Emus Inherit An Earth of Farting Hot Dogs

The look is soon to be explained.

Dying scammers with million to bequeath is quite the template.  All of them are widows.  None of them have kids from their marriage.  All had spouses that left them millions.  And now they're dying of things like demeaning plebney.

So they turn to my character for 'succor'.

More likely they hope he's one that's spelled slightly different.

Take the latest to try for example:


From: Mrs.Nancy Stewart
#33 St Peter Port.
Martins, Guernsey,Channel Islands,
United Kingdom.

Attention;

I am the above named person but now undergoing medical treatment in
London, England. I am married to Dr. Richard Edwards who worked with
British Railway Commission in Chelsea England for over a decade before
he died on 5th of July in the year 2003.

We were married for fifteen years without a child. He died after a
brief illness that lasted for two weeks. Before his death he made a
vow to use his wealth for the down trodden and the less privileged in
the society. Since his death I decided not to re-marry or get a child
outside my matrimonial home. When my late husband was alive he
deposited the sum of (Eighteen Million US Dollars) with one Finance
House. Presently, this money is still with the Finance House.
Recently, my Doctor told me that I would not last for the next 150
days due to cancer problem. Though what disturbs me most is my stroke.

Having known my condition I decided to donate this fund to an
individual or better still a God fearing person who will utilize this
money the way I am going to instruct here in. I want an individual
that will use this to fund and provide succor to poor and indigent
persons, orphanages, and widows and for propagating peace in the
universe. I understand that blessed is the hand that give. I took this
decision because I do not have any child that will inherit this money
and my husband relatives are not inclined to helping poor persons and
I do not want my husbands hard earned money to be misused or spent in
the manner in which my late husband did not specify.

I do not want a situation where this money will be used in an ungodly
manner, hence the reason for taking this bold decision. I am not
afraid of death hence I know where I am going.I know that I am going
to be in the bossom of the Almighty. I do not need any telephone
communication in this regard because of my health and because of the
presence of my husband?s relatives around me always. I do not want
them to know about this development. With God all things are possible.
As soon as I receive
your reply I shall give you the contact of the Finance House.

I will also issue you a letter of authority that will empower you as
the original beneficiary of this fund. I want you to always pray for
me. My happiness is that I lived a life worthy of emulation. Whosoever
that wants to serve the Almighty must serve him with all his heart and
mind and always be prayerful all through your life. Any delay in your
reply will give me room in sourcing for an individual for this same
purpose. Please assure me that you will act according to specification
herein. Hoping to hear from you. Thank you and May the Almighty God
bless you.  


How little the scammer knows the character of my character.  But she won't be long in finding out:


Subject: From Russia With Black Market Viagra And Inflatable Hellary Sex Toys

 

From: Mrs. Nancy Stewart
#33 St Peter Port.
Martins, Guernsey, Channel Islands,
United Kingdumb

Stand at Attention Major:

I am the above named person but now undergoing medical treatment in
London, England for gender neutrality conversion. I was married to Dr. Richard

Kimball who worked with Cook County Hospital in Chicago until a one armed

man killed me and blamed him, tuckering out Tommy Lee Jones in a movie

remake of the original TV show with David Janssen getting chased all over

hecky-darn-poo.  He died in 1980 before I was a reborn-again virgin of

dubious antecedence.

We were married for fifteen years without once experiencing the peculiar

thrill of a sexual three-way with an emu. 

Or a manatee.

Before his death but after mine he made a vow to make YouTube videos

of sexual three-way "how tos" so that couples like us -- and there might

be more than you'd think...just look at Huma and Anthony Weiner -- could

have something to work from. 

Now that gender neutrality and the move to ban gender assuming is

well underway, I think it's time for me to do what I was doing best as

a born-again virgin until Alyssa Milano declared a sex strike, which

pretty much put my prostituting myself to flightless birds out of

business.  After all, whatever Milano advocates is morally corrupt,

which makes it okay for democraps.

I'm not one, but after I achieve surgical gender neutrality, I get to be

one by default.  Especially if I find a border to cross illegally.

Bad as it appears that Donald Trump beat Hellary without collusion

in 2016 -- despite all the fake evidence we Brits got paid to make up

by Hellary's crimepaign -- what disturbs me most is that I was going

to run for president on the democrap ticket, only to find that 20 plus

flakes even more mentally f**ked up than me are already running.

 Having known of this disappointment -- I wanted to be the most

compromised candidate out there, and now there are 20 some odd

more compromised than me -- I decided to donate my time to the

Blondes Making Jokes About That Cortez Broad fund.

Apart from that, I want a louver that won't drive me crazy.  I want

a louver that won't drive me mad.  Can Fast Eddie's Winders 'N

Door Fangled Thangs make that happen?

I do not want a situation where I don't suck enough that cnn won't

invite me on repeatedly to spew abject nonsense that cnn prides

itself on making up with it's collection of the dumbest, most corrupt

fauxjournalists in the world today.  Hence the reason for taking this

bold decision. I am not afraid of painful rectal itch because I know

how I got it and I've since washed my hair.

 

I do not need any telephone perverts calling me and breathing heavily

into the phone because I'm not a judge for the Olympic Obscene

Phone Call competitions in 2020.  Did you get that, Anthony?

With an empty Coke bottle signifying some peculiar deity to a

tribe of wayward sons of Cheeseburger, all things are possible.
As soon as I receive your reply I shall probably foul myself

repeatedly because no one's responded to this yet.

I will also issue you a letter of authority that will empower you as
the original toaster oven twat waffle pilot to battle with thetins

from an episode of South Park.  It will take more than just the

Farce to guide you on this one, Grass Humper.  I want you to always

pray for farting cows to keep that Cortez broad freaked out.

Wait until she finds out that hot dogs fart too.  The dunce that

serves as mayor of NYC apparently knows this.  Guess she didn't

get the memo yet.

 

Please assure me that you will act in a manure that will keep me

from getting voted off America's Got Talent. Hoping to hear from

you or something that looks kinda sorta like you.

Yours in horror when I see what someone did to my original email.


After a few days of no reply, it would seem that Ol' Nanc was indeed truly horrified to see what my character dun to her email, Ma.  And to learn that hot dogs fart.