The Mongorians At South Park's Walls Again

Scammers for the most part are clueless about the badly-animated show South Park on Comedy Central.  Trey Parker and Matt Stone have been wreaking havoc there for years.

That's what the following scammer is about to find out:

Dear Friend,

 

I know this is not an expected email that you hope to receive every day but with my current state of health, I have no option than to contact you to carry out this mission on my behalf.

I am Ms. Mary Beckham, a British Citizen and married to Dr.Frank Beckham, who worked with the Iraq National Oil Company (INOC) for twenty-three years before he died on  August 2014, we were married for thirty-seven years without any children.

 

Before his death, we were both devoted to helping others. Since his death, I decided not to re-marry. When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum USD$10.5 Million U.S. Dollars) with a finance outfit and presently, this money is still with them and the management just wrote me as the beneficiary to come forward to receive the money or rather issue a letter of authorization to somebody to receive it on my behalf if I can not come over.

 

Presently, I’m in the hospital where I have been undergoing treatment for cancer of the lungs. I have since lost my ability to talk and my doctors have told me that I have a few months to live due to the state of the illness and It is my last wish to see that this money is invested wisely and at the end of every year funds are distributed among charity organization.

I want a reliable and honest individual/company that will use this money to reach to the motherless,  less-privileges, orphanages, cancer research centers, and widows propagating the word and the sick that has nobody to take care of them hence If you are willing and honest enough to do my wishes.

 

As soon as I receive your reply, I shall give you the details on how you will claim this funds from where it is currently held so that you can immediately transfer the funds to your personal account via bank telegraphic wire transfer.

 

I will also issue a letter of authority that will empower you as the new beneficiary of the funds hence please assure me that you will act accordingly as stated herein.

 

I hope to hear from you soonest, and all email should be forwarded to my private email : G-Manager2016@yandex.com

 

Remain Blessed,

 

Ms.Mary Beckham  

 

 

I guess this Beckham has turned to online scams, not being related to the soccer Beckhams.  Well, my pet rock, Seymour, could care less about this scammer's claimed plight.  He's more interested in what he believes Parker and Stone would do to her in a South Park episode:

 

 

From: G-Manager2016@yandex.com

Sent: Thursday, September 19, 2019 11:03 PM
To: bunghole101@hotmail.com
Subject: THIS WAS IMPORTANT A NUMBER OF YEARS AGO...NOW..MEH

Dear Friend,

 I know this is not an expected email that you hope to receive every day but with my current state of animation, I have no option than to contact you to carry out this mission respecting my authoritah.  I am Eric Cartman, an underage citizen of the oft-trashed Colorado town of South Park.

 

  Together with my friends Stan, the Jew Kyle and Kenny who died more than t-shirts in the psychedelic era, I have been an elementary student in a school run by badly-drawed loons for over 20 years.  Even though I am world-famous for telling everyone "screw you guys...I'm going home", I tend to stick around because you just never know when the creators will allow me another episode at Casa Bonita, where I can cliff dive and gorge on sopapillas until I projectile vomit.    

 

Before Kenny's last death at the hands of some bastards or another, only Kyle and Stan were both devoted to helping others. Me, I'm all into helping myself, as I did in the Tourette Syndrome episode.  Since Wendy punched me out, I decided not to marry, being a perpetual fourth grader. When my late father was alive he ran away and joined a punk emu band called Angry Boids and performed at all the Aids concerts that accomplished hella nothing but were well-attended by equally badly-drawd hippies. 

 

Presently, I’m in the hospital where I have been undergoing treatment for paper cuts to my butt caused by a paper rainbow crawling up my pant leg and biting my asshole.  I hate friggin' rainbows.  I haven't since lost my ability to walk crap or crawl, but I do miss my Cheesy Poofs and the Scientology episode wherein I was briefly John Smith along with everyone else.  Being the practical jokesters that they are, our creators have told me that I have a few months to live due to the state of Comedy Central and It is my last wish to see AlGore's man-bear-pig (aka, Joe Bidumb) not win anything that would allow him to grope my Mom or sisterly siblings without he pay substantial recompense that I can use to buy whatever's trendy at the video store.  I hear that the black web video Taylor Swift Does Inflatable Zazbots In Newark is all the rage in Azerbaijan right now.  If I paid attention in school to my gender-fluid teacher the unpronounable Garrison, I'd know where that is.

 

I want a reliable and honest individual/company that will kiss my big-boned ass; all I'm seeking are morons to reply to this.  Morons I can manipulate into all sorts of doing lots of stupid.  Y'know, like Butters.  Him I can convince to do about anything.

Are you an aimless, directionless snowflake that gets triggered easy, screams into microphones all the latest leftist talking points and needs therapy because some Hollywood nincompoops told you that they did?  If you is th'yah when I'm h'yah, I need your goat-smelling egg-sucking ass h'yah soonest for an upcoming episode where my creators make fun of motherless,  less-privileges, orphanages, cancer research centers, and widows propagating the word and the sick that has nobody to take care of them.  And of course Scientologists.  I haven't been John Smith in a while now.  

 

 As soon as I receive your reply, I shall give you the details on how you will be used to kill Kenny and become a bastard yourself from where it is currently held in animation abstinence so long as papered pedophiles aren't nearby, trying to feel up me and my classmates. 

I will also issue a letter of authoritah that will empower you as the new Chief of Police in South Park, so you can for yourself see how utterly useless Officer Barbrady is when pursuing chicken backside pluckers that ride around in library vans full of emu porn.  Please....PUH-LEEZE...assure me that you will act accordingly as stated herein. 

 

I hope to hear from you soonest, and all email should be forwarded to my primate's email : G-Manager2016@yandex.com  As long as he's receiving any, he won't totally destroy the laptop. 

Remain accursed with genital warts on your face, 

Eric Cartman, animated resident of animated South Park, CO, rated right behind Shotcago, Deadtroit, San Crapcisco and other leftard bastions of Third World results as the most destroyed city, episode per episode, in the history of Comedy Central.

As I suspected, Ms Beckham didn't figure she had any useful way forward with this edit.  Seymour was disappointed.

 

"Was NOT!  PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!"