Monday, February 5, 2018

Star Wars 19???

Relax...it may not be as bad as all that.

You'd of thought someone said "Trump!" to her or something.

Only in Scamland is there a rumor of a Star Wars XIX. 

A rumor my character put there after receiving this email from the Supreme Court of the Federal Republic of Nigeria:


Supreme Court of Nigeria
Three-Arms Zone
P.M.B. 308. Garki Abuja
 E-mail: chiefjusticeofnig@legislator.com
websites:http://supremecourt.gov.ng/


Dear: Unpaid Beneficiary,

This is to inform you that in the course of my investigation as director of payment verification / implementation committee I came across your name as unpaid fund beneficiary in the record of the central bank of Nigeria and other banks that are suppose to get your funds released to you. My committee was set up by the payment reconciliation committee to verify and scrutinize all outstanding debts owed to our foreign beneficiaries in accordance to the information received from the United States government and other countries over unpaid huge debts owed to Foreigners.

Having seen your file and my further questioning to the officials of the central of Nigeria bank and ministry of finance as to why your payment is still pending reveals the rot and corruption in the system. The bank officials told me that the reason why you haven't received your payment is due to your inability to pay for the required charges for transfer of funds to your account. When I asked them why they didn't deduct the said charges from your principal sum, I was given the flimsy excuse that you never authorized them to do so. When I put the question across to them if they ever advised you that such charges could be deducted from your principal fund,the answer I got was no. Now, if you do not tell this beneficiary that such charges could be deducted from his or her principal fund, how will he or she know that such options are available for such beneficiaries.

From my investigation I discovered that these bank officials deliberately refused to let the charges be deducted from your principal fund because they want your fund to remain trapped in the bank, while they continue to extort money from beneficiaries under some flimsy excuse. You do not need to pay any money to any official, all you are required to do is swear to an affidavit at the federal high court of Nigeria, authorizing the bank to deduct all charges from your principal fund and transfer the balance of funds after deduction to your bank account. If you have spent any money in the past in your quest for payment, kindly let me know so that I can follow this up. You can reach me on my phone or email for directive on how you can get the deduction done as soon as possible and get your payment also.


In case you doubt or want to ascertain whom I am, you can log into any of the following websites:http://supremecourt.gov.ng/

Yours sincerely,

Walter S. Nkanu Onnoghen.
 E-mail: chiefjusticeofnig@legislator.com
websites:http://supremecourt.gov.ng/
ATTORNEY GENERAL FEDERAL
REPUBLIC OF NIGERIA.  



In the course of the edit, some twisted individual of dubious thinkingcedence made a lame suggestion about...well, read it yourself:

 
From: Supreme Court of Nigeria <barrister_dandy@yahoo.com>
Sent: Sunday, December 24, 2017 3:27 PM
Subject: FROM THE ATTURKEY GENITAL FEDERAL REPUBLIC OF NIGERIA

Supreme Court of Nigeria
Three-Arms One-Leg Zone
P.M.B. 308. Garki Abuja
 E-mail: chiefjusticeofnig@legislator.com

Dear: Unwashed Benephiserary,

This is to inform you that in the course of my investigation as director of the upcoming movie Star Warts XIX -- The Phantom Cowtickler Has Gas And Isn't Afraid To Use it -- slated for release in theatres in the sprung of 2020, I came across your name as an unauditioned wannabe in this movie. 



 WTbloodyF???  My casting call had already closed to verify and scrutinize all possible acting nincompoops this movie project would need, and here you come along.

 Having seen your portfolioid of pictures you somehow got of me leaving a Motel 6 in Newark with an inflatable Nancy Bela Pelosi sex toy at 3am -- that Al Franken bought from me for a burrito supreme -- and my further questioning to the other actors/actresses/gender neutralities there amongst, reveals the rot and corruption in the Hollywad system. The Beverly Hillbillies officials told me that the reason why you haven't received your invite to audition is due to your inability to do a sex scene with Debbie Wasserman-Medusa for the required cosmic mayhem scene just before the Death Star XI charges in to blow the living flying fish f**k out of Darfur, Aleppo, Deadtroit, or somewhere desolate that George Clooney will get on a jackwagon about for a few sound bytes because he doesn't like Trump and is still bent because Team America hosed his marionette. 
 

When I asked them why they didn't go ahead and audition you, they handed me a collection of your worst audition videos from Survivor, The Voice, American YouDull and a couple other shows that pretty much showed all, including your genital warts that I could have done without seeing.  I was given the flimsy excuse that you never authorized them to leave out your Dancing With The Stars audition of doing the mambo with an inflated version of Kim Kardashian's butt.  When I put the question across to them if they ever advised you that you could have been charged for the casualties that routine inflicted -- when the inflated Kardashian butt catastrophically deflated, wiping out the band and half the judges along with several dozens of audiences dismembered -- the answer I got was no, that the FBI and Robert Mueller were covering up for you because you had photos of them doing unspeakables with an inflatable Hellary, too.
 

Now, if you do not recall any of this happenings, we might have a part where you play a Hellary Clintonesque Evil Empire figure, demanding to know why she's not up 50% in the ratings or some such.  You also get to smash lamps and fall down a lot.

 From my investigation I discovered that no one outside of Nigeria wants this movie made under some flimsy excuse. You do not need to worry about what anyone says about you at pmsnbc or cnn, because their audience of a dozen are all fondling their goat parts and are not paying attention.  All you are required to do is swear to an affidavit at the federal high court of Nigeria that you did not actually refuse to do that sex scene with Wasserman-Medusa, since we're going to insert Jar Jar Binks into that slot anyway.
 

If you have spent any money in the past in your quest for getting the DNC to stay away from your hamsters, kindly let me know so that I can follow this up.
 

You can reach me on my phone or email for directive on how we can get your audition scheduled.

In case you doubt or want to ascertain whom I am, you can log into any of the following websites: http://Star Warts XIX -- The Phantom Cowtickler Has Gas And Isn't Afraid To Use it/gov.ng/


 Yours sincerely,

Walter S. Nkanu Onnoghen.
 E-mail: chiefjusticeofnig@legislator.com
websites: http://Star Warts XIX -- The Phantom Cowtickler Has Gas And Isn't Afraid To Use it /gov.ng/
FROM THE ATTURKEY GENITAL FEDERAL REPUBLIC OF NIGERIA 
 
 
This drew no response from the Nigerian Supreme Court.  It was rumored to have triggered George Lucas to seek therapy for that court.
 
 

One can understand why...

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