All In The Edit

Reading some of these emails, I kinda know how Archie feels.

Editing them, I can frequently only imagine how the email originators feel.

Like this one:

Good day my friend, 

I'm larry tunde, a lawyer in Cotonou, Benin Republic, late Mr. Joerg, a gold merchant who was my client, died as a result of lung cancer without a will, now I want to present your name to late Mr. Joerg, bank so the money left behind by late Mr. Joerg, can be transferred to your account through my help. The amount of U.S. $ 10.5 million deposited in a local bank here, by late Mr. Joerg , before his death on November 23, 2013, I need your information so that I can show you the bank as next of kin to Late Mr. Joerg for further process. Please provide name and full address, your age, profession and position, address, email not mail.ur and mobile number for contact purposes, Please reply via personal e-mail, so I will send more details of Mr. Joerg you need to know: 

tundeequitychambers5@gmail.com 

+22999449772

Thanks Barr.larry tunde.  

 

 

Let's see if I can get the bannister to feel like ol' Archie h'yar:

 

 

Good day for someone, 

I'm larry tundaphish, a lawyer in Cotonou, Benin Republic, that specializes in gender change lawsuits for mammals, marsupials and orthopods.  That said, the late Mr. Joerg, a piranha genital merchant who was my client, died as a result of attending a dinner and winding up the main course by several thousand of HIS clients.  Sucked to be him.
 

At any ate, he was devoured without a will, now I want to present your name to the late Mr. Joerg's clients, who will positively sh*t themselves if they think they failed to properly eat him. 
 

Depending on where you live, this will be alright I am pretty sure; unless you live near aquatic scenes where the late Mr. Joerg's clients can come check you out and plan a supplemental banquet.  Just hang tartar sauce outside your house and pour cocktail sauce in your toilet...that should do it.

I need your information so that I can show you to the bank as next of kin to Late Mr. Joerg; however perverse and peculiar his chosen profession, it had to have had some degree of lucrative to it financially, and I want it because the cheap bastard never paid me for my services, which were considerably inane.   Please provide name and full address, your age, profession and position, address, email not mail.ur and mobile number for contact purposes.
 

Please reply via personal e-mail, so I will send more details of Mr. Joerg you need to know like who at the bank he was preparing to change into a female manatee...

tundeequitychambers5@gmail.com 

+22999449772

Thanks

Bannister larry tundaphish     

 

 

I apparently succeeded sorta:

 

 

asshole  

 

 

Is that where your eaten client started or ended his gender change operations?  You of all people would know.  

 

 

He didn't care to discuss it further, I guess...