Skunkfeathers: Ignorance Is Only Bliss If It Doesn't Know Any Better

Sometimes, ignorance IS bliss.

Then again, there's Alexa Bliss...RRowwwrrr.

But that ain't the bliss at work here.

No, this bliss is the kind when scammers do not or can not read the response you send them to their opening salvo, and they react as if you're all in with them.

Like Huston Ali.

We begin:

I am Mr.Huston Ali,from West Africa am sorry to intrude into your privacy I got your email address through internet via computerized search
after my prayers so I bring to you this transaction which I notify from our bank an abandon fund which belongs to our late foreign customer who
deposited the sum 10.2 million USD but he died at of cancer and
ever since then no one has applied to claim the fund
so I write to you with confidence that you can be a help so we can get
the fund out of the bank I want you to apply to the bank as his
foreign business partner note that once the fund is been release to
your wish bank account in your country it will be shared among us in
the ratio of 60%40 if you are interested please kindly forward your
details so we can move towards it.

Your full name...........

Your Bank Name:............

Your Telephone Number:............

Your Age And Sex:.......................

Your marital status........

Your Occupation..........

Your Country city............

Thanks
Mr Huston Ali....

My reply was not meant to test Ali's comprehension:

Mr. Huston Ali from West Africa, eh?

You haven't intruded into my privacy, you staph-infected jockstrap. You've simply amused me with your sandpoundingly stupid email that's more full of sh*t than a Christmas goose. You abject morons have no clue as to how to write a credible scam template, so you keep sending me these blatantly stupid ones.

For if it had been, Ali flunked monumentally:

Dear Mr Jack Ewehoff,

Thank you so much for your kind response towards my proposal letter,please try to understand that I don't have any bad intention to contact you in this great opportunity, but I believe it will be a great benefit to both of us if you handle it with honest and sincere.

Then he goes on:

To be very honest with you, this transaction I have opened-up to you is totally genuine and 100% risk-free. I am absolutely assuring you that no trouble or problems will involved in this transaction either
in the short-run or in the long-run because I have been working with this bank for many years now, which I know all its secrets very well,

i and my colleagues have carefully mapped-out our perfect strategies to carry out this transaction successfully.

Moreover, you have to understand that the deceased customer of this bank late Dr. Walid Ahmed Juffali who deposited the money in question is a well known Businessman and Investor, and since his death nobody has ever come to claim this deposited funds. While the bank management has been waiting for any of his relatives/business partner to come-up for the claim, that is the main reason why I decided to contact you,

so that you will stand as his foreign business partner and apply to my bank here with the information which I am going to give you to apply
as his foreign Business Partner to enable them to start processing the transfer of the fund into any bank account of your choice. And once the fund is transferred to the bank account that you will provide to my bank, I will then arrange my travelling documents and visit your country for us to share the fund accordingly.

Please note very well that I am still working with this bank hence I am in good position to give you all the necessary information that will assist you to claim this fund successfully, but please do not
betray or disappoint me when you finally received the fund into your bank account.

Note: I can only reach you through email whenever I am in the office for security reasons, because our calls might be monitored while in the office. I just have to be sure of whom I am dealing with, as you
can see the amount is a huge sum of money and we have to build trust between each others to achieve our aim.

I wait to hear from you, so that I will give you the application form and bank contact information for you to apply to the bank as his foreign business partner, and in less than 14 working days the money should noted in your account and I will come over for my share of the fund.

I am expecting to hear from you for further clarification as soon as possible.

Thanks a lot in anticipation of your quick reply,

Thanks
My Best regards.
Huston Ali.
Tell+226 65255625.

Suddenly I find my sarcasm reservoir is overflowing after a glimpse of his blissful ignorance, so I employ a little of it so as not to waste it like a turd down a toilet:

It amuses me to receive your thanks for my kind reply that clearly you didn't read or grasp. You're welcome.

Yes, I'm sure that you and your peers there have everything mapped out with the precision of a second lieutenant fresh out of West Point that's using the wrong kind of compass; he doesn't know where he is but he's etched a neat little ditty to Ethel in the desk top that's sure to get him detention and some gender sensitivity training.

And I find your assurance that your scheme is 100% genuine and risk-free to be a comfort to anyone who is more fluent in Azerbaijani than they are in English.

You say that the source of the 'money' for this ploy, the late Dr. Walid Ahmed Juffali who deposited the money in question is a well known Businessman and Investor. I never heard of him.

