Skunkfeathers: She's In The Army...Not

A popular template among scammers is to portray themselves as a member of the US Military, serving overseas. They manage this with names and pictures picked up off the 'web from real people.

Like this one.

This is how my character came to know -- albeit briefly -- Sgt. Alissa George:

Hi May the peace of the lord be with you,

My name is Alissa George form united state of America Illinois i am a Sergeant First Class (E-7) 10 years in the military as Global Combat Support System (GCSS) tactical logistics of the US military currently in Afghanistan now, We don’t know each other but it would be great to get to know you ,kindly permit my contacting you through this medium I am compelled to contact you via this medium for obvious reasons which you will understand , do not be afraid in replying my mail for i have a very important and confidential matter that i want to discuss with you, i am still working in Afghanistan for the sake of the crisis in Afghanistan. and you ?

However, i really want to establish a true relationship that may lead into a business partner or something else.

Certainly, This is to bring to your notice, here in the military zone we are not allow to make use of mobile phone, we only make use of radio message and email communication, Now, i have fully made up my mind to go into business partnership with you, as i don't know how long we are to remain in the war zone.

My dear, i want you to know that we are being attacked by insurgents every day and car bombs.

During one of our rescue mission we came across a safe box that contain huge amount of money that belongs to the revolutionaries, which I believe they use it in buying weapons and ammunition's, and it was agreed by all parties in present that the money will be shared among us.

Out of the total fund my share was US$ 4.5 Million.

I am seeking your assistance to evacuate my share of the money, which is US$ 4.5 Million out of here to you; in as much as you can assure me that my own share will be safe in your care until I complete my service here. This is not stolen money, and there are no dangers involved.

My dear, I have made solid arrangements with a UNITED NATION DIPLOMAT who promised to deliver the fund to any of my choosing destination.

I shall be compensating you with 20% of the total fund on final conclusion of this project, while the rest balance shall be my investment capital in your country or elsewhere.

One passionate appeal I will make to you is not to discuss this matter to a third party, if you have reasons to reject this offer, please destroy this e-mail to avoid any leakage of this information and it will be dangerous to me based on my position here.

I have chosen to contact you after my prayers and I believe that you will not betray my trust nor thwart my dream.
Though you may wonder why I am so soon revealing myself to you without formal introduction, well, I will say that my mind convinced me that you are the true person to help me receive and invest the fund.

Note: I do not know how long we gonna remain here and my fate since I have survived two bomb attack here, which prompted me to search out for a reliable and trust worthy person to help me receive and invest the fund in his country, because I will be migrating to your home to invest and start a new life not as a soldier anymore.

Conclusively, i wish you could send me a reply immediately in regards to this proposal.
Your urgent reply will be highly appreciated.

I hope my explanation is very clear but if you need further clarification, and then send your questions.

Best regard.

Sgt Alissa George

Yup. That's how Sgt Alissa George introduced herself to my character. And she added this for bona fides:

Pretty convincing, eh? Well...my character wasn't all that impressed, at least initially:

And your point is?

'Her' point was to re-send me the original email. Woid for woid. And add these two pictures for further bona fides:

...and...

That convinced my character to reply:

You're from the united state of America Illinois? Not sure where that is. I'll google earth it and get back to you.

After a couple days, the Sarge wasn't willing to wait:

My beloved one,

Good day to you and how is your health today, i hope you are healthy and fine?

I want to say thanks to you for making out time to write to me again, the content of your letter are well understood, i do not want you to see this business as some thing that will bring problem to you, but i want you to trust and believe me when i say that there is nothing to worry about in this deal, honestly i have made every necessary arrangement that will lead to safe delivery of the cash box to you without any form of problem nor risk, all the necessary arrangement that will lead to safe delivery of the cash box to you without any form of problem nor risk have already been made.

Am a woman that does things in accordance to the directives of my spirit, i chose you to be my partner and also help me in receiving this cash box because my spirit has been bearing me witness that you are the rightful person for me and i know you will not disappoint me, i chose to use you as partner in this deal because am not permitted to send package down to any of my friends nor relatives since am still in the military camp in Afghanistan, if i eventually send out any thing to the USA it will be suspicious and i will be query for the action, so i chose you because i know you are the ideal person for this deal as foreigner who is not a Afghanistan citizen.

I promise you you will not regret been part of this matter, i do not know what else i can say to convince you and make you to believe me, but i pray that God will give you the grace to make up your mind

One more time i want to let you know that there is no complication on this matter, if you follow my instruction every thing will go smooth and well in the process of receiving the cash box, Please try and keep this matter between you and i, because if you and i should agree on one thing with our heart with seriousness then we must surely achieve success at the end I have chosen to contact you after my prayers and I believe that you will not betray my trust nor thwart my dream, though you may wonder why I am so soon revealing myself to you without formal introduction, well, I will say that my mind convinced me that you are the true person to help me in receiving and investing this Fund.
Please i want to remind you once again that every arrangement towards this project is intact between both of us and on no account should you let the ''Oliver Security Company Services'' to know the content of the box, remember that the consignment was registered as diplomatic package to the security company and that is what they believe to be in the box, so you should not let them know that the content of the box is money.

