NEVER Try To Scam Santa

Being mooned by a snowman is the least of your worries when you try to scam Jolly St. Nick.

Not that this was in the intention of the scammer who tried to impersonate Homeland Security:

I,m Jeh Charles. Johnson. The secretary of the U.S Department of Homeland
security Washington DC. Office Address: 3801 Nebraska Ave NW, Washington, DC
20016, United States. We received a report from ECOWAS that you have an
abandoned fund worth U.S.D 12.5 Million in West Africa. I have instructed
ECOWAS and the concerned authorities to bring the consignment box to our Head
office in Washington DC. the fund will arrive my office today. I want you to
kindly Reconfirm Your Full Name, Current Home Address, Nearest Airport and your
Direct Cell Phone # So that preparation can be made for the delivery of the
consignment to your home address
Chat Conversation End  

My pet rock, Seymour, decided that it was his turn to take to task a Christmas scammer, and he did it with an edit worthy of no one at the North Pole, aside from a couple of elves annoyed with the "Elf on a Shelf" abuses run amok online:


To: jehcharles14@gmail.com
Subject: Re: FELGERCARB FROM SOCK PUPPET SECURITY

 

jehcharles14@gmail.com

On Sunday, December 18, 2016 3:51 PM, Jeh Charles. Johnson, having ingested a sh*tload of egg nog laced with Exlax <giulianogambacorta@alice.it> wrote:
 

I..I say that's I...I say that's me..Jeh Charles Johnson, and I has the singular or plural

pleasure of being knowd as the Suckretary of the Obola diminished Department of

SOCK PUPPET SECURITY.   I make do with palatial orifices located in Washington

 DC. Orifice Address: 3801 Nebraska Ave NW, Washington, DC, 20016, United States.

In a nonplussing turn of events not foreseen by pollsters, msnbc or the DNC oracle

shaped like a toilet that was kept hidden in DWS's orifice until it was time to have to

read it -- at which time it had to be hosed off -- we received a report from ACOWSASS that

you have been determined to be on Santa's "very very VERY BAD LIST" and I have

thus been instructed by ACOWSASS and the concerned authorities to arrange for you

to receive from Santa, that which your very very VERY BAD behavior is deserving of

you to receive.

This is irrevocable, as you have been very very VERY that BAD.

I want you to Reconfirm Your Full Name and Current Home Address

so that Santa is certain to crap down the proper chimney.

 Chat Conversation End Roger Over and Out.

 

This probably netted me a lump of coal; then again, since Seymour joined a carbondating site, that could work out well for him.

"Did NOT!!!  PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!"