Neither have either of my pet rocks, my deactivated Alexa, or Bob Uecker. Then again, perhaps Bob Uecker has heard of him, and Ueck's made up a couple or more funny stories about him.

Yes, I can't fail but to note that you say you're still working at this bank that you're attempting to swindle. Or you're not, and it's just me that you're attempting to swindle. Either way, you request confidentiality so that you're not exposed like a trench-coated pervert on Colfax Avenue in the low-rent district. I promise that I'll keep that in mind when I post this.

Do get back to me with more details, as I am now sure that no matter what I say, you will.

I was right on both points:

Dear Mr Jack Ewehoff,

I am ready to do the transaction with you I am 100% pleased with you. You sound so trust worthy. I will do the deal with you. In less than one week, this fund will hit in your account, and then I and my entire family will come over to your country for the normal disbursement as discussed earlier on.

He goes on to direct me to a 'banker' with the Bank of Africa, located in bucolic Burkina Fatso, a hotbed of banking and scammer-level integrity and ethics. This is what I'm supposed to send to the bank at Ali's recommendation:

Attn: Mr. Mallam Bobo Ouderago
Foreign Remittances Director
Bank of Africa (BOA)
Ouagadougou, North West zone-
Annex, 01 Ouaga
Burkina Faso, West Africa
Email: (info.boabankofafricaa@financier.com)

Subject: applying as the next of kin to the deceased.

I,………..apply to your bank as the next of kin to your deceased customer Dr. Walid Ahmed Juffali from Saudi Arabia holder of account no BF4934109,,putting claim over his balance with your bank valued at US$10.2 Million Dollars only. Sir, I wish to be intimated on the procedures involved in having this fund transfer into my account as given below:

1. Full Name...................
2. Sex.................................
3. Age............................
4. Country....................
5. Marital status..............
6. Occupation:..................
7. Bank name....
8. Bank account No............
9. Bank phone n.................
10. Bank swift code:.............
11. Personal mobile No..........
12. Personal fax No............
13. Personal E-mail:………

Okay, fine: let's see if his 'banker' is as blissfully ignorant as Ali, as I allow my pet rocks Seymour and Element to 'doctor up' the letter template Ali sent me to use with the bank:

Attn: Mr. Mallam Bobo Ouderago
Foreign Remittances Director
Bank of Africa (BOA)
Ouagadougou, North West zone-
Annex, 01 Ouaga
Burkina Faso, West Africa
Email: (info.boabankofafricaa@financier.com)

Subject: applying Preparation H in Sensitive Genital Areas as the next of kin to the deceased.

I, being of sound mind and willing remainder if it's with Alexa Bliss, do hereby and forth or fifthwith apply to your bank as the next of kin to a diseased and likely since deceased customer that everybody in Africa know'd, Dr. Walid Ahmed Juffali from Saudi Arabia holder of account no BF4934109. No one outside of Africa or Newark know'd poor Juffali other than as the quad-gendered pole dancer at the dive club Jock Strap Josie's on West Podunk Avenue in Pahrump, Nevada. That aside, I am or is putting claim over his balance with your bank valued at US$10.2 Million Dollars only. Sir, I wish you to understand that I am not to be intimidated by the procedures involved in having this fund transfer into my account as given below because such things do not intimidate me unless you're an Alaskan Brown Bear...those f**kers are lethal.:

1. Full Name...................Jack N. Ewehoff
2. Sex.................................when it won't get me arrested or slapped, yes
3. Age............................old enough for this sh*t
4. Country....................USofA
5. Marital status..............what the f**k does that matter
6. Occupation:..................I have one
7. Bank name....International Bank of Fawg, Ltd.
8. Bank account No............0185863992
9. Bank phone n.................303-582-5440
10. Bank swift code:.............Bofwtf4N
11. Personal mobile No..........303-582-5441
12. Personal fax No............303-582-5442
13. Personal E-mail:………hustonali2999@gmail.com

I also apologies for not being able to have applied since my sudden death in a accident involving COVID, an inflatable yak sex toy and a Yugo on 20th July 2021. Having since learned that it was due to some family problem which have just being settled, you can contact me via séance on the 3rd Astral Plane. I wish an urgent attention should be given to my humble application as the urgency implies on this matter.

Will the 'bank' be any brighter than Ali? Lessee....

...well, after the doctored email to the bank, suddenly somone on that end bothered to actually read what I was sending them...and with that, the genuine and 100% risk free offer was rescinded without further comment.

That kind of bliss never lasts.