To and Fro wid Nowhere To Go

That dog caught its tail.

"Now what?", indeed.

But I have a scammer that's chasing his tail and has no clue what he'll do if he ever catches his. 

It all started with an email that had an attachment that my character refused to open.  So my character simply responded thus:


Union Togolaise Bnak (their spelling, not mine) is there something I can do for you besides opening an attachment I ain't opening?  


UNION TOGOLIASE BANK(UTB)
Circularize Boulevard du 13 janvier - Nyékonakpoè
BP 359 LOME Togo
ATM Foreign Remittance Manager(Dr.Koffi Edward)
Email addresses :(atmcardutb@outlook.com)
Tel+22897868595.
REF: 0249- UTBANK/WUP/O4XX-TG:

Attention;(Mr/Mrs.Frank Unsteen),EMAIL ACCOUNT OWNER;

Greetings to you from ATM  Manager UT-BANK Lome-Togo, as I have been waiting for you to contact me through Email for your approved ATM CARD on your names worth $850,000.00 USD (Eight Hundred and Fifty Thousand United States Dollars),Being compensation fund for 150 scam victims members found in the scam list of IMF/UNITED NATIONS ORGANIZATION but I did not hear from you for all these while.

Meanwhile, I attached the scan copy of your approved visa card for your own good record while advising you to go ahead and make the payment of 395euros direct to our bank cashier our bank capital cashier Mrs. Jennifer Alexander through western union or money gram company for her urgent pick up of the payments. Use her data's below for payment;

Names; Mrs.Jennifer Alexander
Address: 13 Boulevard Lome-Togo
Question: Urgent
Answer; Action
Amount: 305euros Only

The earlier the better as we are looking forward to hear from you!

Yours faithfully
Dr.Koffi Edward
ATM Foreign Remittance Manager


So you just need 305 Euros from Ms Alexander?  


I told you to make the processing and delivery fee of your approved atm visa card delivery to our bank cashier Mrs.Jennifer Alexander for her urgent pick up of these fees and keep record of picking up your requested payment from our bank baord of directors before i will start making your card delivery arrangement with the courier company as we all agreed before i contacts you.

Use Mrs.Jennifer Alexander receiving data's below for payment;

Names; Mrs.Jennifer Alexander
Address: 13 Boulevard Lome-Togo
Question: Urgent
Answer; Action
Amount: 305euros Only  

No, you said that Jennifer Alexander would pay the 305 euro fee.  That's what your email said.  Re-read it and get back to me.  

 

 

I gave you Mrs.Jennifer Alexander receiving data's for you to use for making the requested payment to her as our bank capital cashier and not of any means of her paying for the fees for what reason, as we all knows that she never be the beneficiary of the said compensation as its below for payment;

Names; Mrs.Jennifer Alexander
Address: 13 Boulevard Lome-Togo
Question: Urgent
Answer; Action
Amount: 305euros Only

Go ahead and make the payment with through Mrs.Jennifer Alexander above listed information to enable us carry on your card delivery arrangement to you as soon as possible.  

 

 

You told me in the original email that Jennifer would make the payment.  Have Jennifer contact me to straighten this out.  

 

 

That is not the truth Please. I told you to send the money to her been our bank capital cashier before i stated her informations to you.  But, if you are no longer in need of this card forget about writting to me as i have no option that to return back this card to our bank board to avoid lossing it ok
Koffi Edward  

That IS the truth but I think you're right in that I don't really need the card, being a self-made millionaire myself, so go ahead and send it back.  It's apparent that you're not up to conducting this kind of business professionally.  


The choice is yours as we have no option to commence towards this transation than to return everything back to our bank board;  


It was your choice.  I'm okay with it, since I'm already rich.  


Kindly, be informed that i'm only trying to do my job as i was instructed by our bank capital governor, So. since you are not ready to comply with my directions then consider this duty delivery pending for now Sir;

For our urgent action on your behalf use these data's and make the payment as i told you earlier;
Names; Mrs.Jennifer Alexander
Address: 13 Boulevard Lome-Togo
Question: Urgent
Answer; Action
Amount: 305euros Only

Thanks as we are still working o your behalf!  

 

 

Let me ask you....if you were rich as I am -- I am worth an estimated $27 million USD -- would you waste time with this after receiving less than professional and clear instructions?  If you were me, the answer would be certainly not.  So...do what you say you must.  I'm okay with it.


 But, if you are on my show wouldn't you like to get done your assigned duty and keep your good record as i am only trying to do?   I need your assistance to do my job or i will go ahead and return everything back as you said.  

What "good record" is it that I'm trying to keep, as you put it?  Explain your statement...perhaps we can yet do business.  

 

 

For our urgent action on your behalf while making your card delivery to you we are hereby advice you to use these data's and make the payment as i told you earlier;  

 

 

Re-send your data.  

 

 

Attention Sir,

Regarding your demands please use my name and make the payment to avoid delay while picking it up ok.

Names; Mr.Koffi Edward  

 

 

You are Koffi Annon? 

The UN dude?  

 

 

Is this a joke or insult Mr Frank?  

 

 

What joke?  I asked if you are Koffi Annon.  What's funny about that? What's the matter with you?  

