Lotto Brevity

Lotto scams.  Ya gotta luv 'em.

Especially the brief ones.

Take this one for instance...one of the shortest lotto scam emails I've ever received:

Dear Brethren, My name is Jeanne Fortuyn, Am a 62 years old widow. I winned big lottory and I want to donate Seven Million, Five
hundred thousand United state dollars. 7,500,000 USD to charity Organisation in your country.Please contact
me for more detail (jeanefortuyu01@yahoo.com.hk)
Regards, Jeanne Fortuyn. 


Forget that the email was addressed from a Stacey Lewis
(stacey.lewis@apsva.us) and sent to info@notice.com. 

I guess I had the right info to get noticed, eh?

Forget about the terrible grammar and spelling; for all I know, she's a student in the Chicago public skools.  With that in mind, her self-esteem is already laying in enough tatters to last a lifetime; I really felt an obligation to reply, and with almost as much brevity as she:


Dear Episcopals, my name is Sharon Fallatio.  Yes, my parents really name me that.  They wrote comedy for Rachal Madcow to use on a sitcom with Barney Fwank, entitled My Entirely F***ed Up Worldview.  It was supposed to run on Airhead America, until it capsize and stink.

I was cleaning out my closet, and I found 7.5 million vaginal swabs I never turned in to get tested for whatever it was I was swabbing.  I guess I just liked swabbing.  Hooha.  A little more to the LOOOEEEEEEE, oh yassa, dat be da spot, homeboy!

So now, my local municipality is demanding I send these things somewhere.  Ecological disaster, they said?  I think I should be file discrimination but Gloria Allred's busy trying to prop up Sandra Fluke. 

So, I gots ta go someplaces wid alla dis swabs.  You want somma dis?
If yes, email me h'yah at jeanefortuyu01@yahoo.com.hk; if you don't, I hope one of your neighbors gets a bunch and leaves them for your cat to drag in.


After a couple days, I got a reply with which I am wholly in agreement with:


u 1 sick bastard 


Only if I order some of your swabs.  I hear even crotch crickets can't go 'em.  Hillary Clinton might be in for a few thou though....


The ensuing silence suggests she thinks her point is made...