Please i will like you to send your contact information to me so that i can forward to the security company to enable them proceed to your country for the final delivery of the cash box to your door step

Send your below information to me urgently;

1. home address.........
2. Your private telephone number........
3. Nationality.................
4. Age..............................
5. Occupation........................
6. Identity card (passport, driver's license or International)............

Once am through here with my official assignment i will come over to meet you one on one in your country and after that we shall decide on how to carry on with our life, but for now please i will appreciate us to be more focus on this issue of you receiving the cash box and safe keeping it on my behalf till i come over then i will handle the depositing of the money in the bank by myself.
I await your immediate response
Love and care from,
Sgt Alissa

Awww...she sends her 'love and care'. That almost made my pet rock, Seymour, tear up.

"Did NOT!!! PHFFFFFFFFFFT!!!"

So we continue with our repartee:

I didn't find the united state of America Illinois on my Gooble search. Where exactly is that?

At least 'she' reads some of what my character writes:

Illinois is a Midwestern state bordering Indiana in the east and the Mississippi River in the west. Nicknamed "the Prairie State," it's marked by farmland, forests, rolling hills and wetlands. Chicago, one of the largest cities in the U.S, is in the northeast on the shores of Lake Michigan. It’s famous for its skyscrapers, such as sleek, 1,451-ft. Willis Tower and the neo-Gothic Tribune Tower.

At least she sorta knows how to google when the need arises. So my character tests that further:

You left out that Chicago has more shootings annually than Syria, Afghanistan or Iraq.

Whatever else the 'Sarge' is, 'she' is a good little blind-eyed liberal in her reply:

Good day to you and how is your health today, i hope you are healthy and fine?
I want to say thanks to you for making out time to write to me again, the content of your letter are well understood, i do not want you to see this business as some thing that will bring problem to you, but i want you to trust and believe me when i say that there is nothing to worry about in this deal, honestly i have made every necessary arrangement that will lead to safe delivery of the cash box to you without any form of problem nor risk, all the necessary arrangement that will lead to safe delivery of the cash box to you without any form of problem nor risk have already been made.

Am a woman that does things in accordance to the directives of my spirit, i chose you to be my partner and also help me in receiving this cash box because my spirit has been bearing me witness that you are the rightful person for me and i know you will not disappoint me, i chose to use you as partner in this deal because am not permitted to send package down to any of my friends nor relatives since am still in the military camp in Afghanistan, if i eventually send out any thing to the USA it will be suspicious and i will be query for the action, so i chose you because i know you are the ideal person for this deal as foreigner who is not a Afghanistan citizen.

I promise you you will not regret been part of this matter, i do not know what else i can say to convince you and make you to believe me, but i pray that God will give you the grace to make up your mind

One more time i want to let you know that there is no complication on this matter, if you follow my instruction every thing will go smooth and well in the process of receiving the cash box, Please try and keep this matter between you and i, because if you and i should agree on one thing with our heart with seriousness then we must surely achieve success at the end I have chosen to contact you after my prayers and I believe that you will not betray my trust nor thwart my dream, though you may wonder why I am so soon revealing myself to you without formal introduction, well, I will say that my mind convinced me that you are the true person to help me in receiving and investing this Fund.

Please i want to remind you once again that every arrangement towards this project is intact between both of us and on no account should you let the ''Oliver Security Company Services'' to know the content of the box, remember that the consignment was registered as diplomatic package to the security company and that is what they believe to be in the box, so you should not let them know that the content of the box is money.

Okay, so 'Sarge' isn't going to admit that Shotcago is more dangerous than Afghanistan. Fine. Let's try something else in reply:

You left out if it tastes great or is less filling.

For those who saw the advertising campaigns for Miller Lite in the latter part of the 20th Century, the reference is obvious. My scammer -- 'Sarge' -- apparently isn't from that knowledge base:

What do you mean?

So my character tries something of an explanation:

It's an Americal point of reference i dun figured a soldier of the US Army from the united state of Illinois would understand. You did, didn't ya?

'Sarge' doesn't see the relevance:

how does this help our business? What I need from you now is to follow my instructs and to do so soonest as time is not on our side.

Time can be on our side, with pocket watches. Heck, even with a cell phone carrier on your belt. You DO hear me now, right?

What? Pls follow my instructs so that we can complete this transaction. It is important to me, pls.

Of that last, I am very certain. So certain that if you try our service for 30 days and are not completely satisfied, we'll refund the difference between x and y at almost no additional fee.

are you going to help me or not beloved?

"Beloved"?

Guarantees like that I just gave you ARE helping you. Looking for love in all the wrong places? Looking for love in too many faces? Searching for eyes...looking for places...of what..you're...dreaming of. But it's all...in the game. Do-wop..do-wop..do-wop. And that was not a slam on Italians or their dressing, so don't report me to the IG, EEOC or WTF.

why will you not help me?

If you'd seen the Bud Light commercial of the snowy-night romantic scene in the sleigh with the beer, the candle and the farting horse, you could answer that question in every language knowd to Man, and a few that probably aren't.