A Medium Xtra Large Psychic FAIL

Scammers are ever 'where.

They've even reached into the psychic realm. 

Of course, one call to Ms Cleo would have proven that to anyone 30 years ago.

But my character didn't have to go into antiquity for a psychic medium xtra-large with a side of fries....just to his email:

Your Shocking 2019 Horoscope Now is the perfect time to look! Knowing your horoscope makes it a breeze to coordinate plans, conduct your business, and strategize your day to day. Reveal Yours Here

This offer requires paid participation within the Advertiser's rewards program, details apply - see landing page disclaimers This rewards program is not endorsed, sponsored by or affiliated with any merchants listed above. Registered trademarks are the property of their respective owners. This ad is sent by a third-party on behalf of the advertiser. All promotional fulfillment is the sole responsibility of the owner of the program. Please refer to the ″program requirements″ listed on the offer′s registration page for further details. My pet rock, Seymour, wanted me to click the accompanying link and spend who-knows-what to find out who's going to win the Super Bowl Commercials in 2025. I convinced him that this particular email would not produce those results. But I did let Seymour have a go at editing the email...had it been sent by a real psychic, it would never have been sent 'cuz they'd a knowd what Seymour was gonna do to it: Subject: Here are the questions that fit the answers to the questions I asked my eight ball between shakes   ✨ 🔮 ✨ Your Shocking, Revolting, Pathetic, Hedonistic, Wholly Manufactured by CNN's Fake News/Psychics 2019 Horrorscope Now is the perfect time to decide to change your name, sex, and hide on an island on one of the moons of Uranus! Knowing your horrorscope makes it a hurricane breeze to practice feigning insanity, barking at hubcaps, chasing parked cars, stealing candy from pit bulls, coordinate exploding diapers in a Spencer's Gift Shop factory, conduct yourself in a totally disreputable manure, and strategize your day to day as effectively as Joe Bidumb's team is managing his gaffes. Terms and conditions would apply if we'd come up with any.  Oops. Hate when that happens.  Getting staked to an army ant hill over this 'un, shore 'nuff. If you've never tried a medium-xtra large psychic Go Fish card reader before now, it's not too late to drop this email and run screaming from the computer. Amazon drones with MIRV* capacity are hovering nearby waiting for your coordinates to either deliver you something good or blow the peewads out of your stuffed weasel collection. *Multiple Independent Re-entry Vehicle thingees...means they can attack you and everyone that looks like you at the same time. There used to be an unsubscribe thingee h'yar, but ah pushed da wrong button and it went phfffffft like a pet rock phart.  Conditions apply with those too...most are unspeakable, especially in elevators. Your results will vary. What came as no surprise to me, the emailing psychic didn't choose to follow up with Seymour's edit.   But Seymour was disappointed...he wanted to know if he was going to meet the geologic love of his life and get hisself a third marriage so he could get hisself a third divorce.   "Did NOT!!!  PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!"   ...a real psychic would have seen THAT response coming, too...