Tuesday, June 14, 2016

Online Reprehensibles

Yes, there's a reason that Philip is pictured here, farting on Terrence.

If you've ever seen South Park, you know this dubious animated duo.  They -- and one of their antagonists from Canada -- have found their way into an scammer email edit.

First, the scam ploy:

Capital Resources, Introduce a position of the manager(Representative) for the payment from the customers  and other financial means.We needs a book-keeper in these areas (United States and Canada), so we want to know if you  will like to work online from home and get paid without leaving or it affecting your present job?.
The company deals in the sale of Chippendale, Hepplewhite, Lutyens and Rennie Mackintosh, and are ideally suited to most forms of upholstered furniture, antique, classical and contemporary design exhibition.Capital resources has established an enviable reputation for manufacturing tradition of horsehair weaving and we have clients we supply weekly in the United States and Canada.
We have been receiving orders from United States and Canada,Which we have not been able to process competently and  completely since we do not have a payment receiving personnel in these Areas. We have decided to recruit payment  officers online hence we will be needing a representative/Bookkeeper to process our payments in these areas - due to delays in  processing payments from these areas in outside US.
WHAT WE OFFER: Two hours/day.
WORK AT HOME: Checking e-mail and going to the bank.
OTHER HIGHLIGHTS: No selling involved, no kit to buy,we won't charge you anything.
PAYMENT: Minimum of $2,000/$3,000 per transaction handled,plus $2 per day for checking your emails  daily and also the total amount you make in a month depends on our business transaction with our clients will determine how often you receive payments from out Clients,which  can be twice a week or more so you will get  10% of every Transaction is your payment
MORE EXPLANATION ABOUT THE JOB: If you receive payment weekly  from our clients/costumers in the  USA,payment will strictly be transferred to your bank and then take 10% from it, and then You will forward rest of the fund as you will be instructed in the nearest future to business associates.
All the cost for the transfer of the money to any of our clients/customers information would be,shall also be deducted from the total funds left with you after you have deducted your Commission  which is 10% of the amount received and then you send the remainder of the funds as you shall be instructed.
WHAT WE ASK: Two free hours daily not including weekends, Internet access for sending and receiving e-mails,available .
IMPORTANT: You must be over 19 years of age, U.S,CANADIAN CITIZENSHIP AND ALSO WE WELCOME OTHER  CITIZENSHIP OUTSIDE THE TWO LISTED ABOVE, If you meet these conditions please contact me back by to receive a Representative Contract agreement. Please fill the form below ;

FIRST NAME_____________________    SURNAME_____________________
ADDRESS_____________________       CITY_____________________
STATE_____________________         ZIP CODE_____________________
COUNTRY_____________________       PHONE NUMBER(S)_____________________
GENDER_____________________        MARITAL STATUS_____________________
AGE_____________________           NATIONALITY_____________________

HAVE YOU DONE THIS BEFORE? IF YES WHAT WAS THE OUTCOME
Best Regards.
TIMOTHY BROWN.  
 
I'm sure that if you've "done" this before, the outcome was less than satisfactory.
 
Now it's time for email editing, my style:
 
 
Subject: REPREHENSIBLE HORK NEEDED
Capidull Racehorses Introgoose a position of the manure (Reprehensitive) for the porpoise of being bent over by this orifice.  We needs lots of sh*t -- including a better English translooting pogrom -- but for porpoises h'yar we needs a book-keeper in these areas (United States and Canada, where anyone named Scott is a dick), so we want to know if you  will like to think that you are work online from home and get paid with counterfeit checks. 

That okay dokay for you?
 
The company that we have fornicated here deals in the sale of Chippendung, Heppledouche, Flatus and Rapunzil Mackintwatwaffle lines of sh*t that we're rather pretty clueless about, but we are telled to say that we are ideally suited to most farms of upholsteined tipped cows.  Capidull Racehorses has established an unenviable reputation for f**king up the manufacturing tradition of horseass weaving and we have clitoris we supply weakly in the United States and Canada (where anyone named Scott is a dick).
 
We have been receiving odors from United States -- probably Cartman farting -- and Canada, where anyone named Scott is a dick.  We have not been able to process competently and  completely these odors because Canadian Scott is a dick. We have decided to repoot playmount  octopus online hence we will be needing a reprehensitive beak keeper to protest our playmounts in these areas - due to in Canada, Scott being a dick.

WHAT WE OFFER:  the penis of an angry piranha
OTHER LOWLIGHTS: No selling of sock puppet genitilia involved, no talking car named kit to buy, we won't charge you with anything but your local gendarme might.
PLAYMOUNT:  If you have a minimum you might get  $2 per day.  If you have a maximum, put her on a diet.
MORE EXPLANATION ABOUT THE JOB: If a three peckered goat gets loose in a ewe convent, are they being ram-a-lamb-a-dingdonged, or just standard sucky f**ky five bucks?
All the King's whore houses and all the King's dementia can never put Hellary's email server back together again, with or without the help of Canadian Scott the dick.
WHAT WE ASK: don't get into an email exchange with Scott the dick.
 
IMPORTANT: You must be living, breathing and able to walk and chew gum; you kinda sorta need to be U.S, or CANADIAN CITIZENSHIP (Scott the dick is not eligible) AND ALSO WE WELCOME OTHER  CITIZENSHIP OUTSIDE THE TWO LISTED ABOVE, especially if you are from Uranus; we despot want to open a blanch orifice there.  If you are from Uranus, please contact me back by to receive a Reprehensitive Consnacked aggrievement. Please pedophile the farm below:

FIRST NAME_____________________    SURNAME_____________________SURINAME__________________
ADDRESS_____________________       A PANTS SUIT___________________ CITY_____________________
STATE_____________________         ZIP CODE_____________________
COUNTRY_____________________       PHONE NUMBER(S)_____________________
GENDER YOU WUZ BORN_____________________    GENDER YOU NOW CLAIM_______________________   MARITAL STATUS_____________________
AGE_____________________           BATHROOMNALITY_____________________

HAVE YOU DONE THIS BEFORE? IF YES WHAT WAS THE OUTCOME OR BREATHED HARD?  IF NOT  WHY NOT?  IF NOT SURE, WTF?
Best Regards.
TIMOTHY BROWN.  
 
 
I think I pretty much nixed my opportunity at this job.  My pet rock, Seymour, thinks I enhanced my chances.  But we both agree that Canadian Scott is a dick.

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1 Comments:

Blogger Sandee said...

And you are both right. Canadian Scott is a dick.

Have a fabulous day. Awaiting Seymour's arrival. ☺

14 June, 2016 09:32  

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