Not So Long Ago...
Something technologically alien.
A post in an online article that initially reported this used a picture of the Death Star and an Empire star destroyer from Star Wars VI as the teaser for this announcement.
My pet rock, Seymour, had an interesting -- if irreverent -- take on this story, and cranked up his *edit* mode accordingly, most likely to the 'dislike' of the Demoncrap Nincompoop Committee, Debbil Washingmachine Snitz, chairpoison:
Something alienesque possibly spotted orbiting a distant star and ominously headed our way
Scientists – with again, unsettled science – recently identified an irregular mess orbiting a distant star that defies most natural and human explanations.
By Seymour PetRock – WTFNS
And claims to be running for president.
The irregular mess has been known for quite some time, but this is the first time that it's been detected by the Kepler Space Telescope. Which is understandable: cnn and pmsnbc have been evasively misreporting on it for years.
The irregular mess identified approaching from the direction of KMA 8462852, however, was unlike any discovered among the over 150,000 stars that have been analyzed by the Kepler Space Telescope. The irregular mess suggested that KMA 8462852 was surrounded by a whole jumble of politically toxic objects in extremely disfigured formation. Such a pattern might be expected from a millennial TV show of leftist antecedence, with young skulls of mush corrupted by marxist-leaning professors.
“We’d seen this before, but never so disheveled,” explained Abuda Abigliar, a postdouche at Yale. “It was really weird when first observed and has done nothing but get weirder.”
It should be reiterated that this mess is severely irregular to the conventional, logical and rational mind. But not to a leftist Occutard or freebie seeker. It's not something that should be tolerated naturally. And it's coming this way.
So what is it? Scientists have considered a number of scenarios, from cosmic painful rectal itch, to thing from a Bloom County anxiety closet, to common sense being overcome by leftist abject stupidity. But at this juncture the list of possible explanations has been narrowed to two. First, it's possible that the irregular mess could be a long lost TV signal that went deep into space, bounced off of something, and is reflecting back to Earth.
The second possibility that can't be ruled out is a wild one, but wholly expected by lamestream servile mediocres at substandard places like cnn and pmsnbc: there is no reasonable explanation for the irregular mess headed this way from KMA 8462852 at all. It's likely that it's alien, illegal, and is only fit to serve a prison term.
“When [I was shown] the data, I was fascinated by how f***ed up cnn and msnbc were to misrepresent this in reporting,” explained Mason Jarr, a political astronomer from Penn Straightjacket University, to WTFNS. “Criminally leftist aliens should always be the very last hypothesis you consider, but this looked like something you would expect a criminal leftist alien political party to try to foist on a civilized planet.”
The next observation isn't expected to happen until the next demoncrap talking points drivelfest, however. Depending on how much credulity can be suspended, follow-up research would occur in the ensuing months.
One thing is certain: truth IS out there. Just not forthcoming from this irregular mess headed our way from KMA 8462852. It could be the most exciting news to leftist pot heads in drum circles around Occutard EPA superfund sites in Kaliforlornia and NY; or just a very bad Halloween nightmare movie from Hollyweird.
We may find out soon enough.
My pet rock is still patiently waiting for his Pulitzer in editing; I still contend he has a better chance at garnering a Pull My Fanger, or a gesturic version from the Stupor Volunteers of the alien featured in this post.