Cramping In The Great Outbores

I used to love camping.  Years and many, many misadventures ago.

Now...meh.  Shade, an easy chair, and something cool to drink.

Yeah, I've grown candyass.

What brings this all up?  This email from a sarge in Korea:


Hi,

I wish to seek for your assistance in a deal that will be of mutual
benefit for the both of us from Camp Stanley, Stationed in Uijeongbu,
South Korea. Please get back to me for more info.

Thank you for your time.

Sgt.Joan Martinez  


Now, I have no idea what the details are here, such as what untold riches she's allegedly found and squirreled away, needing my help to get them stateside most likely.  I only know the endgame:  a fee that I wire, and whatever I'm promised, I don't get once I paid.  Like I was ever gonna get it in the first place.

Kinda pretty much knowing the endgame, I wasn't so interested in the particulates.  I'm sure the 'sarge' ain't a real one, and that 'she' probably ain't in Uijeongbu, South Korea.

So rather than seek details that were relatively meaningless, I simply laid it out to the 'sarge' this way:


I am not seeing how anything from Camp Stanley would benefit me here.

Especially in a place like Weejongbull or whatever it is.  If this has anything

to do with Saddam or Colonel Ghaddafi's purported loot, I'm sure you have

a heck of a story as to how it got from where it was to where you is.

One I'm sure that will eventually show up on an episode of South Park.

I once spent a year during a week in July at Camp Granada:  rain, ticks,

pterodactyls, dysentery, outhouses, Baby Ruths in pools, poison ivy,

painful rectal itch, mosquitoes, bears, roombas, campfire fart wars...it
was all so...so...so outdoorsy. 

You ever fall out of a tree getting firewood?  I have.  Or cross a river,
watching half the camping sh*t wash away?  Yawp, that too.

Talk to me about a fully-equipped RV camper at a fully-equipped KOA

facility, and perhaps we can mull a possumbility or two.  Otherwise,

contact Daniel Boone, Davy Crockett, Yule Gibbons or Jack Palance.

And whatever you do, stay off Clint Eastwood's lawn.

That was apparently enough to convince the 'sarge' to look elsewhere for hep.

Though, I thought the tip about staying off Eastwood's lawn was sound...