Something Gong Wrong

They may have even heard about this in Burundi, but I digress.

Lots of scammers out there assume that my character is dead.  Or think that the scam template that says "are you dead or alive?" is somehow productive.

If they hope my character is dead, they're obviously democraps:  vote harvesting in cemeteries is a purely democrap thing.

At any rate, here's the latest effort to find out if my character is daid or not:


Oh sad news u are Dead regarding ur 25,9Musd/Made Mrs. Rosemary STUART Beneficiary Or Liar

Attn:Dear Esteemed customer,

This is official notice to you that your (CONSIGNMENT OF 25,9MILLION USD) which was sent for over one month now was returned. I know that you have been waiting for the arrival of your ATM CARD since, it is unfortunate that it was returned this week due to wrong address which was provide by your representative (Mrs Rosemary STUART BLUM). And the same Man came again and trying to make us believe that you are dead and even explained that you entered into an agreement with him, to help you in receiving your (CONSIGNMENT). So did you sign any Deed of Assignment in favor of (Mrs Rosemary STUART BLUM) thereby making him the current beneficiary,In view of this development, you are requested to confirm to us if you are alive and also furnish us with your full Information,

YOUR FULL NAME ____
YOUR ADDRESS____
YOUR AGE______
YOUR CITY_______
YOUR COUNTRY_____
YOUR CURRENT OCCUPATION___
YOUR HOME PHONE_______
YOUR CELL PHONE_____
YOUR GENDER_______
A COPY OF YOUR IDENTIFICATION _____ to enable us deliver this CONSIGNMENT to your door step:Meanwhile,be rest assured that upon receipt of the above information  we will proceed in delivering your (CONSIGNMENT) And for security reason endeavor to indicate this CODE N° (PACIFIC COURIER-BJ/XXL14160) this code shows that you are the rightful owner of the box.

Respectfully submitted,

Director General  Rev.Dr Ijemaka Godwin
Pacific Courier Services
Cell Number+ 234-701-511-9133
Reply to this Email g_courier_1965@live.com   


My character is decidedly quite alive; but he deferred to my 'editing gone wild' pet rock Seymour, who was only too happy to have a go at this email so desperately in need of edit: 


From: Pacific Courier <pcourier0@gmail.com>
Sent: Friday, September 6, 2019 8:34 AM
Subject: Oh sad news they took The Gong Show off syndication in Burundi

 

Attn:

This is official notice to you that your subscription to The Gong Show on Burundi 24/7 cable has been cancelled.

 

The reason for this is quite simple:  Burundi has no cable soivice.  They're lucky if they have running water.

 

I know that you have been waiting for the resumption of The Gong Show on Burundi 24/7 (The unofficial "you gots you gots you gots what we eat!" channel from Burundi to Botswana); it is unfortunate that it was closed down this week due to the realization that it was being aired from Liechtenstein and that none of us in Burundi could understand one word in Liechtensteinian that was being said.

On top of that...as many men have been...the local hooker Mrs Rosemary STUART BLUM has had to close up shop and go on a lengthy sabbatical for medical treatment for a fallen vagina and facial genital warts.  Meantime, what you missed on the cancelled Gong Show:  the same Man came again and trying to make us believe that you are dead and even explained that you entered into an agreement with him, to help you in receiving a consignment of four slice toaster zazbots from Uranus that were pirated off the Somali coast from a Nigerian freighter and wound up in a pawn shop in Newark.

 So did you sign any Agreement Betwixt Dunderheads in favor of Mrs Rosemary STUART BLUM genital replacement therapy thereby making him the current beneficiary?  Please respond in two hundred words or less in Azerbaijani as to why you did what you did what you did, and we'll thank you. 

,In view of this and other peculiar developments with black market pet rocks, you are requested to confirm to us if you are still interested in receiving The Gong Show on the Burundi 24/7 fake news channel, by cnn, and also furnish us with your full Information,

YOUR FULL NAME ____
YOUR ADDRESS____
YOUR AGE______
YOUR CITY_______
YOUR COUNTRY_____
YOUR CURRENT OCCUPATION___
YOUR HOME PHONE_______
YOUR CELL PHONE_____
YOUR GENDER (we only recognize 2, so if you're one of the 55 mental disorders, see a therapist)_______

Screw you guys, I'm going home,

Director General  Rev.Dr Eric Cartman
Pacific Courier Services
Cell Number+ 234-701-511-9133
Reply to this Email g_courier_1965@live.com   

The originating scammer found no ray of light if he/she/it was able to decipher this edit.  One previous scammer who receives these edits did reply with another question:

WHY ARE YOU DO THIS?

You'll have to ask Burundi; it was their 24/7 cable channel. 

Perhaps he is...