A New Year With A Same Old Blasphemous Pet Rock

As we welcome in 2016 -- and going into the 11th year of this improbable blog -- we begin with my pet rock, Seymour, being his impertinent, indelicate, politically incorrect self.

"Am NOT!!!"

When it comes to online email scammers, yes you are.

"Well...."

Seymour shows little respect for deity in his response to a scamming waif from Cote d' Ivory:


On Friday, December 4, 2015 5:54 AM, Rita William <rita-william@outlook.com> wrote:

Dearest In the Lord Jesus Christ

Greetings,I am Mrs.Rita William. an aging widow suffering from long time illness. i am currently admitted in a private hospital here in Abidjan cote d' Ivory, I have some funds I inherited from my late loving husband Mr.Daniel William. The amount of US$7.500, 000.00 which he deposited in one of the Bank Here and I need a honest and God fearing person who have the feelings of human that can use this funds for God's work and 15% out of the total funds will be for your compensation for doing this work of God. Please if you would be able to use these funds
for the Lord's work kindly reply to me.

May the Grace of our Lord Jesus Christ the love of God and the sweet fellowship of the Lord be with you and your family's Amen.

Your Sister In The Lord.
Mrs.Rita William.  

 

 

Seymour will win no friends or influences amongst the scammer and dupable community with this irreverent response:

 

Dearest in Cote d' Ivory:  I am not the Lord Jesus Christ.  Don't even look like Him.  But I forgive you for the mistake, what with you're obviously being delusional on the drugs you're taking to make this email premise of yours seem remotely plausible.

Tidy as a tithe sum that $7.5 USD million might make in some venues, it is insufficient for me to put on airs as Lord Jesus Christ -- let alone the mule He rode in on -- and assist you in this pithy endeavor of yours. 

I wouldn't consider it for anything less than $75 USD Million.  One must have standards one is willing to abandon.  That's my minimum abandonment price.  Restrictions apply.  See Disclaimer for further details.  When you find it, let me know how and where it was...I lost it during the edit.  

 

 

One thing it did accomplish...it convinced "Mrs Rita William" not to follow up with such an irreverent pet rock with low standards. 

 

"What's 'low' about setting $75 USD Million as a compromiseable standard?"

 

You've always been overpriced, Seymour.

 

"PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!"

 

And on that note, welcome to 2016.