Major Mistake

When a person claiming to be a major in the "Nurse Corps" of the US Army contacted one of my characters, you just KNOWD it wasn't going to go well.

Here is her ploy:

MaJor Elizabeth DiCampli

Nurse Corps Officer at United States Army

Assignment Under United Nation Syria Chapter

San Diego State University-California State University  

 

My name is Major Elizabeth DiCampli.  Am on Assignment with United Nation Syria Chapter. I live in Hawaii USA. Despite we have not meet face to face i still have a confident trust on you and i believe in your assistant. Am on a special assignment with United Nation here in Syria . I need your help and it will benefit both of us. 

 

My Squad here in Syria rescued the son of the Syrian Prime Minister from the hand of the Taliban's here in Syria . The Prime minister gave us a cash reward my own share of the money is $950,000 Dollars. And i want to trust you so that i can send the money out from here because is not safe staying with me here. 

 

The bank where we camp is not working because of the crisis here if you are watching CNN you will understand what i mean. Can i trust you? If you capable to  help me receive this  money I will give you 30% of the total amount.I want to be sure if you are capable no matter what it takes. I have make all the necessary arrangement on the means of moving it out safely.  Can i trust you? Please get back to me on the email immediately for security reasons. 

 

Regards 

 

Major Elizabeth Dicampli

E-mail: majoredicamplim@gmail.com  

 

 

The edit that went back contributed largely to the 'not go well' for the major's intended outcome:

 

From: Major Imbecile Elizabeth Dicampli <info@turkerkaya.com>
Sent: Thursday, November 24, 2016 7:23 PM
To: majoredicamplimm@gmail.com
Subject: GET BACK..GET BACK..GET BACK TO WHERE YOU ONCE BELONGED

 

MaJor Imbecile Elizabeth DiCampli

Yak Nursing Corps Officer, United Nations Leggy

Assignment At Behest of United Nation Suckretary Genital

San Diego State University-California State University

Building College Cupcakes Safe Zones Project

 

My name is Major Imbecile Elizabeth DiCampli.  Am on Assignment at the behest of the United Nation Suckretary Genital.  I live in Hawaii USA trying to find Magnum PI and get him to investigate goat rodeos.

 

Despite we have not meet face to face i still have a confident trust on you and i believe in your assistant, who I am telled is a little runt with a fetish for yaks. As for me, I is on meth and a special assignment with United Nation here in Syria, Oklahoma . I need your help in finding the gawddamned place on a map and it will benefit one of us.

 

 

My squad here in Syria, Oklahoma, rescued the son of a yak from the hand of a roving band of talentless banned actors from TV pilot America's Got Twat Waffles premiering here in Syria, Oklahoma. The subprime menstral gave us a cash reward my own share of the money is $9.50 Dollars. And i want to trust you so that i can send the money out from here because if you knew Syria, OK, like I know Syria, OK, you'd know that there is not much that is safe in Syria, OK, during yak menstrual migration season here.

 

The bank along a crick that borders a hawg farm where we camp is not working because of the crisis here; if you are watching CNN you will not understand anything relevant because all they talk about is how Donald Trump said something locker roomy to a sixth grade paragiraffe at a petting zoo he visited in 1956.

 

  Know what I mean, Verne?  Can i trust you when the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie it's not a food fight?  If you capable to help me it will please me because I was judged beyond help by four out of five doctors who use Preparation H to shrink buck teeth.  If after you read this and find it in your fart to give me help of some kind in the form of post defecation prostrate massages which on account of my gender are superfluous unless I identify genderally as a pubic rust room daffodil, I will give you 30% of my shares in Myasma, UnInc., a failed firm operating out of the basement of the Bill Clinton Presidential Office Of Auditioning Genital Humidors, which is probably going to have to close because Broom Stick One lost and has broken every mirror in Chappaqua without her make up.  

 

I haven't as yet make all the necessary arrangement on the means of moving out safely, but I have the will to look for one.  Can i trust you to understand that last sentence? Please get back to me via this most peculiar email immediately for mental and genital security reasons, none of which will be explained in upcoming speaks with you.

 

Regards

 

Major Imbecile Elizabeth Dicampli

E-mail: majoredicamplim@gmail.com  

 

 

After reading the edited email, the scammer had no apparent desire for further 'speaks' with me, but one of the scammers receiving the edit was apparently a Hellary fan on some level:

 

 

why do you make fun of Clinton?  

 

Because she's so make fun-able of.  You sleeping with her?  I'll make fun of you too.  

 

 

That thought was apparently enough to end further defense of Hellary from that locality...