Oh Mein Gott!

Meet Willis.

The whyfor you meet Willis will become evident soon.

Scammers never know, when they reach the mailbox of one of my characters, just what to expect in return.

I don't often know myself.

But if the reply is decomposed before I've had that first cup of coffee, it's bound to be...strange.

So it went for this scammer with one of those overseas ATM scams.  Here's the gist of it:


THE FEDERAL MINISTRY OF BUREAU
FUND INVESTIGATION
ADDRESS: 53, BOULEVARD SAINT
 B.P. 06-2650 Cotonou
phone number: +22968775110, +22965299861
EMAIL: frecoveryministry@gmail.com

attention dear beneficiary!

This is to officially notify you about your Fund that was suppose to
be rendered to you via numerous ways i.e, Courier Companies, Western
Union Money Transfers, and Banks wire transfer. Due to this lost of Funds of
ours
which was suppose to be given to you but failed to. So in this case, a
beneficial meeting was held on the January 12 2017 at the ministry of
bureau investigation, which the top officials of the ministry & govt
were present at the meeting, Which they discussed on how clients Fund
could be release to them without any lost at this time because we have
experience a lot difficulties in delivery of large fund in past couple
of years.

Be informed that you have to stop any further communication with any
other (s) or office(s) to avoid any hitches in receiving your ATM
payment. In conclusion at the meeting, The ministry board of trustees
and executives signed the authorization of payment to 6 Banks in the
World to deliver all individuals beneficiary Funds through courier
companies or through diplomats direct delivery.

 Your Fund which is truly $10.5 Million USD (Ten Million, Five Hundred
Thousand United States of America Dollars) which was listed among the
list of beneficiary list to be paid among all other beneficiaries in
various countries in the world to be paid via ATM MASTER CARD.  


It goes on to list an assortment of scam banks, and scam options for my character to pay a fee to get the ATM card.

Uh huh.

Vell...das ugly hundsfott what started this post and some of his/her/its peers and collies worked their way into this edit.  Which is probably why I should never do this without coffee first:


THE FEDERAL MINISTRY OF BUREAU
FUND INVESTIGATION
ADDRESS: 53, BOULEVARD SAINT
 B.P. 06-2650 Cotonou
phone number: +22968775110, +22965299861
EMAIL: frecoveryministry@gmail.com

Achtung Du Hundsfott

This is to officially notify you about your hund that was suppose to not be schiessen on das flower bedts undt schtuff of the Courier Companies, Western  Union Money Transfers, and Banks wire transfer. Due to this lost of bowel control by your hund which was suppose to be controlled but failed to. So in this case, a meeting was held on the March 12 2017 at the kaneinen ministry of bowwowensee investigation, vhere das the top officials of the ministry & govt vere present at
das meeting, where they discussed on how to put a schtop to your hund bowel movementing on the verdammen flower bedts undt schtuff.

Be informed that you have to stop any further visitation mid your hund undt our flower bedts undt schtuff to avoid any hitches, glitches sons of bitches undt any udder schtuff dat vill resulten in your hund's actions undt schtuff.  You hast no idea how hardt it is to write das email like this vhen your hund is schiessen undt pizzin undt schtuff all over da place.  Da poo is miswatten.  Ve have das poopen undt pizzen all over das place.

 Your hund which has done this 10.5 million times over das years was listed among the top 100 bad hundsfotts in das neighborhood.  Das ist neinen das place fer das hund to be listed undt schtuff.   Below are the other plazes dat your hund has schissen undt pizzen to excessen:

Daiwa Bank®/Osaka/Japan.
......................................
Caja De Madrid/Madrid/Spain.
.......................................
Lloyds Bank®/London/England.
.......................................
UBA Bank® Plc/Benin Republic.
......................................
Banco di Santo Spirito/Rome/Italy.
........................................
Bank of New York Mellon Corp/New York/USA.
........................................


Vort das fork ist du thinking?  Letting your hund run wildt like dat?  Du vill hencefifth restricten undt keepensee your hund on your own properties vhen he/she ist in das mooden to schiessen undt pizzen. 

Provide those limits belowensee:


Your Full Name........................
Country/Your Address..............
Occupation...............................
Contact Home/Cell Phone.........
Age/Sex of your hund: ..................................
A Scan Copy of your hund zo ve can ID das rascal undt schtuff.......

NOTE: if this ist a photo of your hund, das ist vun buttensee ugly hund.

 

 

 

Any fines du are assessed fer das hund's badt behavior undt lack of das respected fer our properties undt schtuff, vill need to be paid to das following dumkopf:

name:Martin Chuma
amount: see below
country to send it: Benin republic
question: WTF
answer: Your Hund TF


Please make a Choice of which fine amount you owe fer das badt behavior of your hund as they are as charged Below;

Pizzen on das flower bedts undt schtuff fee: $150.00

Schissen on das flower bedts undt schtuff fee: $175.00

Pizzen undt schissen on das aforementioned schtuff fee: $190.00

Both Vun undt Two midde digging up das flower bedt undt schtuff fee: $191.00 

Pizzen undt schissen on das DNC membership:  PRICELESS

Pleaze attendt undt get wid dis matter soonest undt iffen not more soonesterer.  Das ist gudt, ja.


Awpeterstain undt nothing removing it zo far,
Mrs ANN CLEMENT
Director of Bitching About Neighborhoodt Hundsfotts
Disrespecting das bureau ministry.



I've had no follow up from the aforementioned bureau.  The ASPCA might be calling me about lumping dogs in with the last two mongrels.

Meh.