Opening Scam Letter Seminar 101

Yawp...the devil's always in the details.

I decided to let a scammer be the training aid for other scammers in a dumbed down sorta way, and I decided that Anna Clement -- scammer from the Benin Repugnant -- was the perfect choice to do the duties.

Let's start with her rather stellar opening gambit as my character received it:

Attention,

Your silence is some kind of shocking to this office, are you aware that we have completed the verification of your details for the claiming of this fund as the regulation requires? if we must proceed with your transaction then you must keep frequent reply; this is a Ministry and there are certain rules to be followed before the fund will not have any problem in reaching you and after our meeting today, it has been decided that you either claim the fund or as the fund owner order the termination of the fund and lose the fund to be ordered back to the Government Reserves Account as an unclaimed fund, I really wish you to claim this fund but not with the character you have showed which simply shows you are willing to let the fund go.  

 

"Your silence is some kind of shocking to this office".  LMAO.

 

Perhaps they'll find my breaking of that silence a tad moreso, along with their assorted peers and colleagues, as my character steals my pet rock's editing hat and has a go:

 

 

 Attention all you scammer *FAILS*:  here is how you write a *good* scam email opener:

On Monday, November 2, 2015 11:32 PM, Mrs. Anne Clement <castroarmentac@gmail.com> wrote:

  

 Attention,

Your silence is some kind of shocking to this office; we have offered you millions and a date with a yak that looks a lot like Taylor Swift*, and yet you STILL are not showing an awareness that we have completed the verification of your details for the claiming that a constipated mathematician that worked it out with a pencil was judged in error by Crummy Core math standards because he didn't subdivide the pencil five ways with alien script wearing a purple hat?  

If we are to proceed with this effort to give you the business on our parts of the first part using all the whereins and therebys that legalese requires, then you must keep frequent reply; this is a Ministry of baphomet dildos and there are certain rules to be followed before our great goat assed gawd Barack Insane Barry Soetero Obola will not have any problem in sinking a putt that he won't officially know about until the msnbc dude he's sleeping with tells him about it. 

After our meeting today, it has been decided that you either shit or wind your watch.  If you're not sure which option to take, we'll confusedly shit on your watch.  

Please note: this morning after our meeting you owe us $125 for the donuts and coffee we consumed while chasing each other around a large table wearing witch doctor outfits and booga looing our secret password that allows our baphomet dildo to anoint us with holy moley.  The Board now want you to send to us your scammed signature which will allow us to terminate our translator who obviously isn't doing something rightj if you don't meet up the requirement for the coffee and donuts duty fee which is $125.

I emailed you several times in assorted languages and you did not respond and I feel you are ready to lose it -- note that I said that you're ready to lose it while I'm talking about baphomet dildos -- because you have not as yet been affected by the fraud in Africa or the Demoncrap National Committee in DC, and this is plainly not acceptable to our goat's ass baphomet dildo deity.  I want you to know today that this is the chance we insist that you have to receive our only approved chance to scam your sorry ass.  I did mentioned to you that you were just unlucky to not as yet has lost the money you hasn't as yet losed because you are too damned smart assed to dealt with impostors and now we are think that we has a great chance which we demand that you try trusting our word....today our word is douchenozzled twatwaffle, which in Yoruba spells Hellary RodehardPutAwayWet Clinton.

Details of sending the coffee and donut fee of $125.00 are below and please send it as i directed you below without further mistaken mistaked mistake;

Receiver’s name: FRED ASOGWA

Location: Cotonou Benin Republic

Question: Why does "Noel" have a "L" in it?

Answer: Beat the billy bejiggers outta me

Amount: $125

Mtcn control number (don't be wisenhorsenassen:  there are 10 numbers and we wants all ten)…….

Sender’s name……..

Sender’s address………

Sender’s phone (you don't have to send your actual phone...a picture of it will work)………

Thank you for your lack of reading skills that keeps you from understanding while I am waiting for the payment details.

Yours most insincerely

Mrs. Anne Clement,

director baphomet dildo rebushing program

 Tel: +229 68376810  

* but only if you're wearing incredibly thick glasses and Taylor Swift evolves into Chewbacca...

All I got for my trouble was one past scammer demanding that I stop emailing him...the same scammer that told my character that my blasphemy toward his Nigerian Illuminincompoop baphomet would see me dead before the year was over.

 

At best, all his baphomet's managed to do is give me the kinda gas that makes some folks think something died inside me.

 

Including my pet rock....