 

 

Please sorry for the way i wrote and communicated with you Sir, I'm  not Koffi Annan, but Koffi Edward Sir.   Meanwhile, what still kept you waiting from sending the money as I  told you earlier?
We await your payment update to enable us start making your visa card  delivery arrangement to you.
Stop delaying us please  

 

 

Okay, so you're not Koffi Annon.  At any rate, what keeps me from sending money for the visa card is, in part, my lack of need of it.  You see, I'm a wealthy entremanure, and have assets worth $325,000,000.  So for what purpose would I gain anything from getting this pithy visa card?  My Amex card has no limit.  My MasterCard is the same.  But if you offer things that neither Amex nor MasterCard do, I am listening to your pitch.  A good businessman never ignores a well-placed offer.


 We await your payment update to enable us start making your visa card  delivery arrangement to you.   Stop delaying us please  

Don't you read email?   I'm wealthy, I don't need your visa card.  If anything, you should be soliciting me for a loan.  

 

 

Ok, the month is about to end Mr Frank.  Koffi Edward  

 

 

I see you can read a calendar.  Do you know the difference between that and a colander?   

 

 

YOU CANNOT UNDERSTAND ME NOW RIGHT? BUT IS BETTER THAT YOU UNDERSTAND ME.  KOFFI EDWARD  

 

 

Did someone spill Enzyte on your keyboard?  Or are you just cybershouting for no good reason, because your words are no louder in large caps than small.  

 

 

Please be informed that we are still looking forward to hear from you base on the requested fees to enable us get done your card delivery duty done to you through the help of Ecowas courier company as we all the board members of this bank agreed together.

Note, that London Financail House of investigation warned you to round up everything about this duty and make sure that you claim this approved visa card on your names before the end of this month or they will confiscate this card as we have no option again than to contact you about the information due to today's date been 28 July 2015,for you to know that you have three days more to settle these fee for us to start making your card delivery arrangement with Courier Company.  

 

 

Looking forward is a good thing.  Looking backward causes you to run into sh**.  

 

 

YOU CANNOT UNDERSTAND ME NOW RIGHT? BUT IS BETTER THAT YOU UNDERSTAND ME.  

 

 

Are you getting Alzheimer's?  You just repeated yourself with Enzyte on your keys again.  Stop that.  I understand you more than I don't, Koffi.  So it's better than not.  You consider that a good thing, right?  

 

 

yes, i gave you my words what more you wanted?  

 

 

If you gave me your words, why you want me to pay for them?  Or do "give" in your neck of the woods mean sumpin different, like "is" has a diff meaning to Slick Willy?   

 

 

Ok, as the choice is yours.But the earlier you follow my advice faster shall we delivery your approved visa card to you through the help of Ecowas courier company and for delaying till now Sir. I am ariad of you losing this funds based on the intervention of London house of investigation with IMF Agencu UK.

Kindly, go ahead and contact Ecowas courier diplomatic agent for your visa card delivery to you within 72hours as i was promised from day one of this deposit.

Mr.Mike Odo(Diplomatic Agent)
Email:(ecowascouriercompanytogo@gmail.com )Telephone;+22893341451

Thank you as i'm waiting to receive the delivery update from you as soon as possible.  

 

 

We seem to have regressed back to your original lack of understanding.  How is this possible? Are we living a "Ground Hog Day" moment?   

 

 

Mr Frank what???  

 

 

Dang, don't you ever get out on Saturday night?  Surely you saw the movie Groundhog Day at the Shrunken Head Unga Bunga Theatre in downtown Third World, right? 


ok settle the bill with Mr Mike Odo now and instruct him on where to delivery your card to you.  


Who is he?  Why should I settle the bill with him?  


For your information your visa card is real awaiting for you in Ecowas courier company custody while waiting for you to settle the immunity yellow tag document fee of 129$ with Mr Mike Odo the Ecowas diplomatic agent assigned to carry your delivery duty to you and instruct him on where to delivery your card to you.

Dont think to keep silent and receive this card from courier company as we are here to let you know that your duty cannot move from here into your country within this tag for non-inspection of finanacial authorities.  


My doubts about your reality have never been in question.  It's your communication skills that lack.  Who is that last guy you told me to contact and how is he germaine or dutch to this business?


Sorry the person which i asked you to contact is the courier diplomatic agent Mr. Mike Odo, who is in charge of your card delivery duty.   So, contact him now with the tag fee of 129$ and instruct him on where to delivery this card to you.

Did you just change the required fee?  Since when was it $129?  


Forget the processing and delivery fee of 305euros, as our bank board stated that you can only pay for the tag immunity fee to Ecowas Courier company agent Mr Mike Odo to obtain the non-inspection yellow immunity tag.  Pay only 129$ for the delivery to be done to you and then you can settle our bank processing fees and other.But for now go ahead and pay 129$ to Mike Odo Ecowas courier diplomatic agent. 


What is a yellow immunity tag for?  What do I have to be immunized for?

 

It is for non-inspection of your card delivery to you as the courier company instructed to avoid intervention of any financial Authorities upon his delivery process of this card to you.  Avoid delay thank you!  


No worries...I never travel anywhere near Delay, so avoiding it is easy.  Thank you for the unnecessary remindeer.
 

 you are not serous. No more are you to contact us.  


Only now the *light bulb* goes on....oh wait...that's right, you've no idea what a light bulb is.  So sorry.  If I'd drummed it, you might have kenned soonerest.  Now, where were we?  


It took that long for him/them to realize that this 'to and fro' had nowhere to go.  ;-)