Tuesday, January 31, 2017

A Pet Rock's Thoughts On Calexit

My pet rock, Seymour, has been to California twice, hosted by his good friend Sandee.

Despite some of his misadventures there, Seymour enjoyed it (note:  the photo here is one the blog author took in 1988 along the coastal highway).

So when he sees a post about California wanting to secede from the US because Donald Trump was elected -- all because of Hollywad outrage that their favored corrupt vagina didn't win because the election was all about electing the first vagina, regardless of substance -- Seymour sees an article literally SCREAMING for an edit.

Rather like the costumed loons that marched in DC a day after Trump's inaugural.

Thus, Seymour and WTFNS (WTF News Soivice) -- at least as reliable as cnn these days -- brings you:

Officials announce proposal that would establish Kaliforlornia as a Third World outhouse

By Seymour PetRock – WTFNS

  A proposal in Kaliforlornia – after years of leftist control and corrosion – has been submitted to the Suckretary of State’s Office on Thursday campaigning for the state to secede from the United States and complete its fiscal and infrastructural ruin.

The proposed “Kalphuckit” initiative would ask illegal, dead, made up and intellectual equivalents of tree stump voters to repeal reality and make it a stand alone compost heap.

A recent poll suggested that one in three Kaliforlornia residents have no idea what “is” is, but would vote against any meaning of “is” due to their Hollywad-fueled (and fooled) opposition to President Donald Trump. No mention has been made of safe zones from trigger words or who's going to pay for the cupcakes, puppy videos and unicorns crapping rainbow ice cream when this hairbrained scheme finishes wrecking the state.

If the proposal qualifies for the ballot and is approved by anarchists and abject dumbasses, it could be a step to a future vote on whether the state was stupid to listen to anarchists and abject dumbasses.

Moron this...

      • Poll reveals 5 in 1 Kaliforlornians took Crummy Core Math

      • Joss Whedon's inner vagina outrages feminincompoops by proposing making Bloody Cock Up the official song of Kaliforlornia

Suckretary of State Boneless Nachos said the group beneath the proposal, Let's Finish Off Kaliforlornia, was cleared to begin manufacturing 600,000 voter signatures needed to place the plan on the ballot. Illegal aliens, CGI images, Hollywad celebrities in genital costumes, dead people and mistakes from computer auto correction pogroms will easily make that mark, asserted one made up spokesgenital for the group.   

The Los Angeles Mimes – sourcing Brian Williams – reported that the supporters of the proposal are channeling Che Guevera who telepathically commands via hallucinagen-induced drivel from The View that Kaliforlornia wants to be more like an anarchist parasite, which does not share the same cultural ideas as the rest of America.

Similar attempts to break up Kaliforlornia into multiple states have failed because Dr. Miguelito Loveless was thrwarted repeatedly by James West of the US Secret Service.

The proposed constipational addendumb, titled Kaliforlornia Crash 'n Burn, would also ask mythical electors to appoint Hellary Clinton as Queen in 2020 and launch drone strikes on Catalina Island, in case there are any recalcitrant Trump voters living there. If approved by San Francisco harbor seals -- supporters are sure that free fish will win every last harbor seal over -- it calls for scheduling a vote in 2019 to ask voters, "Who Hit Annie In The Fanny With A Flounder and Was It Sexist To Use A Flounder If It Was Wearing A Vaginal Costume?"

"America already hates Kaliforlornia, and even at least a third of Kaliforlornia hate us too, so what the f**k," Doofus Evans, vice pimple of Let's Finish Off Kaliforlornia told the Los Angeles Mimes. "I think we'd have the votes today if we told everyone they were getting free sh*t, regardless of what it was."

The campaign must avoid having their internal emails hacked by the Russians and exposed on Wikileaks by July 25, or no soup for them. Hollywad is prepared to go on indefinite strike to support ice cream crapping unicorns it says the Trump Administration is going to deport.

WTFNS edited this report better than cnn routinely does.
Seymour thinks he might get an Oscar nomination on this one.

I told him that Oscar Mayer doesn't give those out.


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Blogger Sandee said...

Many places in California is already a third world country. I know because I'm living right in the middle of that third world cesspool.

The elites on the coastline are the problem with California. They don't live in the mess that they expect us to live in. They don't have a clue.

Good job Seymour. I always enjoy your edits.

Have a fabulous day. My best to your dad and Element. ☺

31 January, 2017 09:36  

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