Thursday, January 18, 2018

A Fake Missile Alert Triggers...A Fecal Tsunami?


A couple Saturdays ago, this reaction was probably replicated perhaps thousands of times in Hawaii.

Some dunce there "pushed the wrong button" during an EAS test, sending out a missile attack alert to the islands via assorted media sources.

See a possible suspect below.

Meanwhile, it took in some cases 38 minutes to clarify that it was a boo-boo.

Let's face it...an actual nuclear attack isn't funny.  The threat of one isn't funny.  Countries that threaten to launch them on a regular basis -- aka, North Korea -- aren't funny.

Except when depicted by South Park.  

That said, some of the substandard media outlets -- echoing their substandard allies in politics and Hollyweird -- weren't long in trying to blame some aspect of the mistake on President Trump.

My pet rock, Seymour, found that hugely amusing.  So much so, it was time for him to don his "editing gone wild" hat again, and have at the lamestream mediocres and their dubious antecedent allies:


Missile threat alert for Hawaii a false alarm; fecal tsunami that alert triggered was not; Unhinged leftists blame Trump, demand US surrender to North Korea

By Seymour PetRock

Washington (WTFNS)An emergency alert notification sent out on Saturday claiming a "ballistic missile threat inbound to Hawaii" proved to be a false alarm, according to leftist activists, who blamed it on President Donald Trump, and began demands that surrender negotiations be immediately started with North Korean butt polyp Kim Jong Un.

"BALLISTIC MISSILE THREAT INBOUND TO HAWAII. SEEK IMMEDIATE SHELTER. THIS IS NOT A DRILL," the emergency alert read.

While the message made no sense to the thousands of low information democrats, it caused practically no concern on social media as it interfered with all the tweets about Hollyweird awards to themselves, and Twitter's anti-conservative 'shadow' algorithm clamped down on it, sending out instead a tweet about celebrating octosexual hamsters.

Hawaii Gov. David Ige told WTFNS that human fouling errors increased several million percent during the alert.

The warning went out to television and radio as well as via cell phones, CB radios, semaphore, Morse code and a few hundred thousand “Aww f***”s, Ige added.
 
Ige also tweeted that he is meeting with top EPA clean up experts to help with his office.

 
Hawaii Emergency Management Agency sent this out at 0808 island time.
 
From paradise to panic: Hawaii residents and vacationers run for cover, fearing missile attack

A second emergency alert was sent to phones in Hawaii 3 minutes after the initial message confirming a “fecal tsunami warning” alert for the whole of the islands. Then came the false alarm.

WTFNS was told by a viewer in Hawaii that the initial threat warning and the “fecal tsunami warning” message came three minutes apart, followed by the false alarm more than 30 minutes later.

Hawaii: First state to prepare for nuclear attack

Hawaii Rep. Tulsi Gabbard posted to Twitter soon after the initial alert the message “F***STICK!”

Some Government officials overreact


President Donald Trump was kept abreast of events by his advisers, which triggered Hollyweird to shriek about sexual harassment and schedule another awards show to calm themselves with.
 
Democrap Party lightweights Nancy Bela Pelosi, Dick DUHBan, MaxiPad Waters and others issued statements that varied between demands for President Trump's impeachment and totally unintelligible statements that reveal accelerated brain atrophy was and is perfectly at home among the party elites. House representative from Georgia, Hank Johnson (Dumbass), issued a statement to the effect of “still laughing at me about Guam tipping over? Not so funny now, huh?”
Yes, Hank; it's still funny.



 
The FBI's Strategic Information and Operations Center – still trying to put together another Trump dossier since the Russian one is imploding -- was at a Parcheesi tournament in Newark, a US official told WTFNS, and couldn't be disturbed until Monday.

In addition, the Federal Communications Commission is nonplussed about the “fecal tsunami warning” and are investigating that part of the incident, FCC sources tweeted.


How does the military track missile launches?


Most of the media at outlets like cnn and msnbc are too stupid to be able to explain this, so we'll just say that the military has its ways.



On Saturday evening, former Chicago Bears defensive mass William Refrigerator Perry warned it wasn't out of the realm of possibility that a fecal tsunami alert could start by accident if such warnings happen in the future.

"The risk of accidental fecal tsunamis are not hypothetical – look what happened on a South Park episode when a 'brown note' was inserted in music for a world wide recorder concert," tweeted Perry, who served under former coach Mike Ditka. "When the lives of millions are at risk, we must do more than just hope that there's enough Depends on hand."

No one can say why The 'Frig was interviewed for this article.

What will state officials do now?

State officials said in a news conference Saturday they are currently demanding that President Trump open surrender negotiations with North Korean butt polyp Kim Jong Un, before Un leads Hawaii to self-destroy by causing another and wider spread “inland fecal tsunami”.

“We must surrender NOW, before the North Koreans destroy us all” said a spokesdork for Antifa, the DNC, BLM, Vaginas R Us, the Hellary Globull Crimedation, cnn, msnbc, abc, cbs, nbc, the nyt, washpo, Vox, Pox, Sox, Sux and all the other little snowflakes across college campuses who feared losing their cupcakes and safe zones. Officials also said they are reviewing why some sirens on the island were triggered by the fecal tsunami alert when they should have been triggered by an NRA TV ad, and why some people did not have their NFL playoff games interrupted by South Park's world-wide recorder concert/brown note episode.


"Today is a day that most of us will never forget. A day when many in our community thought our worst fecal nightmare had come to pass," Ige said, adding "I know first-hand that what happened today was totally unacceptable, just as it was in that South Park 'brown note' episode. I'm calling in Hawaii 5-0 to investigate this."



Jack Lord could not be reached for comment. Seems he died a few years ago.


WTFNS's Ben Dover, Myra Manes, Jack N Ewehoff, Moose 'n Squirrel, Frank Unsteen and a turkey hiding under a lampshade contributed to this report.

I don't see Seymour any closer to his dream of a Pulitzer here.

"Oh PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!"

But I do see him being offered a job to be the fecal tsunami alert system.

"PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!"

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1 Comments:

Blogger Sandee said...

I'm sure that before this is over it will be Trump's fault. Loony left.

Have a fabulous day, Mike. My best to Seymour and Element. ☺

18 January, 2018 09:41  

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