Missionary Improbable

So far, not one of the scammer emails that I've received over 19 years has self-destructed within 7 seconds.

Depending on how I treated it, it took a bit longer.

Speaking of missions improbable, let's have a look at a missionary *FAIL* from Scamland:


Hello Beloved,

I am Carol Mitchell a Missionary formally with Saints Peter and Paul
Church Catholic North Beach/Telegraph Hill 666 Filbert St San
Francisco, CA 94133 USA, I have the Sum of US$6M in Citibank Bank N.A
(New York) before I was diagnosed with cancer of the blood and
according to my doctors I have just two or three weeks to live.

So I want you to help me stand as my Next of Kin to enable Citibank
Bank Transfer this US$6M to you, note that you will take US$3M out of
this US$6M and give the remaining US$3M to any Charity Home here in
United State, Africa, Canada, Europe and Asia because that was the vow
I made to my God Almighty before I became a Missionary.

I want you to get back to me immediately if you are interested to
stand as my Next of Kin, So that I can introduce you to my Lawyer,
Bank and direct you on how to proceed before I pass away in this world
because I have only two weeks to live according to my Doctor. I wait
your urgent

Please get in touch with me VIA this my confidential email {
missionarycarolmitchell90077@gmail.com }

Thanks,
Missionary Carol Mitchell.
Saints Peter and Paul Church  


Mr. Spock probably would not have found this 'fascinating'.  But my pet rock, Seymour -- rested and ready to again don his "editing gone wild" hat -- was more than ready for an edit:


From: Missionary Position Menstrual Instructor Carol Mitchell <ubatony675@gmail.com>
Sent: Friday, February 15, 2019 7:07 AM
Subject: HELL NO BELOVED CAN YOU STAND AS MY NEXT OF MANNEKIN TO HELP FIT SOMETHING POORLY? 

--
Hello Beloved,

I am Missionary Position Menstrual Instructor Carol Mitchell

a what-I-said formally with Saints Peter and Paul and Mary
Church of Puff The Magic Vape Thing, located very loosely around

Catholic North Beach/Telegraph Hill 666 Filbert St San Francisco,

CA 94133 USA.  I kinda sorta think you can found it on Gooble

Oith, with the help of a meth lab and the crimeittee from the DNC

that drafted the Green New Deal and put it into Dick-Jane-Spot-Puff

lingo so that AO Cortez could actually understand a minute portion of what

was in it.

After I let this email leak I was diagnosed with career cancer of the

Former Dead Friends of Hellary Clinton Foundation and
according to cnn I have just two or three weeks to figure out

how I want my demise to look before Jim Acosta starts pouting

at me and asking me when I first knowd that he was colluding

with a cucumber to be ridden by Hellary, causing her another

reason she lost in 2016.

So I want you to help me stand, because my AO Cortez is

broke and they're trying to fix it; meantime, I am the walrus when

played backward like a Beatles record, suggesting all sorts of weird

anomalies in an octopuses garden in Newark.

Bet you didn't know they had those in Newark, did you?  Well, if

you played Beatles records backwards, you would have.

Now that the end is near, and it belongs to a cow, and it's not

corked, I am sure to be more fried than the sleigh-riding woman

in the Bud commercial. 

 

 

And this is all because in less than 12 years

we're all going to suffer from globulls of the warming, since none

of us took AlGore seriously in the South Park episode that featured

man-bear-pig and how many hours it took Joy Behar to be made up

to look like that. 

As my Next of Kin, you will receive a certificate, an autographed

photo of a Yugo, a letter of introduction to the Snow Monster of

Christmas Repasts, and Twitter insult from Kathy Griffin because

you said she looked like the Tales of the Crypt keeper.

She does, and she's pissed about it.

Absolutely none of this made any sense before I took the vow of vows

to become an octosexual orthopodded gender-fluid non-binary disciple

of Bela Pelosi.   

It still doesn't, but when you have the single-digit IQ of Maxine Waters,

you don't care about anything but impeaching things that upset you.

To enable Citibank to make sense of this, enter 'WTF' on your Twitter

account now.

Didn't work?  Clearly you're not doing it right.

I want you to get back to me immediately if you were able to read

any of this.  If so, I want to introduce you to my Lawyer, in case I

find the need to sue you for making disparaging comments about

the DNC, which has sensitive feelings for illegal criminal voters but

not human fetuses.  Especially in NY.

Before I pass this template onto some moron on AO Cortez's staph to

post online, please get in touch with me VIA this my confidential email {
missionarycarolmitchell90077@gmail.com } and I will instruct you

how to play Katy Perry DVDs backward to find the demonic messages

therein.

Missionary Position Menstrual Instructor Carol Mitchell .
Saints Peter and Paul and Mary Church of Puff The Magic Vape Thing  

 

 

Whatever expedience Missionary Mitchell intended this to mean to my editing pet rock, appears to have been lost in the translation.  Or the flaming horse fart.