Peas Be With You

Cows are great for exhibitionists.  They make for an attentive audience.  One that doesn't laugh for udderly nothing.

Which brings me to wonder why scammers don't send their scams to cows. 

Perhaps I'll ask one.

Meantime, here's another dying inheritant that started with my character by saying "Peace be with you":


 Peace be with you,

How are you doing today? i hope the good mercy of God is upon you and your lovely family. I know this message might look strange or surprise to you, but please do not disregard this message because i come in peace, with the help of God our father who directed me to you.

I am Miss. Donna Brown, I got your contact on my personal search on a reliable trustworthy person to will my fund to, and you were reviewed to me by the spirit of God. Base on that, i have willed the only fund left in my account to you as i was directed by God, Please, all i want you to do is to use my fund for a charity organization orphanage home for the lesser privilege in your home country.

secondly, if you want to know more details of why I have willed the only funds left in my account to you, please do reply me and i will explain more in details to you, I also need you to keep me in your prayers because right now I am in the hospital taking treatment for my strange illness.

My beloved  one, I want you to understand that this is genuine, as you might think, and bear this in your mind that if I should decieve you or any one today, it will definitely turn against me, if not now definitely in the future to come, because it is said that what goes around comes around. I am a dedicated Christian and I do know the implication of such acts. May the lord bless you as you reach me.

This is my private E-mail:  Missdonnabro41@outlook.com

Thanks as I await your immediate responses.  

My pet rock, Seymour, immediately *TOING*ed at that.  He HATES peas.  He thinks that they are a creation of the devil, to make for nasty projectile vomiting in horror movies.

So he had no problem with tweaking this email scam accordingly:


 From: Missdonna Brown <benjaminosigwe@gmail.com>
Sent: Thursday, September 26, 2019 2:44 AM
Subject: Peas be with you because I won't eat them

Yuk.  Peas.  Did you know that it has been scientifically proven that anyone who has ever eaten peas, dies?  It's in the AMA Journal under Myths of Perpetual Life. 

How are you doing today? i hope the good mercy of having avoided eating peas is upon you and your family. Otherwise you're all dead. 

I know this message might look strange or surprise to you, but please do not disregard this message because i come to warn you about peas, with the help of a Coke bottle and a goat head baphomet who directed me to you.

I am Miss. Donna Brown, I got your contact during my personal search for an abject dolt that may or may not have heard and heeded the warning on eating peas.  Ho ho ho.  Eat them peas.  When a laughing green giant is telling you to 'eat them peas' and laughing while doing so....you best grab some KFC and run.  Base on that, i have contacted you as i was directed by the Coke bottle and goat head baphomet, to see that you avoid eating peas.  Don't eat them peas.  Not even when they are mixed with corn.  That's porn.  Right here in River City.  That ends with c and rhymes with p and it stands for peas.  God, please, all things deified falsely under door mats, don't eat them peas.

Please, all i want you to do is eat chikin, just like the cowz sez in your home country.

Secondly, if you want to know more details of why I have gone out on a limb to warn you about peas, please do reply me and i will be more surprised to see what this email sez than you were to receive it. I also need you to keep me in your prayers because right now I am experiencing a vaginal yeast infection after trying to incubate a loaf of bread in my genital cavity.  Yowza.  What a strange illness.

I want you to assume that this is genuine, as you might think "she just wants my peas", and bear this in your mind that if I should decieve you or any one today, it will definitely turn against me, if not now definitely in the future to come, because it is said that what goes around comes around. I am a democrap socialist and could care less about the implication of such acts.  Crapazoid, I wasn't supposed to write that.

This is my primate's E-mail:  Missdonnabro41@outlook.com
Yes, I have a primate.  He handles all my email.  Badly.  He's not much better with the devices.
Thanks as I await your immediate responses. 

 

 

The scammer had no immediate replies, and may perhaps have even gone on a pea pogrom as a result of this email.

 

Linda Blair is reportedly pissed that she didn't get this memo forty or so years ago...