Some Assembly Required Indeed

Feces is about to get real here.

Or not.

Once again, my character gets another rather tired email scam from the "United Nation".  My character would be a billionaire approaching Warren Buffett's net worth by now if all these emails were real.

Meh:


UNITED NATION OFFICE
Wednesday 8th/5/2019
UNITED NATIONS (U.N) PLAZA 761, NEW YORK (N.Y) 04221 USA
E-MAIL: (unitednationbn_benin@yahoo.co.id)http://www.un.org/sg


ATTENTION: BENEFICIARY,

We write to inform you that it have been authorized by the international community in conjunction with the World Bank to investigate the unnecessary delay of your Outstanding Contract/Inheritance Payment.

We have also been empowered to recommend and approve your Fund for payment if certified as genuine. During the course of our investigation, we discovered with dismay that your payment has been unnecessarily delayed by some corrupt officials of the Bank who are trying to divert your Fund into their Private Accounts.

To forestall this, security for your Funds has been organized and for the safety of your funds we have been specifically advised to release this payment to you either by Telegraphic Transfer into your Designated Account, by a Certified Bank Draft or through special Cash
Delivery/ATM CARD/ONLINE TRANSFER.

The United Nation have agreed with the World Bank that we will release this payment of (US$10.5 Million) to you Via the United Nations Accredited Bank to avoid the hopeless situation created by Officials of the Previous Bank.

Also remember that all you will ever have to spend is $100.00 USD only. nothing more! Nothing less! And we Guarantee the receipt of your Fund to be successfully release to you because, everything has been taken care of, including Taxes papers, Clearance and insurance.

You are advised to send the $100 fee though Steam Wallet or Google play card Only for immediately release of your fund

You are advised to furnish your information and let us know how you wish to receive your Approved Fund so that we can release your fund to you immediately.

Be advised that this is the only delay we have now and you must do what you can to comply with the fee so that we can get this done. we are so sure of everything and we are giving you a 100% Money back Guarantee if you do not receive your payment within the next 48hrs.

CONGRATULATIONS!

Mr.Antonio Guterres
Secretary-General
UNITED NATION (U.N) OFFICE NEW YORK CITY USA  


My pet rock, Seymour, was bored...so I let him have the pleasure of the edited reply:

UNITED NATION (U.N) GENITAL ASSEMBLY NEW YORK CITY USA
Wednesday 8th/5/2019
UNITED NATION (U.N) PLAZA 761, NEW YORK (N.Y) 04221 USA
E-MAIL: (unitednationbn_benin@yahoo.co.id)

ATTENTION: BENEFICERARY OF GENITAL ASSEMBLY,

We write to inform you that it have been authorized by the international community in conjunction with the World Genital Bank to investigate the possibility of your gender switching surgery using genital assembly parts manufactured in Benin.

We have also been empowered to recommend and approve the use of only the finest bamboo and cucumber exteriors for the genital assemblies that we will certify as genuine. During the course of our investigation, we discovered with dismay that substituting piranha genitals has been unnecessarily tried resulted in all sorts of unintended consequences, including the creation of a whole designation of gender neutrals after the replacement parts ate other parts, causing the need for new gender neutral designations.

To forestall this, we of the UN Genital Assembly Line are hereby prohibiting the use of piranha genitals forthwith, and instituting a policy of only those genitals assembled with genuine bamboo and cucumber exteriors has been organized and for the safety of your results we have been specifically advised to release only genuine Benin genital replacement parts to you.  Further, we designate delivery either by Telegraphic Transfer, USPS, osmosis, pornosynthesis, or a specially-trained fleet of fruit bats from our exclusive Benin Air Courier Services UnLtd, any of which can and will deliver unto you your gender switching genital replacement parts at a nominal fee.

The United Nation have agreed that expanding the number of gender designations will open up all sorts of economic possibilities for the genital assembly line here in Benin, which is in other places a totally hopeless situation created by cnn and social jaundiced warriors.

Also remember that all you will ever have to spend is $100.00 USD only for these genuine genital assembly replacement parts and nothing more! The results will not be surprising whatsoever! And we Guarantee that if you are dissatisfied with your purchase and subsequent application of the genital assembly, you can't put the original back in operation so you may as well be satisfied.  

Everything unrelated has been taken care of, including clearance Clarence and roger over...huh?

You are advised to send the $100 fee through the courier fruit bats that deliver your genuine genital assembly parts, since they know the way home and they don't like shrieking people that freak out at their approach.

You are advised to furnish your information and let us know how you wish to receive your UN approved genital assembly replacement parts so that we can release your UN approved genital assembly replacement parts to you immediately.

Be advised that this is the only delay we have now and you must do what you can to comply with the fee so that we can get this done. We are so sure of everything and we are giving you a 100% No Refund Guarantee if you are not satisfied with any of this within the next 48hrs.

Mr.Antonio Guterres
Suckretary Genital
UNITED NATION (U.N) GENITAL ASSEMBLY NEW YORK CITY USA

..a parody unaffiliated with that real life parody, the Cortez broad in Congress  

 

 

Twitter wanted to ban this post, but it isn't posted there.  Nyah.