Where NOT To Go For Help With The Future

Some folks simply don't know enough to leave well enough alone when it comes to the future.

Aside from the scammer pictured here, there's another scammer that sought to ask my character for help with her future.  Read it here:


Good day,How are you doing?I hope you are doing great.Please,i need your guidance to save my future. My name is Miss Josephine  Mcmore. I am a United nations refugee in Ghana. I lost my parents in the Mali civil war in 2012 and since then I have been without a family nor guardian.My late fathers name is Ambrose Mcmore,he was a farmer and a Gold Miner  before his death.

 Last week I received a package from my dads lawyer with some documents that reads deposit of Gold and Money as family valuables with a financial institution in Ghana The content of the family valuable deposited on my behalf as the next of kin is 38,000,000.00 U S D and 12Kilos of Gold. When I was going through searching online this morning, I saw your contact  there,so I decided to email you.

 I am rather too young to handle this kind of business and I don't know what to do or how to go about it.

Please can you help me? Can I confide in you? I cant go telling everybody about this and I believe that dads friends will be trusted.If you can be of assistance to me ,i will offer 15% of the money I will most sincerely appreciate your swift positive response.May God touch your heart and use you to bring back happiness and joy in my life, Please write me on my Email: miss.josephine59@yahoo.com
Yours Faithfully.

Miss Josephine   


She appears to have thought twice about it once reading my character's reply:

Save your future?  I can do this.  You see, I am a practicing psychic.  I predicted the war of 1812 in 1612 thanks to Nostradumbass and his quatrains that usually ran 30 plus minutes late.  

 

 

I knew that the American Civil War would be fought over northern abhorrence to -- and Southern pride over -- grits, and I knew this an hour before the first shots were drank.  I knew of the coming crash in 1929 because I'd loosened the brakes on Doc Farump's manure pick up truck. 

 

 

I knew that an alien U-boat would sink the Titanic, causing World War I to break out over a misbehaving app on an exploding Galaxy 7 note pad long before Tony Newman traveled back from the time tunnel and managed to cramp his lines about being born in 1938, when only two episodes later he was 6 in 1941. 

 

 

 I knew that a reality TV business magnate would be elected president in 2016 because the opposing party ran the worst pants suit to ever come down a runway, veer off the concrete and get stuck in the mud with a balky email server that Wikileaks, the Russians, and the kumquats of Uranus were reading while cnn and msnbc were haplessly illiterate on the subject. 

 

 

I knew that Algore didn't invite the internet, save the polar bears and wasn't the subject of Love Story before he claimed to be; I also knew he'd invent man-bear-pig on South Park years later.  I knew the answer to if a sheep is a ram and a donkey an ass, why that made a ram in the ass a goose, long before the question was asked.  I know why "Noel" has an "L" in it. 

And I know the future of this email exchange like the back of my hand I should give you. 

The future?  Oh.....I can tell you about the future, even better than Doc Brown. 

 

 

I knew there weren't no bridges still up even when Oddball thought he'd found a mother beautiful bridge that was there until he found it, and then it wasn't.  See what sending out those negative waves did Moriarty?  I did, long before Moriarity sent 'em.

What aspects of your future are you interested in?  Money?  Love? Career?  Travel?  Painful rectal itch?  An audition on The Gong Show?  You have but to ask...and I have but to prognosticate, which is best done with the lights low in private, where a triciploplotz can't cue on motion it cannot see without its glasses.

 

 

  All has returned to that as it was before.  Many such journeys are possible.  Dealer prep and options extra.

Being a psychic, I already know how I can be of assistance.  And I know if you'll ask thus of me; I won't hold your bed wetting against you, since we won't be in the same bed.   

 

 

Are YOU surprised that Ms Josephine didn't respond? 

 

Neither was I.

 

Gee, maybe I'm psychic after all?

 

*Seymour, your pet rock here:  "PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!"*

 

Now I know I must be psychic; I knew that was coming, too.