Halloween, Libyan Scammers, Shutdowns and Edits, Oh My

This pumpkin looks like he's reading the letter a lengthily-named Libyan scammer sent me, seeking my help to complete the assignment 'she' was allegedly given by the late and unlamented President Moammar Qaddafi (one spelling of many).

Yeah, right.

Granted, it was a tidy sum 'she' was talking:  $94 million USD.

Which I'm sure already went to pay for Barrycade's last vacation, but I digress.

The letter -- a significant missive of dubious antecedence and occasionally shoddy syntax -- was an editing joy to behold.

But I didn't edit all of it:  no, I left significant passages of the original letter intact, just making cosmetic changes, as my pet rock, Seymour, thought would be appropriate.

So, to differentiate between what remains of the original letter and my edits, you'll read the following thus:  if the print is like this, that's what the scammer originally sent me.  If it's in italics, that's my edit.

I'm still awaiting thoughts from the scammer and about 50 of 'her' peers and colleagues.

I'll probably be waiting for an honest democrat even longer:


Dear Friend,

 

I decided to contact you after viewing your prostate. It is unfortunate that we should meet like this, looking through your prostate and be in this transsexual situation with camels like this.  Although, I haven't much time but the short period is enough to explain to you  about this deal.

 

However, since the announcement of building an amusement park in late president Gadhafi's compound has been coupled with the sentence of Ahmed Ibrahim (Gadhafi's education minister ) to death when he was found guilty of installing peekaboos in the seats of the women's restrooms.  This resulted into the video of more than 20 miles of female Libyan fecal material  and the predictable Girls Gone Defecating videos now viral on Libyan websites that allowed more than 1,000 goats to escape near Benghazi. Since then, things has  never been the same in Libya.  This could be the commencement of a second government shutdown in the world, after yours.

 

 

This would be a situation, a terrible one indeed here in Libya, because we don't have msnbc here to make it the Republicans' fault.   Since the announcement of the restroom peekaboos and the escaping goats, thing has changed drastically here. If you have been following the PRESS TV or even BBC news, then you will be aware of how many cases of painful rectal itch exists here earlier before now. It said the case against moochelle Obama having taken physical control of barack's testicles is clearly demonstrated every time Jay Carney drivels.  Barack -- which sound like someone throwing up every time it be said -- and other senior regime members would include charges of forming criminal gangs, inciting rape of hamsters and illegal shutdowns of stuff that war veterans will kick the sh*t out of them over.  And the situation got worst after Hillary Clinton proved she had access to controlling Barack's balls, too.  She gots the lockbox for Slick Willie's, y'know. 

 

 

We read it on Snopes.  It's about the only thing we believe there.

 

 

Six soldiers from an elite Libyan army unit were raped overnight by masked yaks in the restive eastern city of Ben-anything-goes-zi.  A source at the army's command center in the city told CNN that Hong Kong was really down river from Deadtroit, and not in Brazil.  

This then led to heavy fighting between manatees and piranha in the area, he added. Benghazi was the center of the uprising that toppled flushing toilets and porta-potties every where around here in 2011 during Halloween, which the terrorists -- funded by the guy who's name sounds like throw up -- didn't understand whatsoever, especially when Hillary arrived on a broom.  It has become increasingly unstable amid clashes between militant goats, camels, and who's getting Carlos Danger photo tweets of what analysts believe to be a snail darter dork.  Not to be left out, donkeys with different tribal and ideological links control parts of the city, which has seen a wave of attacks on government workers duped into being bent over when the donkeys jump mount them. And this attacks has escalated. If the donkeys join the goats and camels in these rape-crazy times, what is the hope of Kathleen Sebelius of getting laid here?  

 

 

It will make a good sense to begin with an identification of my humble self.  My name is Mrs. Bustillous Bustillous Emillia Ahmed Bin -- my spellchecker can never survive past the 'Bin' -- a former Venezuela Citizen before marrying a Islamist goataphile named Achmed.  I was a loyal companion and a business representative of President Muammar Al-Gaddafi's pet gerbils. In other words, I have been his rodent mama.

 

However, before the escalation of various farm animals behaving like democrats at an Occupy camp, the sum of $94 million was released to me by a tights-wearing munchkin who was running madly from a gang of horny goats.  Unfortunately for him, they caught him in Dubai and Dubai-Dubai-dooed him there, ruining his tights.   But fortunately for me, the munchkin decoyed the goats off my camel-pounded ass.  Now that Libya is tougher than telling Old Faithful not to geyse because of the government shutdown -- it just geologically tells the Inferior Secretary to piss up a rope -- i have decided to run for Congress in a democrat district with a fake birth certificate so I can sit on my ass and vote "present" and one day be just like the guy who's name sounds like you're throwing up when you say it.

 

 

Really.

 

 

Suffice to say that, my primary aim of writing you this message was something entirely different before the smartass son of a bitch that received it edited the f**k out of it and made me look like Debbie Wasserman-Schlitz...a stammering buffoon with the face of a zombie's butt. 

 

For the purpose of clarity, I will ask you to kindly send me this copy of the email, so I can (a) send you what I intended to do to you and (b) try to track down this jackwagon and douche his dictionary.   

 

Finally, based on the experience i have had here in Deadtroit, seeing all these innocent cattle raped and children stampeded amongst their parents on unsafe playgrounds full of soccer balls and monkey bars, i promised my God that if  he sees my family and i through this difficult and trial times, we shall move to Liectenstein and learn to ass yodel.  I think that a better life than to stay in Deadtroit and have Occupy Whatever zombies steal my free phone and Cheese Puffs in some liberal udopian "spread the cheeks" society based on the Las Vegas odds on who's head is further up Barack's ass...his or Chris Matthews.  it will be a dream come true. 

 

 

Unless I wake up in NYC with Michael Bloomingidiotberg taking away my guns, 20 oz sodas, and making me douche with East River water.  That is not the dream I am planning to have.

 

Yours  Ada Emillia (I left off the rest 'cuz my hands cramped from overusing my dildo last night).

Email me back?        sshaikhh22@ovi.com

 

 

As I said, I sent a copy of this to the originating scammer, 50 of her fellows, and the Democrat National Crime-ittee.  So far, none of them have responded.

 

I know that in the case of the DNC it's because of the government shutdown; their one and only literate member is still trying to figure out how to plug up Old Faithful, leaving none of them to read what the email says.  I suppose I should have presented it in talking points with giant font and spelled ebonically...