Wishful Things In Scamdumb

What might you think if you receive an email titled "social welfare"?

You might envisions lines of people like this, lined up outside a welfare office (like this one in Kaliforlornia).

You probably wouldn't expect it to go on to promise you $2.7 million USD.

This one did:

United Nations Social Welfare Organization
(U.N.S.W.O)

World Charity Welfare Union
261 Avenue, Bel ford Street Southwest
London SW1–SW10 United Kingdom.

  PAYMENT INFORMATION OF $2,700,000.00

Good day to you. You Have Won $2,700,000. The World Global Welfare
Organization Aid Nominated you as one of 2017 award winner.

This is to inform you that the United Bank have acknowledged your file
from United Nations Social Welfare Organization (U.N.S.W.O) to remit the
sum Two Million Seven Hundred Thousand US Dollars ( $2,700,000.00) only.

PLEASE PAY ATTENTION TO THE FOLLOWING:

The United Bank International have issued a bank Draft sum of
$2,700,000.00 in your favor, We have forwarded the draft to Airline that
will be coming to your country. Note that one of the airline attendant
will come to your the address you shall provide to do delivery of your
parcel to you.

Kindly Send Your full details
DELIVERY NAMES :
ADDRESS :
CITY :
STATE :
ZIP CODE :
COUNTRY :
ALL CELL # :
MARITAL STATUS :

Once your receive the package, you are therefore expected to take the
draft to you bank for cashing. Your bank shall verify the draft withing 2
working days and remit  total $2,700,000.00 to you by cash or to your
account. this payment method shall take minimum 3 days for you to receive
your fund.

Mr Charles
United Kingdom,
CONTACT NUMBER: (which was conveniently forgot)


My character wasn't quite sure what to do with this, so he just allowed a 'stream of consciousness' to overflow its banks in the edit:


From: Social Welfare <claimresouce@gmail.com>
Sent: Tuesday, January 10, 2017 9:33 PM
Subject: Need A Medic Here

United Nations Piss Up A Rope Organization
(U.N.P.U.A.O.)

World Goat Chastity Bless Yore Heart Union
261 Avenue, Bel ford Street Southwest
London SW1–SW10 United Kingdom.

 PAYMENT INFORMATION OF $2,700,000.00

In antwort to your inquiring minds analogy, You Have Been Led To Believe That You Won $2,700,000. 

How it is that we come into such funds available for such blatant chicanery is really not difficult to
understand once the dynamics are explained:  we send out to the 16th Street Mall in Denver an
assordid collection of down on their duck looking souls, who beg and barter for change just like in
that South Park episode.

  One especially effective character of wind up antecedence was the foreign
looking organ grinder with the cymbals-banging monkey; at least until the left cymbal broke and fell
off, causing the monkey to repeatedly bash hisself in the face with the remaining cymbal until it
knocked him out.

The wind up PETA rep was not amused, especially as he kept falling over on the brickwork side walk
and getting stuck in the crevices.

At any rate, this is from whenst the funds being deceptively offered you were organically germinated.

 PLEASE PAY ATTENTION TO THE FOLLOWING:

The United Bank of Fawg International have issued a blank Draft  to which you add the sum of your
choosing in your favor, before trying to unsuccessfuly cash it at one of our off Piccadilly flop houses.
Note that one of the airline attendant will come to your the address whereupon she will take you
through the complete pre-flight demonstration of how to inflate your life vest stored hermetically
under your seat as protection from flatulent customers before and perhaps including you, in the
event of a water landing at sea, as a water landing in the desert is problematically less likely than
Hellary being president.

Oh whoops if that last was a trigger warning that caused you to foul yourself repeatedly.

Kindly Send Your full details
DELIVERY NAMES :
ADDRESS or PANTS :
CITY :
STATE :
ZIP CODE :
COUNTRY :
ALL CELL # :
MARITAL STATUS :
MARTIAL STATUS:
MARTIAN STATUS:
MARSUPIAL STATUS:

Once the full meaning of this missive has achieved cognitive recognition within
that which is left of your blighted mind after meth and sniffing glue with Lloyd
Bridges during the Airplane movie auditions, you are therefore expected to take the
unconscious monkey with one bent up cymbal to a place where it can be repaired
or at least replaced with a face palming Godzilla replica.

Your bank shall verify that they have no idea what any of this is about and will deny
knowing you or anyone that looks like you.  That generally won't take them more than
2 working days to tweet to cnn so they can have their fake news hounds Dan Rather and
Brian Williams misreport it and blame it on Russia, Fox News and a marmot in Summit
County.  

Mr Charles
United Kingdumb
CONTACT:   chairles112@gmail.com

The "social welfare" scammer didn't seem to see fit to follow up after an edit like that.

I wonder why...