Biblical Quotes From Scamdom

With this particular scam, I reckon I AM dealing with a meth lab.

Or someone who has spent too much time doing sample testing for one.

Reverend Paul Smith decided I needed a nudge to get my ATM card and my long awaited fund into my hot little hands.

For a fee, of course.

I didn't have the heart to tell the rev that I ain't gots no fund.  Instead, I was the kind of no fund that many scammers are coming to know me as.

I'm sure you see what I just did there.  The rev did.

Here's the opening salvo of his missive:


We are here to update you about your fund long awaited, the contents
of it is quite noted and well understood by me that you are trying to
get your funds for long time now but no avail and am to inform you
that you are free to receive your payment from us because our
government has done everything for you to start getting it from this
department, I will like to inform you that the Federal Government of
Benin Republic has spent a huge amount of money spreading crusade
against imposters /scam people and their fraudulent activities, those
that are parading themselves as the  right one, why they  are not. I
was appointed by the federal government of Benin Republic  as a
REVEREND FATHER to make all this  payment available to you as the
beneficiaries.


 Remember the Scripture of the HOLY BIBLE which says that touch not my
anointing and do my prophets no Harm ,I was ORDAINED and ANOINTED as a
Holy REVEREND FATHER at the VATICAN CITY of ROME and I does not tell
lies because lying is the greatest sin Our ALMIGHTY hates and any one
who lies will never go free unpunished as the Scripture of the HOLY
BIBLE says.GOD bear Me True witness that all I am telling You is the
Truth and nothing but the Truth. 


I think this clown works in the Barrycades Hussein Soetero regime and took talking point lessons from Kathleen Sebelius.


And now, the fund begins, as I edit the snarf outta his missive, and ship it back to him all revved up thus:

We are here to update you about your painful rectal itch we is gibted to

stand under you having this a malady of itchical proportionalities.  

It is quite noted and well understood by me that you are trying to
get rid of this Affleck for long time now but no avail as he still infests

Netflux and other movie porpoises. 

 

Well I was appointed by the federal government of Benin Republic  as a
REVEREND FATHER to make all this Affleck painful rectal itch a thing

in your rears, so no mores you gotsta drag your bum across termite

infested tree stumps for relieve.  


 Remember the Scripture of the HOLY COW which says that touch not my
junk and do my gonads no Harm, for if a sheep is a ram and a donkey is

an ass, thus it was in the beginning, and shall ever after be, that a ram in

the ass is a goose in the Kingdom of Chicanery-ago.

 

You see that I knows this stuff on accounta cuz I was ORDAINED and ANOINTED

as a Holy Cow -- thrice removed for drunken cud spitting -- REVEREND FATHER

at the VULCAN CITY of SPOCK and I does tell lies because lying is the greatest

gift a liberal believes in, and since we liberals do not believe in the Our ALMIGHTY,

we don't care about afterlife retribution.  

 

'Sides, we have the media sniffing our butts as diety.

 

We're more worried about being registered on nobamadoesn'tcare and having

our bank accounts pillaged by the IRA, FBR, Department Of Homemade Koolaid

and those junk touchers of the TSA.

 

 To Re-State my Earlier Statement would be redumbdance, so I'll restate it a

diffident way:  my Ethical Principal is an anal suppository named Harry Reid,

and it gives me boils all over my Nancy Pelosi. 

As a matter of Fact, I cannot indulge myself to any Hoax 'n change and cannot
make myself a cheat Rook as a clergy, so's long as I don't keep my fingers crossed

in Debbie Wasserpuss-Schiltz's ample backside.  But since they are, I am free to

lie like Barrycades Hussein Soetero. 

 

And I know where Hilarity Rodehard Clindumb parks her broom.

 

If only you believe on me my word is my genital cockleburr, you must receive your
your BTE card for booze, drugs and Cheetos soonest for the
requirement needed from you, unfailingly on Monday morning, as I said
you will receive it the next day because I ship it via the nobamadoesn'tcare

webslight, with guaranteed overdecade delivery to somewhere in the nearby galaxy.


You get all this and egg roll too when you send me delivery charges of $967 via
MONEY-GRAM,through the receiving officer stated below.


NAME: Augustine Obalim
COUNTRY: BENIN REPUBLIC
CITY: PORTO-NOVO
TEXT QUESTION: WHAT THE
ANSWER: F**K
AMOUNT: $:967 United States Dollars or 27,989 worthless West African francs.


Don't piss me off with the francs.

 

Call Me And Give Me some idea as to what you think my ancestral heritage is, because

I am not sure after having been a democrat for a little while.
.

Finally , as soon as I hear from you soonest, I shall not hesitate to
wet myself in abject ecstacy.  Unless you sent the francs.  Then I'll just

wet myself and call you a greedy, mean-spirited Tea Party conservative,

whatever that is.  Chris Matthews -- while he was here doing a water buffalo from

behind -- said that that's a bad thing. 

 

THANK YOU FOR YOUR STANDUNDERS,

Rev Paul Smith
Director, ATM payment department
Call+2299182982

My email response seemed to confuse the good Rev; he sent me back a blank reply, and won't respond to my inquiries for him to fill in his blanks.