A Walton Family Email

Is there a connection between Mrs. Sam Walton and Miley Cyrus?

Probably not, but leave it to me to make one.

I just got an email from a "Mrs. Christy Walton", who therein purports to be the "Second Richest Woman in the World".

Uh huh.

And Miley Cyrus is Paris Hilton's dog.

At any rate, read for yourself what Herself sent me:


Greeting to you my dear Brothers and Sisters the good people of this planet
earth i am writing you this email not to disturb you but to ask for your
assistant based on my personality and my present condition in life and in
particular what i intend doing for CHARITY.

I am Mrs. Christy Walton the 2nd Richest Woman in the world am a great
citizen of United States of America, am bringing to you a proposal which i
want you to assist me with, i worth $25.5 billion Dollars which rates me as
the 2nd Richest Woman in the World.

As the going says Money is not every thing on earth, is painful now to let
the world now know my present condition as a cry for help,I have been
suffering from a Heart disease for the pass 22years,just few weeks ago my
Doctors in America just told me now that is time for me to die, and my Will
which is with my Lawyer which my Family is fully awhere about, but nobody
have knowledge of my savings in Bank deposit which is Worth
$9,000,000.00(Nine Million United State Dollars).

I intend to give to CHARITY because I have not seen anybody from my Family,
Relations and Friends whom i trust that can help me out, because i always
have this DREAM to help CHARITY and i have always promise myself that i most
give this amount at my end time to CHARITY, can i please trust you to help
me give to CHARITY this enormous amount of Money because i have just 2
Months left to die, as I write to you now am full of Tears as I await my
death.

Please reply me back with your below details to enable us proceed further
and please keep this confidential.

NAME......................
ADDRESSES..................
MOBILE:....................
NUMBER.....................
OCCUPATION.................

God Bless You.
Mrs. Christy Walton  


My email cup continueth to run over.  With inert compost.


And how, you might ask, did I respond to the Second Richest Woman in the World?   As my pet rock Seymour says....in total character:


Greeting to you my gullible bros 'n hos and all other such peoples of this part of the Solar System!  Except to them parts what dissed my legacy store and went with a Target instead.  To y'all, piss up a rope.

 

i am writing you this email not to disturb you but to ask for your assistant based on my personality and my present condition in life and in particular what i intend doing to CHARITY or anyone or thing so named.

I am Mrs. Christy Walton the 2nd Richest Woman in the world, and a regular bitch when I lose at canasta.  I fancy myself a great citizen bringing to you a proposal which I want you to assist me with, i worth $25.5 billion Dollars which rates me as the 2nd Richest Woman in the World.  

 

And as you can sees, all that moneys doesn't make me a fart smeller, or any variation therefrom.  Bein' a rich bitch, I hire peoples to be the fart smellers for me.

 

As the going says money is not everything on this Earth.  Just ask Uranus.

 

That's where one of my fart smellers steps in.

 

But even with all my moneys, I am not issuing a cry for help.  I have been suffering from not having as many pairs of shoes as Imelda Marcos did, that bitch.  And now, my Doctors in America are told me that thanks to soetero doesn'tcare, I just losed my doctors and the death panel voted 8-1 to let

me die of demeaning genital warthogs.

 

 I intend to give to anyone named CHARITY all of my genital warts because I have not seen anybody with that name that I like or will share a battery operated dildo with.  i have just 2 Months left to die, unless I get picked to replace Miley Cyrus at the next VMAs, sticking out my butt and tongue at the same time and doing gyrations that will surely cause Nashville to implode as I await my achy breaky genital warts from morphing into something that looks like Kathleen Sebelius.

Please reply me back with your below details to enable us proceed further and please keep this confidential.

NAME......................
ADDRESSES..................
MOBILE, TUSCALOOSA OR OTHER DENTAL ISSUES:....................
NUMBER.....................
OCCUPATION.................

God help someone as dumb as you if you bought this sh*t, 

Mrs. Christy Walton, illegitimate pet gerbil and love rodent of John Boy, who

was really freebasing distilled corn behind the Walton cabin...

 

 

Ms Walton hasn't as yet seed fit to address the edit, though I've been covertly warned that if I ever enter a Walmart store, all those falling price dot icons will jump my ass...