Tuesday, November 20, 2018

Wine Ages Better

Even Boone's Farm.

Regular readers of this blog will recognize what's to follow here; I think I warned you that a repeat was in the offing.

All on account of another scammer's response to the edit here.

First, allow us to recap:

My name is Mrs. Janet Karoline Adams  I am 69 years old, I am a dying woman who have decided to donate what I have to you/churches/ motherless babies/less privileged/widows. I was diagnosed for cancer for about 7 years ago.

so recently my doctor diagnosed my health system again and i told me that i don't have long time on earth. I have been touched by God to donate from what I have inherited from my late husband to you for good work of God. I have asked God to forgive me and believe he has, because he is a merciful God. I will be going in for an operation soon. I decided to WILL/donate the sum of 3.5 million United States dollars to you for the good work of God, and also to help the motherless and less privilege and also for the assistance of the widows. At the moment I cannot take any telephone calls right now due to the fact that my relatives (That have squandered the funds I gave them for this purpose before) are around me and my health status also.

I have adjusted my WILL and my lawyer is aware. I wish you all the best and may the good god bless you abundantly, and please use the Funds judiciously and always extend the good work to others. As soon you get back to me, I shall give you info on what I need from you then you will contact my bank and tell them I have willed (3.5 million dollars) to you by quoting my personal reference number: and I have also notified my bank that I am willing that amount to you for a good, effective and prudent work. I know I don't know you very well but I have been directed to do this by God.

Thanks and God bless.
Janet Adams.  

Granted, I have seen this scam probably a thousand times.  You've seen this scam handled in various ways on this blog dozens of times.  Something new was needed.

Leave it to my pet rock, Seymour, to come up with an ideer:  make age the focal point.

After all, who other than a pet rock that claims to have been around since the beginning of Earth -- a few billion years -- knows aging better?


Thus it came to pass that Seymour inspired this edit that was returned to the scamstress and a number of her pears and collies:

From: Janet Adams <iMrsjanetadams@outlook.com>
Sent: Sunday, November 4, 2018 10:09 PM
To: Recipients
Subject: Please Read and get back to me with corrections, comments, recommendations ...
Greeting and hallucinogens

My name is Mrs. Janet Karoline Adams.  No, not related to the Addams Family; only one "d".  

I was born in a leap year, which means that in a chronological sense, I only age once every four years.  Except at the turn of a century, where I have an 8 year gap in birthdays, except for in the year 2000.

What this should tell you is that I am, by your standards, older than running water or a fruit cake passed down for generations because it's inherent and inedible.  By the standards of my leap year birth, I am 69 years old.  Had I been born in a non-leap year, I would be dead long ago in normal human standards, for I was born in 1736.  Having a birthday only once every four years -- except at the turn of the 19th and 20th Centuries -- I am now 69 years old.  So what happens to you over a year, takes on average four years to happen to me.

Depending on what it is, that sucks for you or me, but I digress.
I was diagnosed for cancer of the calendar for about 7 of my years ago; or in other words, in 1992.  I am outlasting the diagnosis of my doctors -- two of which died already, because they age at four times the pace that I do -- so far, and I might outlast a couple more, since I turn 70 on February 29, 2020.

Let's not talk about birthday parties and sh*t like that; I've been getting screwed on that from the beginning.

Recently my umpteenth doctor diagnosed my health system again and told me that I might not make it to 2020.  Having nearly been touched by a heavenly anvil while playing golf -- lightning hit nearby, and I survived only because God couldn't hit the 1 iron I was wielding at the time, any more than I did -- I have been called upon to donate from what I have inherited from my late husbands, all of which died years and centuries ago.  
Most of those bastards bequeathed me only minor material things -- one left me a lacquered collection of human snot formed into peculiar shapes, and another left me the longest recorded bowel movement in human history, laminated and on loan to the Smithsonian -- so I don't have much to leave.  But I have to leave it to someone, otherwise they might be tempted to jam all that shit into my coffin, and I can't bear the thought of eternity with the world's largest laminated human bowel movement. 

I hear even the Smithsonian can't wait to get rid of it.
At the moment I cannot take any telephone calls right now due to the fact that my ears have long since fallen off.

I have adjusted my WILL and my lawyer is aware, I think; the last one I commissioned did my will in 1940.  Be that as it might or might notten be, I wish you all the best and may you find something useful to do with a collection of lacquered snot and the world's longest laminated human bowel movement, among other ends and very odds.  As soon you get back to me, I shall probably foul myself repeatedly, because I lost control of that function in 2008.  
I know I don't know you very well but I have been directed to do this by a power that you'll probably want to pull the lips off of, once you have time to properly consider it all.

Janet Adams.  

Another former scammer decided to chide me for this edit:

what kind are you?  How you know this person is not suffering and you make jest of her?  someones should deal with you if you not take care.

This former scammer was allegedly another "she", so I can see where she might take offense with what I  dun to one of her peers emails, Ma.

Granted, it didn't help:

It was so nice of you to weigh in and pose such thought-provoking questions and offer up such nicely-veiled suggestions as to my future disposition on this issue.  I thank you from the bottom of my toilet bowl for expressing yourself in this manure.  You certainly give me plenty to think about.

And it took me two seconds to think about it.  Unless you have something else profound to offer, you are welcome to return to your Third World sh*thole internet cafe and try to recruit help for what you suggested.  Or better still, just go sell yourself to the Nigerian military.  They need entertainment on leave, after all.  You can make good money at that; it's obvious that you're not faring so well with this.

 That apparently didn't go over well:


Soitenly!  Soon as your email address quits working.  

Perhaps I should refer this dissatisfied scammer to one of the scam spell casters?


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Blogger Sandee said...

Bwahahahahahahaha. Ruffled some feathers on this one. Love it. I linked this post to Happy Tuesday.

Have a fabulous day, Mike. My best to Seymour and Element. 😎

20 November, 2018 07:56  

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