Kim Jong Un Can't Win With An Editing Pet Rock
|A 1976 North Korean Yak One Seater|
Another opportunity for my pet rock, Seymour, to bait Kim Jong Un.
I think my pet rock is going to miss Kim Jong Un when he follows his antecedence in demisedom.
With no further adieu-doo (and I'll leave it to you to see what the pet rock just did there):
Top aide to North Korea leader Kim Jong Un dies in exotic execution sloppily disguised as car crash with a yak dung disposal truck: KGAG
By Seymour PetRock – WTFNS
Kim Dang Un Gon, who was a secretary of the Workers' Party and the head of its United Yak Dung Disposal Department, the unit that handles yak dung disposal and tie selection for Kim Jong Un, was Kim Jong Un's "closest comrade, a solid revolutionary partner until executed", the KGAG news agency dutifully talking pointed with a hash tag on the side.
Kim died on Tuesday in an execution sloppily staged to look like an automobile accident at the age of 73, the agency said. It gave no details of the yak dung removal truck that was also damaged and won't be making deliveries for at least a week.
Kim was part of a tightly controlled delegation that was supposed to be exchanging yak dung-loaded artillery fire with South Korea, trying to dump their yak dung south of the 38th Parallel.
The talks produced an agreement that resulted in both sides agreeing to shell each other's fish instead, as well as a side agreement for the two sides to reopen dialogue to improve the selection of ties for Kim Jong Un's anticipated Academy Awards appearance once he wins an Oscar for his appearance in the long-sought Team America World Police sequel.
Kim had appeared closer to Kim Jong Un recently, even while covered in yak dung, at various farm and factory inspections and diplomatic meetings.
He was an adviser with an understanding of broads and how to have and arrange foreign affairs with them.
South Korea expressed condolences *wink snort* in a message from its yak dung disposal Minister, an official said.
China, North Korea's main economic and diplomatic backer, expressed its condolences too, saying Kim had made positive achievements in promoting yak dung removal.
"Comrade Kim Dang Un Gon dedicated himself for a long time to the development of positive yak dung disposal and obtaining ties for Kim Jong Un," Chinese Foreign Ministry spokesman Hung Lo told reporters in Beijing. "Only Comrade Kim Dang Un Gon could have done that for so long for a filthy turtle egg" Hung Lo said.
Kim Jong Un has dismissed a string of top aides since he took over when his father died suddenly in 2011 via exotic and unusual execution methods.
In 2013, he purged and executed his uncle, Jang Song Thaek, who was once considered the second most powerful man in the country, for "pissing off Kim Jong Un".
Impoverished North Korea's road network is badly maintained and car ownership is rare, making it easy for Kim Jong Un and his predecessors to have executions sloppily staged as “car accidents” removing several high-level officials over the years.
In 1976, an official said to be a rival to then-president Kim Il Sung died in an execution sloppily staged as the first ever car crash in North Korea. In 2003, a predecessor to Kim Dang Un Gon died in an execution sloppily staged as the second ever traffic accident and in 2010 top official Ri Je Gang Whoa also died in a “car crash” *wink nod snort*.
"North Korea has a long track record of suspicious deaths around high-level officials," said North Korea expert Trey Parker. "Most die either because they are exotically executed, or they die in exotic executions sloppily staged as car crashes, like when I had the jeep full of dirka dirka jihadists run into the Sphinx thing".
"There are almost no cars that run and the few that do are regularly and sloppily used to simulate car crash executions. Given that, one is bound to be skeptical about any such report that any of America's car makers will be setting up a factory in Pyongyang to distribute overpriced and undersold Priuses in the near future."
Still no Pull My Fanger award for Seymour, but he keeps hoping...
"Do NOT!!!! PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!"