GASp

Who knew that the mere mention of cow farts after the advent of that Cortez broad and her "Green New Deal" could bring the campus-world to the edge of insanity with two trigger words:  cow farts.


Pretty much anyone that sees how abjectly stupid campuses have become today.  But I digress.

This is about a scammer, who had no way of seeing how cow farts were going to end more than just the Earth in 12 years; it was going to end his template considerably sooner.

Here's how he started:


Norfolk International Airport2200 Norview Ave, Norfolk, VA 23518 Virginia, United States of America
Date: 22/04/2019.


Re: Expected Delivery on.

A shipment relating to you was withheld due to an undisclosed sum of money in the trunk-cases. Actually, the content was not properly declared by the correspondence as CASH rather it was declared as hardware power tools to avoid Interrogation.  The consignment has been taken into custody by the airport authorities while the enclosed detail of the consignment with your detail and the official documents from the United States Treasury from the Homeland Security Department related to you was tagged on the package.

My name is Arnold Barnes, I work with the Norfolk International Airport, Virginia as inspection personnel. I discovered your shipment at the airport warehouse. I advise you to quickly furnish me with your name, home, and mobile phone numbers as well as your address, to enable me to cross-check if it corresponds with the address on the official documents. After which you will confirm to me the name of the nearest airport around you to help me locate you when bringing the shipment to you. Please note, this consignment was supposed to have been taken to the United  States Treasury Department as abandoned and unclaimed delivery but due to the period of time, the authorities mandated for the owner to come forward and claim the cargo the shipment has since been left abandoned. The reason I made up my mind, to contact you personally about this abandoned cargo was that I want us to transact this business and share the money 80% for you and 20% for me since the shipment has not yet been returned to the United States
reasury Department

I would appreciate you can work with me as your friend in helping you get your shipment to your home as I would personally deliver the package to asap. Trust me you cannot regret this deal.  You can quickly reach me on phone and my email ( barnes.arn@yandex.com ) for further discussion.

Thank you.

Arnold Barnes  
Norfolk International Airport
VA 23518, Virginia,United States  


Alas for him, the edit of his email went directions he never foresaw:

NorWhatTheFolk International Airport
2200 Norview Ave, Norfolk, VA 23518
Virginia, United States of America
Date: 22/04/2019.

Re: Expected Delivery of Automated Farting Cow Butts

A shipment purportedly related to you was withheld due what it contained and a protest about the contents from that Cortez broad from the 14th Congressional District in NYC.  She claims you'll destroy the environment and encourage real cows across the globe to defy her and moooo derisively at her at crimepaign stops in the coming months.  She cites that cows on the Comedy Central hit South Park are already acting defiant and disrespectful to her, and this is only the beginning of the vast moooo flank steak conspiracy against her to allow Amazon.com to build a hindquarters in NYC after all, filling the area with drones, jobs and happy constituents, none of which she can abide.

 

Actually, the contents was not properly declared by the shipper in the first place; it was represented as donations to the DNC but had to be disguised as hardware power tools to avoid causing Berkeley Antifans from self-fouling and going on another trash bin-torching binge.  The consignment has been taken into custody by constituents of Maxipad Waters, that loud-mouth and wholly deranged reptile from Kaliforlornia, who told her constituents it contained looted Cheetos and toilet paper from Burntimore a few years back, and was free for their looting.  However, the airport authorities were quicker to secure the trunks and now just await someone with money and the IQ of a dildo to send it to them, in exchange for the trunks.

 My name is Arnold Barnes, I play a port authority chief inspector on a cancelled A&E series, so I was asked to stand in on this deal since I had nothing better to do.  I discovered this shipment with your name crayoned onto the shipping label in Yoruba, at the airport warehouse. I advise Mr. Oxmyx to quickly furnish me with your name, home, and mobile phone numbers and GPS coordinates so I can have the Starship Enterprise beam all da udder bosses to h'eah so they can be informed dat da Federation is taking ovah.  One eyebrow from Spocko and it's coytins fer da bum what argues da point, got it sweethaht? 

Since hockey playoffs are in vogue just now, get me what I wants to enable me to cross-check the refrigerator into the kitchen cabinets just to get in the mood of da games.  After which you will confirm to me the name of the nearest constipated mathematician so's we can work it out with a pencil, since I heard that's how he does it.  Please note, this consignment was supposed to have been taken to the United  Arab Emirates as "reconstituted virgins" in an abandoned and unclaimed state of delivery, but due to the period of time, the authorities were caught masturbating and waiting for the owner to come; this whole untoward circumstance was filmed for a YouTube video to be released when Joe Bidumb starts fondling his way through the 2020 democrapic field of candydates, which goes along way to explaining why it has since been left abandoned.

The reason I made up my mind to try and make use of this peculiar template was that I had no others at hand and was at a loss what else to do, what with time short and my hair still in curlers.

 I would appreciate it if you can work with me as your newly-found friend in helping you get this template off the ground and successfully launched toward some kind of resolution.  Trust me you cannot regret this deal unless you enter it.  You can quickly reach me on phone and my email ( barnes.arn@yandex.com ) for further discussion.

Spank you.

Arnold Barnes
NorWhatTheFolk International Airport
VA 23518, Virginia,United States  

 

 

Funny how the scammer had nothing further to say after seeing this edit of his email.  Not even a 'thank you' for having vastly improved it...