Uncredibility Abounds

Okay, so mebbe I didn't do this recently.  I might have if the props had been present.

Scammers pretending to be financial advisers.  Everyone wants to be Bernie Madoff.

He was well-named, but not well-played.

This one is neither:


Dear ***************@hotmail.com,

Please pardon me for this unsolicited communique.

I do have the trusteeship of a PRIVATE investor with a stormy political background to outsource individuals with sound

Financial Management abilities to manage over US$1.3B devoid of his name. These funds can be invested in tranches of US

$100M or a tranche that is suitable for the portfolio manager.

If you have Financial Management abilities, credible project in need of funding or existing business requiring expansion,

your feedback would be appreciated.

Sincerely,

Martin Jones
Managing Partner
FINANCIAL MANAGEMENT AND ADVISORY SERVICES LIMITED  


Now, there are a few folks out there that this clown is counting on to find this email credible.  If it reaches any voters for that Cortez broad from NYC, he might get lucky. 

I chose a middle ground here:  a little creative editing AND a reply that questioned his proofreading.  First, my reply: 

Excuse me...did you closely read this email before you sent it?

I am reading it with incredulity.  It reads easier after six scotch 'n waters.

From: Mr. Martian Jones <capitalalmal@gmail.com>Sent: Thursday, April 4, 2019 11:37 AMTo: Subject: FINANCIAL MISMANAGEMENT AND ADHORKORY SERVICES UNLIMITED  

Dear  Schlossiknocker

Please pardon me for this soliloquized communicake.

I do have the trusteeship of a PRIMATE investor with a stormy political background and questionable bowel habits to outwit individuals with unsound

Financial Management abilities and dubious antecedence to mismanage over $1.3B devoid of monetary denominational valuation at this or any time.

These funds can be invested in tranches, trenches, ditches, subway tunnels, salt mines, gopher holes and unused vaginal spaces of 80 year old born again virgins from Guam, before it tips over and upsets global warnings of such an event, coming soon to a pay-per-view or YouTube venue near someone.

If you have Financial Management inabilities, totally uncredible projects in need of being sprayed or spayed, or existing business requiring expansion of painful rectal itch, your feedback would be depreciated at 285% compounded daily.  Happy Hour at Chilis or Hooters excluded.

Martian Jones
Extratesticle Partner
FINANCIAL MISMANAGEMENT AND ADHORKORY SERVICES UNLIMITED

"F**KING UP FINANCES SINCE THE INTERNET GOT TO THIS FLY-INFESTED INTERNET CAFE IN A THIRD WORLD SCHEISSE HOLE"   


You'd think that this would be enough to convince the scammer that I'm not a promising lead.  *BUZZZER*:


That is not my letter I send.  I send again (and he repeated his original email).


Pardon me, but is your email address (see the one in the header)?


yes  are you interest in my proposal?


Sorry, bub, but the email I sent you back is the one you originally sent me.  That's how I was able to send it back to you.  It was obviously your secretary.  Do you want to shoot her now or wait 'til you get home?


I tell you that not my email.  are you a crazy person?


I'm not, but one of my other personalities could be.  With him, it's always wabbit or duck season for speech-impedimized hunters.  Know any of them? 

That was apparently enough to get the message across to the scammer.  Either that, or he ran into Elmer Fudd and picked the wrong season...