Thursday, March 23, 2017

Seymour Has Another Go At Kim Jong Un

My pet rock hasn't done so well with his March Madness brackets.

But when it comes to baiting North Korean pudginator Kim Jong Un, Seymour is a master baiter.


Which pretty much sums up the North Korean missile program.

But I digress.

Here's the latest edit by my "editing gone wild" pet rock of a story about Kim Jong Un and his Al Franken like behavior:

North Korea Has Another Successful FAIL In The Launch And Lunch Departments

By Seymour PetRock/WTFNS

North Korea fired a test missile Wednesday morning, employing it's own version of Common Core trajectoral math, with successfully failing results officials have confirmed.

"U.S. Pacific Command detected and was totally amused by what we assess was a failed North Korean missile launch attempt the morning of March 22 in Korea (12:49 p.m. Hawaii time) in the vicinity of Kalma," said a spokesman for U.S. Pacific Command. "A missile appears to have exploded within a house of ill repute favored by Dear Leader Kim Jong Un. We are working with our interagency partners on a more detailed assessment to determine how many of his inflatable girlfriends were harmed during the test."
South Korea's Ministry of Defense also confirmed that Kim Jong Un's lunch order to a McDonalds franchise in China failed, sending the Pudginator into an Al Franken-like tirade that lacked one pronouncible “L”.

The North Korean missile – manufactured by Acme Corporation – was launched near Kalma in eastern Wonsan province, where North Korea previously attempted to launch its first in a franchise series of McUn's One Pounders With Cheese Walk Thru restaurants. That site was previously destroyed by a North Korean test of its mobile-launched MuttDaPhuk intermediate-range ballistic missile.

U.S. officials said that activity was apparent in Wonsan indicating that another possible McUn's One Pounders With Cheese Walk Thru restaurant construction starts was likely.

Believed to have required a minimum order of at least 1,500 won for “rocar derivery”, the missile is of no concern to U.S. officials because “our McDonalds chains in the US know how to operate, and North Korea keeps blowing theirs up”.

North Korea has not had much success in testing their missiles or their McUn's One Pounders With Cheese Walk Thru restaurants: Seven of eight MuttDaPhuk launches last year were spectacular failures, destroying all seven under-construction restaurant sites. The eighth took out Kim Jong Un's inflatable whores house.

U.S. officials have still not made an assessment of what type of Mickie D knock offs and pathetic substitutions Kim Jong Un has in mind for his restaurant chain...if he ever manages to complete one of them without blowing them up.

In February, North Korea launched a new solid-fuel rocket that shot down an inflatable Kim Jong Un balloon meant to substitute for Cupid. That got considerable mirth during Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe's visit with President Donald Trump at his Mar-a-Lago resort in Florida.

The North Korean Valentine snafu drew snide comments from both leaders, and attention-grabbing photos soon appeared showing aides rolling on the floor in hysterics at the comedic routine worked out by the two leaders while they were at dinner.

In March, four North Korean inflatable Kim Jong Un as an immensely fat leprechaun traveled more than 6 miles, the upper limit of what North Korea has managed so far, deflating with very loud PHFFFFFFTs just off Wonsan. 
During a visit to South Korea last week, Secretary of State Rex Tillerson signaled a more amused and dismissive approach to North Korea's stand up comedy routines that they are inadvertently putting on while Dear Leader gained ten more pounds.

"All options are on the table," he said at a news conference, "including a Gong Show like *GONG* for every time they screw the pooch and act the part of Al Franken-like buffoons, which is just about daily," Tillerson snorted.

North Korea has stated that its goals to (a) get Kim Jong Un a leading role in a Team America World Police sequel (b) develop and successfully market a chain of McUn's One Pounders With Cheese Walk Thru restaurants all across Asia and in the basement of the DNC and (c) start a chain of inflatable sex toy shops featuring inflatable Hellary Clintons, Bela Pelosis, Fauxchahontas Warrens, Don Lemons and Shep Smiths to please and amuse Kim Jong Un during his “horiday excursions” is “on track and on schedule”, though just what “schedule” that is the North Koreans won't say.

An unofficial spokescat for the creators of Team America World Police – unofficially on loan from Bloom County – suggested that they are no closer to doing a sequel now than when the first movie was released. 

“Ack!”, or something like that, was the response to reporters questions, followed by a room clearing hairball of epic proportions.

I think that Seymour outdid hisself on this one.  Now only if he could pick a March Madness bracket.


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Blogger Sandee said...

I'm thinking that inflatable Hillary would make a guy go soft and go soft in a hurry. Just saying.

Seymour you've done another find job.

Have a fabulous day. My best to Element and your dad. ☺

23 March, 2017 11:59  

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