Airport Inflation 2017

Not to worry; this isn't a remake of a remake of a remake of the original slapstick hit.

It's worse.

Not that the scammer intended it so.

A scammer thought he could get a rise out of my character with an email like this one:

Interim Assistance General manager.

Harrisburg international Airport

Mdt drive,19602 Pennsylvania USA.

 

Good day to you.

 

I am Mr Jeffrey Hadley, director of inspection for all lost and abandoned package here at the Harrisburg International Airport Pennsylvania. Due to a vital research which took place at the airport yesterday ,we have found a luggage box that contains the amount of ($9.500000.000). This luggage has been kept at the airport custody for a while now and it is about to be dispatched to the charity home cent-re since we could not figure out the location of the receiver or any representative of claim. we hereby argue you to proclaim this luggage by providing your delivery information below, if you are willing to be honest in receiving the luggage at your resident and we both shall split the funds 50% per person when delivered to you.

 

Kindly send your delivery information below to our airport custodian (Mr lee byrne) ,as he will be in-charge to direct you on how to proceed in getting the luggage delivered to your door step under 48 hours.

 

Full names:

Residential address:

Mobile number:

 

N:B---Kindly forward your information to the given email here:( l.byrne96@yahoo.com) for an immediate response to get the luggage.

 

We awaits your humble correspondence.

Thanks  

 

The scammer REALLY believed that this would get a positive response from MY character.  Really really.

 

Phfffft.

 

Here's what it got instead:

 

Interim Assistance Genital Manure

Hairlessburg International Airport

Mdt drive,19602 Pennsylvania USA

(an incomplete address for a reason you'll soon see).

 

Good Golly Miss Molly to you. 

I am Mr Jeffrey Hadley, directum of insertion for all lost and mislaid package here at the Hairlessburg International Airport somewhere in Pennsylvania. When your lost and mislaid luggage and packages wind up h'yar, it's pretty clear that the transporting airline dun f**ked up, 'cuz no one comes to Hairlessburg unless they're lost and don't care where they're at, in which case they're not lost, they're just geographically boring. 

Due to a research of an original search which was substandardly conducted in a manure to require a research that may or not have found what was may or not found in the search of the first part, and which took place at the airport yesterday because it was either than or going around doing the weekly flush of the toilets in the airport terminals, which fortunately don't get that much use since we only flush them weekly...we have found a luggage box that contains items of dubious antecedence that we found purchase receipts in your name therein. 

Really?  REALLY?  You spent HOW MUCH on life size inflatable Lena Dunham and Hellary Clinton sex toys that only have sex with each other while they slow leak in C-flat?  No WONDER you 'lost' them.

This luggage has been kept at the airport custody for a while now because quite frankly they thought it an honor and a novelty to have in hand the only two luggages that have been through this location since 2001.  We were about to turn this crap over to a home for wayward, sexually frustrated yaks since we could not figure out the location of the receiver or any representative of claim. Then we found the receipt in the bottom of the inflatables. 

Aren't you a real winner.

If you are willing to be honest in receiving the luggage at your resident -- which after all the time we've had them and what is in them, we don't reckon honesty is your strong suite -- we both shall split the contents 50% per person when delivered to you.

 

I have several yaks that get peculiarly stimulated when they see Hellary or Dunham on TV being audibly annoying. 

 

Kindly send your delivery information below to our airport custodian (Mr lee byrne) ,as he will be in charge to direct you on how to proceed in getting the luggage delivered to your door step with a crapload of substandard journalists from msnbc and cnn that need something to do after needing therapy 'cuz Hellary lost. 

Full names:

Residential address:

Mobile number: 

N:B---Kindly forward your information to the given email here:( l.byrne96@yahoo.com) for an immediate response that will depend in large part on how this pathetic email is edited. 

At least one of us here will miss having the inflatable life size Hellary and Lena Dunham sex toys around; not to mention his yaks. 

We awaits your incredulous correspondence.

Thanks.

 

This edit of the original email was apparently more than the originating scammer was willing to even consider.

 

We can see why...