Snorting The Banana

It's a very popular thing online in Scamland -- the dying widow scam.

It's supposed to be a great heart-string yanker to the great unwashed and ill-prepared emoters out there.

And I guess that today's scammer felt that it would be even more effective in a foreign language...in this case, Filipino.

At any rate, here's the English translation of the first couple heart-rending paragiraffes from Ms Antoinette:

Hello My Beloved One.

 Congratulations on the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, It is true that this letter may come to you as a surprise. However, I humbly ask you to give me your attention and listen to me properly. My name is Mrs. Antoinette Gross from the United States of America. I was married to Mr Anthony Gross who once worked in our Embassy in Germany in 2002 and he also worked in an embassy in London for a period of 16 years before he died.

 We were married for 25 years without a child before he died after a short illness. Because of his death I decided not to marry again because of my religious beliefs. After my husband's life he deposited the amount of USD $ 10.500.000.00 (Ten Million Five Thousand United States dollars) with a Bank here in America. Currently this money is still in the Bank's custody. Recently, my Doctor told me I would not be in the next Four months due to my cancer disease.  

 

It goes on for a few more paragiraffes, but never once is there a mention of anything Philippines, but meh...it's the scam that counts.

 

My pet rock, Seymour, doesn't speak Filipino.  As he sarcastically pointed out, neither do I; but I have the smarts to make use of teh Gooble Translooter, while Seymour just responds in gobblespeak.

 

"Do NOT!  PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!"

 

At any rate, here's the response that went back to Ms Antoinette in Filipino/gobblespeak, translated for y'all:

 

 

During the Great Patriotic Wart, I lived a banal existence as a prostitute for the 37th Infantry Brigade at the Solomeeo Barracks in Petsamo. Inky Binky the Ass Clown was there doing quickies for pork chop money and I did all the things any good Bulgar would want done if on drugs and semi-conscious.

Now I'm at a clinic for fallen vaginas in Kamala Lamplighter, seeking a rebush that will put everything back where it fell from. My witch doctor tells me that I have a 50-80 chance to become fully gender fluid by operation's end, and this leaves me wondering what bathroom will be right for me, and if he used Crummy Core math or not to arrive at that statistic. The truly important thing here is that it changes nothing in the larger scheme of things: democraps are still douche canoes.

So to those of you who think flights of fancy are simply drug-induced hallucinogenic episodes, I say twitterpation is the art of saying not much of value in under 280 characters, especially when you're of the left and have single-digit IQs.

Pursuant to disgusto flatulent supremo ack filtering, devil bunnies, devil bunnies, I snort the banana! Your results may vary, depending on which Beatles record you play backwards.

So it is and forever more shall be a jackwagon loaded with sh*t to be living in a democrap-controlled place of ever-accelerating failure. A place where no one knows their gender and needs a safe room when anyone says "Trump".

And so I say un to you, the great unwashed nincompoops of the DNC, you created dumbed-down education, and it brought you the Cortez thing. You built that. Enjoy how it dumbs down your entire party ever more.

Don't try sex with a pineapple; it doesn't work.

Praise a coke bottle in pantaloons!  


There was no reply from Ms Antoinette, who was probably made even sicker after seeing what I dun to her email, Ma.

Meanwhile the Cortez thing is out there, somewhere, pissed off that nobody likes her.  Other than devil bunny banana snorters...