Self-Derailed Scams (aka Emails From The Proofreading Edge)

 Finding good help these days is hard.

Finding good help that wants to work, harder still.

Finding good help that knows how to proofread in Scamland, hardest of all apparently.

A few quick examples:

Good Day

Scam Compensation sum of USD$4.9 million dollars have been approve through the World Bank Mass Assisted Project Deposit Fund. This compensation payment was initiated to assist those who has failed prey to fraudulent business / communications in different categories , Inheritance, Contracts, Lottery, Romance Scam, Diplomatic Payment, Fraudulent Loan Transactions, Unsuccessful Investment transactions, bitcoin fraud , 

Those who has also failed victim of BEC Scams also known as Wire transactions, Mass project assisted fund was approved to settle failed business/scam, you are qualified to receive this approved investment funds as long as you have receive fraudulent proposal before, many people have suffered untold lost/hardship in the hands of those unscrupulous elements and evil-minded people operating all kinds of fraud/scam just to make a dirty living and misery out of innocent souls. you are entitled to receive this scam compensation funds as long as you have received a scam /fraudulent message through whichever way.

NB: You will receive further shocking clarification upon your positive response to this message and also those their business was affected by Covid-19 pandemic.

Your response is highly imminent.
Mr. James Schofield
Consultant agent (FIMS)   

I failed to receive further shocking clarification due to my less than positive response:

Yes, I can see that you and yours have approved a scam template intended to accomplish what none of your peers have so far managed.  Unfortunately, either you, your peers, or the both of you collectively, have failed to adequately proofread and vet this template for tell-tale flaws that expose it to cynical skeptism.  You may wish to re-examine your template to see what you've done here, and fix it before going forward, backward, or any direction of choice.   

No follow up suggests they chose backward.

Next:

From Office Of The Fund Actualization Committee
     (OFAC) U.S Treasury Department's
      1500 Pennsylvania Avenue,
    NWWashington, DC 20220 USA

Reply Now To Know You Receive This Mr. Jack Ewehoff,

What you thought is impossible is now clear possible because it has
been verified by the Government and Financial Authorities of the
State. We however wish to let you to know that for sure you will
receive your total fund with out any further delaying at all.

Already, your total fund has converted into the ATM Master Card, this
is to make it more easier for you to receive it with out any blocking
by any one including any office or whatever.

You have to try very harder to get this only sum of the $100 and rush
to a nearby store to buy a single i Tune or a Steam Wallet sum of the
$100 and send because this is the only required fee you are to pay
that you are to pay.

Note that your total fund in the ATM Master Card is now ready and once
the confirmation of the payment is made, it will bring to you and hand
over to you.

You Can CALL Or SMS Us Now On Phone(813)886-9029 however, we stand
with equity fairness and honest with you to receive your fund within
48hours. Kindly reply back to us now!

   Thanks
Mrs. Alice Abraham
U.S Treasury Department's
1500 Pennsylvania Avenue,
NW Washington, DC 20220 USA
E-Mail; corporateafirmheadquarters@gmail.com   

"What you thought is impossible is now clear possible"...*snort*

What I thought was impossible?  A chinese burrito.  As numerous episodes of South Park, I still do.  I never thought receiving an email like this from the likes of you to be impossible.  I get them often.

I leave to you to decide what's impossible, what's impossumbull, and the significant similarity differences therein.  Restrictions apply.

Perhaps the chinese burrito was enough to throw them off.  Nothing further from them.

Next:

Compliment of the day,
From the desk of Dr. Zongo Alex,

I am the Bill and Exchange assistant Manager in Bank of Africa
Ouagadougou Burkina Faso. In my department I discovered an abandoned
sum of eighteen million three hundred thousand United State of
American dollars (18.3MILLION USA DOLLARS) in an account that belongs
to one of our foreign customer (late MR SHITU NURI) who died in
Ethiopian Airlines Flight 409 that crashed into the Mediterranean Sea
on 25th January 2010.

Since I got information about his death I have been expecting his next
of kin to come over and claim his money because we cannot release it
unless somebody applies for it as the next of kin or relative to the
deceased as indicated in our banking guidelines, unfortunately I
learnt that all his supposed next of kin died alongside with him in
the plane crash leaving nobody behind for the claim.

It is therefore upon this discovery that I decided to make this
business proposal to you and release the money to you as next of kin
to the deceased for safety and subsequent disbursement since nobody is
coming for the fund, it is 11 years now the money is lying pending in
the account of our deceased and I don't want the money to go into the
bank treasury account as unclaimed fund. You will be entitled with 40%
of the total sum, while 60% will be for me after which I will visit
your Country to invest my own share when the fund is successfully been
transferred into your Bank account,

Please I would like you to keep this transaction confidential and as a
top secret between me and you until we successfully achieve this
golden opportunity.   

Talking desks always amuse me:

So....you're so stupid, you let your desk compose and send emails like this on your behalf?

You should have chosen a smarter desk.  And or your desk should have chosen a smarter

person to be sitting at it.  Just sayin'.   

Nothing more from that scammer.

Next:

The briefcase containing your $5.5 million will arrive alongside with
the key to open it, your beneficiary fund is $5.5 million from Federal
Beneficiary Fund (FBF) Am

Diplomat Paul Ragu contacting you from US treasury department, do
contact me back for confirmation of your fund and delivery updates on
(officefiles032@gmail.com)

text(+1)7792013446)
Diplomat Paul Ragu     

Never did have much time for emailers named after spagetti sauce:

The knight in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade -- a lie in and of itself as another sequel followed -- summed it up best when referring to your chosen name for this ploy:  Ragu.  Stuff your briefcase with that, Plunger Lips. 

And yet another *cricket chirping* reply.

Finally, this one titled "Good NEWS":

You have been a lucky winner of $8.5MILLION from western union west
Africa continent as value custom who use western union transfer to
money from one country and another. Right now your first payment of
$5000 Is about to send today through western union money transfer You
are advice to Contact Mr Peter Charles with your full
information.such as

Your name......
Your country.....
Your phone number..
Your adders......

To Enable him send your First Payment of $5000 today.For more
information conta1ct Mr Peter Charles. Telephone number: +229 96739198.
Email ( wunion1771@gmail.com ) he will keep sending your payment until
your total fund is Completed $8.5MILLION.usd

Meh:

That's nice.  Someone like YOU would consider me lucky to receive an email like this from wu west Africa.  My pet rocks are not so impressed about it as you put on to be; in fact, they are highly dubious about the credibility here.  Your dubious antecedence doesn't help their pointed skeptism much, either.  Please convey to your handlers at your fly-infested internet cafe that they need much work on their template of choice, and any future ones employed.  This rather reminded me of high-jumping into a porcupine nursery.   

The silence that followed suggests to me that they're taking some portion of my suggestion to heart.  Or another part of their anatomy.

At any rate, there's one way of many to derail scams in short order.  Besides simply hitting *delete*, which my pet rocks wouldn't find near as amusing.