Skunkfeathers: Post 1800: Dying Scammers And Uranus Wunst Agin

This blog began in June 2005 with Post 1.

At an average of one post every three or so days, it's taken this long to make it to Post 1800.

Naturally, Uranus would have to find a place in it.

Since it starts with a Third World email scam, that fits.

A heavily-favored template in Scamland is that of a dying person in a Third World hospital, offering the email recipient millions.

Righhhhhhhhhht.

Here's the latest effort to tug at my heart strings from Scamland:

Hello,
I'm Ms Aleksandra Lakic. I am writing from a hospital in Ivory Coast,
therefore this mail is very urgent.

I have been told by my doctor that I was poisoned and have got my liver

damaged and can only live for few more weeks, I have a little orphan child,

named Janice and [8.4 Million dollars] I inherited from my late father, I

want you to help her out of this country with the money.

(1) Set out 40% of the money to establish my daughter Janice

(2) Give 30% of the money to the less privileged. The remaining

30% should be for you and others that you may love to assist.

Contact my daughter with her details below.

Janice Lakic
janicelakic@gmail.com
Telephone: +225 0574 0164 79

She will give you the documents of the money and will direct you to a
well known lawyer that I have appointed to her, the lawyer will assist
you to change the documents of the money to your name to enable the
bank to transfer the money to you. Janice is a young girl therefore
guides her.
Thanks for your acceptance to help accomplish my wish.
Ms Aleksandra Lakic

This would have been all well and good, 'cept that over the years, I have no heart strings available to tug. My pet rocks, Seymour and Element, will confirm that.

So my reply to both Lakics would be anticipated to reflect that:

Statistically speaking, you are less likely to emerge from a hospital in the Ivory Coast than you are to survive a journey to Uranus in a Yugo.

I recommend you find yourself a Yugo to become ensconced in soonest if not soonerer.

When survival is better th'yah than h'yah,

the sooner you start, the better off-er-er you'll be. Just sayin'.

The elder and allegedly ailing Lakic had nothing further to add after that, but Janice Lakic wasn't quite ready to let it go, though the understanding gap was obvious:

i do not undersand your reply?

So I see. Allowing for clarification, your operation to give me the business has aborted. You might try a new tact and template. Perhaps one involving an inflatable sex toy, a Motel 6, a compromised politician, and Preparation H misused as toothpaste. See if your handlers understand THAT.