Koo-Koo-Cachoo Mrs. Scammerson

Epic *FAIL*s from Scamland are actually pretty SOP around here.

But they don't get that, and that's fine with me and my assorted characters.

Here's one where the scammer pretends not to be a scammer, but claims to know all about scammers, and wonders why I'm so...well, I'll let you read it:


Sometimes, I do wonder if you are really, really with your senses. How Could you keep trusting people and at the end you will loose your hard Earned money, or are you being deceived by their big names? They Impersonate on many offices, claiming to be Governors, Directors/Chairmen of one Office or the other. Their game plan is only just to extort your hard Earned money. Now, the question is how long you will continue to be Deceived? Sometimes, they will issue you fake check, introduce you to fake Diplomatic delivery, un-existing on-line banking and they will also fake wire transfer of Your fund with Payment Stop Order and even send you fake Atm cards etc.

Anyway, by the virtue of my position I have been following this Transaction from inception and all your efforts towards realizing the Fund. More often than not, I sit down and laugh at your ignorance and That of those who claim they are assisting you, it is very unfortunate That at the end you loose. Although, I don't blame you because you are Not here in Nigeria to witness the processing of your payment in Nigeria. The problem you are having is that you been told the whole truth About this transaction and it is because of this truth they decided to Be extorting your money. The most annoying part is even fraudsters Have really taken advantage of this opportunity to enrich them selves At your expense. Those you feel are assisting or working for you are Your main problems. I know the truth surrounding this payment and I am The only person who will deliver you from this long suffering if you will abide by my advice.

They claim that they are helping you and you forward all the fraudulent e-mails you receive to them. At the end they do nothing about the fraudsters. Soon they will ask you to pay money to receive a compensation of millions of dollars Do not pay any money to them because they are only interested in your hard earned money and you will never receive any compensation in return, they will always keep coming back to ask for more money.

Please I beseech you to stop pursuit of shadows and being Deceived. Feel free to contact me immediately you receive this mail so that I can Explain to you the modus-operandi guiding the release of your Payment. Do not panic, be rest assured that this arrangement will be Guided by your Embassy here in Nigeria.

N/B: You are urgently requested to provide me with the following information

Full Name:
Address:
Telephone Number:
Occupation:
Passport Or National Identity Copy:

Contact me upon the receipt of this mail if you wish to receive your fund and stop wasting your hard earn money..

I await your urgent response.

Yours Sincerely,

Mr. Ibrahim Mustafa Magu.
CHAIRMAN ECONOMIC & FINANCIAL CRIME COMMISSION

Nothing like a compassionate scammer, who really ain't...'cuz he's a scammer too.  Be that as it may, it was time to allow my pet rock, Seymour, an edit opportunity ahead of picking March Madness brackets that he'll lose to me in again this year.

"Will NOT!!!  PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!"

Focus, Seymour...get to the edit:  


From: Mr. Ibrahim Mustafa Mugu <efccagent@optiononline.com>
Sent: Thursday, January 31, 2019 11:46 PM
To: princealbertinacan101@hotmail.com
Subject: VEWY VEWY IMPOTENT..TAKE TWO AND CALL ME IN 2021

 

Sometimes I do wonder if you are really, really with your senses. Then I recall twat waffles like Duke Asi and James Sama, and I realize that you're generally brighter than either of those two clowns.  Now, the question is how long you will continue to be deceived with questions like "if a sheep is a ram and a donkey is an ass, why is a ram in the ass a goose?"  Sometimes, one must wonder why "Noel" has an "L" in it...and sometimes it's just easier to ask a horse when it walks into a bar, "why the long face?"  This of course will never help people who don't see what was just done when a skeleton clatters into a local bar and orders a beer and a mop.

Anyway, by the virtue of my position -- a mix of missionary and akin to trying to pass a spinal tap poopie -- I have been following the March Madness preliminary brackets from inception and all your efforts towards getting remotely close to surviving the bracket's first weekend. More often than not, I sit down and laugh at your ignorance when I see that you insist upon putting William & Mary in the Final Four, when they're not even in the tournament.  Alas, it is very unfortunate that at the end your bracket -- after Weekend #1 -- it looks like silk curtains in the House of Cats. Although, I don't blame you because you are not here in Nigeria to witness the truly pathetic scam templates that are tried every year at March Madness time. The problem you are having is that you have not been told the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you empty Coke bottle. The most annoying part is even fraudsters far less capable than me have really made a muck of the online scam industry here, and flooded the email system with poor templates and half-wit nincompoops like Duke Asi, James Sama, and countless others of dubious antecedence who sexually violate tree stumps when they're bored...and in most internet cafes, trust me....they're bored.  

At any rate, I am the only person who will deliver you a pizza with only a 7.5% mark up if you will abide by my advice.  My advice will not include investing in plastics; that was from a movie in 1968, and Koo-Koo-Cachoo looks nothing now like she did then.  Her cupcakes are hanging at her crotch.

Please I beseech you to stop any kind of hot pursuit with Sheriff Roscoe P. Coltrane; he's wrecked practically every unit he's hot-pursuited in.  Feel free to contact me immediately once you receive this missive so that I can Explain to you what a missive is, what the modus-operandi guiding the release of endorphins into your genitals means and a whole host of post-menopausal reasons you do NOT want to answer any woman's question about if her butt is getting fat.  Do not panic, be rest assured that you can dodge this question by complimenting her nose hairs or her shoe collection...or just tell her that there's a sale at Sears.

N/B: You are urgently requested to provide me with the following information

Full Name:
Address:
Telephone Number:
Occupation:
Passport Or National Identity Copy:

Contact me upon the receipt of this mail if you wish to see what I'll have to say next when I find out some farging bastage has totally edited my original email, leaving me with no idea how to respond to you.  I may recommend you take William & Mary and -12 to cover the March Madness bracket spread, rather than try to sort this sh*t out.

I await your urgent response.

Yours Sincerely,

Mr. Ibrahim Mustafa Mugu.
CHAIRMAN of the NIGERIAN ECONOMIC & FINANCIAL CRIME COMMITERS GUILD

A subslimeiary of the Nigerian Illuminincompoops

Funny how the originating scammer had no response to what Seymour sent him.  He didn't even ask for Seymour to place a side bet taking William & Mary to cover the spread...