Sunday, November 11, 2018

Still Doing It Wong

Kan Shung (or whatever they actually are) keep trying.

Yes, they do.

They keep sending out emails claiming to be a leading manufacturer of assorted and sundry in China -- from fencing to inflatable sex toys -- and they keep sending my email account offers to give me the business with new products all the time.

Like this one:

Have a nice day!  
This is Andy from ShangKun Co.,Ltd,
We are one of leading manufacturer of FLAT LRON in China. the 200 staffs, 12 years experience, this is how we keep good quality, competitive price, best service and rapid distribution for you.

We are looking forward to receiving your inquiry. please let us know u need type/pecifications and quantity. then we will give u best price.
If you are interested in other products, please let us know freely. 
Best regards.
The only part of the scam that ever changes is the product.  This time, it's flat iron.
Don't you just HATE when your iron goes flat?  Especially on a golf course.
My pet rock, Seymour, was bored, so he was given a free appendage to try his appendage at editing the reply:
Our Iron Is Flat -- How's Yours?
Have a flat iron day!  
This is Andy from Shang A Lang A Dang A Kun Co.,Ltd,
We are one totally full of it manufracturer of FLAT IRON in China.  We also do FLAT ALUMINUM, FLAT COAL, FLAT TUNGSTEN, FLAT ENEBRIANTS, FLAT WOMEN, FLAT ON OUR ASS, AND anything else that works well as FLAT. 
How we make it all FLAT is part of our unpatented secret process, which we could tell you, but then we'd have to send trained panda ninjas to try to keel you, and we don't think that in the world of giving the business, this would be in our best business interests, yes?  So here at Shang A Lang A Dang A Kun Co. Ltd, our eager-to-please someone 200 staffs and streps have accumulated in amazingly peculiar ways, 12 years experience.  This is how we keep sending out emails on a variety of products that we'll never have or make, but you won't know that because you're a round eye from the gullible West and an easy mark for an email scam like ours.  We sacrifice good quality, competitive price, best service and rapid distribution in exchange for making everything FLAT, just for you.
We are looking forward to receiving your inquiry.  Each and every time we send these out, we are looking forward to receiving ANY inquiry from ANYONE ANYWHERE.  Even from Uranus, though I must confess that I cannot find Uranus language comparatives on Google Translate.  Perhaps if Uranus responds one day, they'll come up with one.
Please let us know what you think you need in terms of type/specifications and quantity.  After we get done laughing our asses off, we'll set about figuring out what the f**k to do with your order.  One thing is sure:  from us we will give u best price that monkey can't buy.  Monkeys don't tend to buy much from us, so we put little hope in that market.
If after reading this carefully you don't want to do business with us, please drink three bottles of wine then reconsider your interest.  We really need responses on this one, since our email offer on inflatable Bela Pelosi sex toys didn't get one hit whatsoever.  We need a score this time. 
Best regards.
Shang A Lang A Dang A Kun Co.,Ltd  
Sometimes a reply will be got from this particular scammer; this was one of those times:
ha you funny not much.  
My pet rock will work on that, if you promise to work on yours.  
Kang Shung was not up to further repertoire, especially with an unfunny pet rock.
That's one way to win an argument, Seymour.

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