More FBIigans

I tell you, Hellary's losing in 2016 has really sent the FIB into a tailspin.

All they have left is to send ME no end of scam emails???

Like this one:


   Federal Bureau of Investigation
                                                  Field Intelligence Groups J. Edgar Hoover Building
                                                  935 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW Washington, D.C.


Attention: Beneficiary,


We sincerely apologise for sending you thais sensitive informataion via e-mail instead of a certified mail, post-mail, phone or face to face conversation. It's due to the urgency and importance of the security information of your citizenry. I am Special Agent John Edward from the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) Field Intelligence Unit (FIU). We intercepted two consignment boxes at JFK Airport, New York. The boxes were scanned and they contained large sum of money ($4.1 million) and also some backup documents which bears your name as the Beneficiary/Receiver of the money. Investigation was carried out on the diplomat that accompanied the boxes into the United States and he said that he was to deliver the fund to your residence as overdue payment owed to you by the Federal Republic of Nigeria through the security company in United Kingdom.

After cross-checking all legal documents in the boxes, we found out that your consignment was lacking two important documents and we can't release the boxes to the diplomat until the document is brought forth, we have no other option than to confiscate your consignment.

According to Internal Revenue Code (IRC) in Title 26 also contain reporting requirement on a Form 8300, Report of Cash Payment Over $10,000 Received in a Trade or Business, money laundering activity may violate 18 USC §1956, 18 USC 1957, 18 USC 1960, and provision of Title 31, and 26 USC 6050I of the United States Code (USC), this section will discuss only those money laundering and currency violation under the jurisdiction of IRS, your consignment lacks proof of ownership certificate from the joint team of IRS and IRC, therefore you need to reply back immediately for direction on how to procure this certificate to enable us relieved the charge of evading the law on you, which is a punishable offense in the United States.

You are required to reply back within 72hours or you will be prosecuted in a court of law for money laundering, also you are instructed to desist from further contact with any bank(s) or person(s) in Nigeria or the United Kingdom or any part of the world regarding your payment because your consignment has been confiscated by the Federal Bureau of Investigation here in the United States.

Yours In Service,
Special Agent John Edward
Regional Deputy Director
Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI)  


In the words of the late great George Carlin, "I don't know whether to sh*t or wind my watch...guess I'll sh*t on my watch".

Since I don't wear a watch, I'm spared that.  This edit spares them not:


Federal Burrito of Ingestigation
                                                  Field Lack Of Intelligence Groups J. Heever Oodgar Building
                                                  430 South Capital Street SE Washington, D.C. 20003

Attention:

We sincerely apologise for sending you thais insensitive informataion via e-mail filtered through Hellary's server, Chinese hackers, cnn and Wikileaks.  It's due to the urgency and importance of the security information concerning your unused box of tampons. I am Special Agent John Jacob Dinglewhacker Smith from the Federal Burrito of Ingestigation (FBI) Field Lack Of Intelligence Unit (FLoIU). We intercepted two consignment boxes at JFK Airport, New York. The boxes were scammed and they contained large amount of Jurassic botox ass weave for the women of the DNC and also some backup documents which bears the marks of a cnn-financed dossier from MI-Sux that suggests that if you don't vote democrap we'll send Hellary to sit on you.  This we can do because of our contacts with the Federal Republic of Nigeria, the DNC, MS-13, cnn, ms13nbc, and the folks that suction out the contents of outhouse pits in United Kingdom.

After cross-checking everyone remotely looking like a hockey player, we found out that you was lacking two important documents and we can't release the hounds of the baskervilles until the documents is brought forth, so we have no other option than to confiscate a Bela Pelosi inflatable sex toy and send it to you as your consignment from Hell.

According to Internal Revenue Code (IRC) in Title 26, which substandards aforementions in Latin, Punjab and Al fresco, there is also a perverse reporting requirement on a Form 8300, Report of Octosexual Orthopod Non-Binary Gender Neutralities Over 12 years of age that have been received in a Trade or Business.  Add to that, the peculiar practice of  money laundering activity in cadaviar may violate 18 USC §1956, 18 USC 1957, 18 USC 1960, UCLA, OMG, WTF and provision of Title 31, along with a f**kstick load of 26 USC 6050I of the United States Code (USC), patent pending.  This section will discuss only those parts involving flying monkeys and Maxine Waters flying on a broom, which is a whole different violation of nature not under the jurisdiction of IRS.

There are some things the IRS simply will not touch.

So, you lack proof of ownership certificate from the joint team of IRS and IRC, therefore you need to reply back immediately for direction on how to procure this certificate to enable us to figure out what the rest of this email said, and determine whether or not we should be evading the law or having sex with it in the back of a '46 Packard, which is a punishable offense in Liechtenstein and parts of Newark.

You are required to reply back within 72 hours or you will be prosecuted in a democrap kangaroo court for failing to vote for democraps; you are instructed to desist from further contact with anyone smarter than a door knob.

Yours In Service,
Special Agent John Jacob Dinglewhacker Smith
Regional Douche Waffle
Federal Burrito of Ingestigation (FBI)  

His name is not mine, too.

While this latest version of the FIB failed to respond to another case of peculiar editing, one of the former scammers who remains on the receiving list, had this to say about not being on the 'edit' end of this one:


haha 😂   


He didn't think it was all that funny when it was his email being edited...  LOL