Scamming The News

Whatever your opinions of President Donald Trump, he certainly gets under the skin of the Fourth Estate.

They, who have punked so many others over the years, cannot stand being punked now by a non politician who refuses to play by their rules.

That said, I got what I consider to be a first in my 18 years of scambaiting:  an email scam from ABC News.

Oh, I know:  they and others have been scamming me on the nightly news for years (think Dan Rather, Brian Williams, etc).  But not in email.

Granted, the email probably isn't from THE ABC News; but they say they are, and that was enough to have at.

Here's how they played:

"To Whom It May Concern"

 

If you’re the owner of this email (and it was that of one of my scambaiting characters), respond immediately.

 

I’m Ms.  Rachel Willington, the assistant director of the ABC NEWS. I’m contacting you today in regard to a letter which was brought to my desk by two unknown Investigators and this needs your urgent attention.

 

It was stated on the letter that you have an unclaimed funds with sum amount $10.6 Million United States Dollars which I believe you may know about it or maybe you’re not notified by the Government.

 

Should in case you have been keeping silent to the claim to your legitimate funds or maybe you’re thinking that it’s not real, you’re killing yourself with negative mindset because the two unknown investigators who came to my office explained carefully to me that the Government is holding back your funds because you haven’t shown any seriousness to the claim of your $10.6 Million United States Dollars and the United States Government is trying to take full ownership of the funds if you don’t act fast.  

 

They also explained that all those people who says to you DON’T SEND FEES TO SOMEONE WHO WANT TO HELP YOU GET YOUR FUNDS they are all liars and they work for the Government.  They are there to discourage you from getting your legitimate money and if you don’t act fast now, the Government is going to take full ownership of the funds.

 

You’re hereby advice to contact Mr. Josh Margolin Chief Investigative Reporter of ABC News and no other person. He will provide you with a lawyer who will help you get your money back from the Government.

 

Contact Email: joshmargolin@investigativereporter.abc.ezyro.com

 

Thank you for your Understand.

 

Regard

Ms. Rachel Willington

Assistant Director Of ABC NEWS  

 

 

Cracks me up.  And elicited a *TOING* that I simply had to follow up with an edit: 

 

To Whom It Better Concern Unless You Don't Mind Us Doing A Faked Expose (including photoshops) On Your Leaving a Georgetown Motel 6 At 2:30AM With An Inflatable Yak Named Hellary Sex Toy on the morning of November 9, 2016:

 

 

There's no point in denying it, whether you're the owner of this email (see whatever email addy we choose to insert h'yar) or not; unless you want one of our crews from Bad Datelines to trash your reputation, you will respond immediately.

 

I’m Ms.  Rachel Twat Waffle Willington, the assistant misdirector of the ABC NEWS. I’m contacting you today in regard to a letter which was brought to my desk by two unknown Investigators that were fired along with former CBS and NBC anchordorks, and that's all the more reason that this needs your urgent attention.

 

 

It was stated on the letter that you are someone what makes fun of our Fourth Estate, calls us fake news, laughs at our poor put-upon whorespondents – regardless of their gender identity – being bullied by Whozits Huckabee at press debriefings, and doesn't think that Russians elected Trump and millions of people will die if AlGore's man-bear-pig isn't put on the Federal Endangered Feces list.

Shame on you for your failure to give us our entitled right to shape the news the way we want. How DARE you leave the sheeple herd and have your own thoughts on things. You obviously didn't get the DNC talking points memo, you evil, mean-spirited self-thinker.

 

 

Should in case you think we're joking here or maybe you’re thinking that this email is as real as cnn, you’re killing our influence with your negative mindset waves. Believe a ewe or me, we are 100% as serial as AlGore's man-bear-pig or Fauxcahontas' claim that Obolacare replacement will kill billions of people in Uranus, Massachusetts; and this because the two unknown investigators who came to my office explained carefully to me that purple hat wearing aliens in twat waffle suits comparing assholes and oranges can prove to Mika Brezsinski that crummy core meth plays well in Hollyweird and goes a long way to explain why Bela Pelosi has lost her curds and way since 2010. Our make-it-up-as-we-go reporters are standing by to trash you like a Trump family member if you don’t act fast.  

 

 

They also explained that they're getting paid by George Prune Soros and Debbie Medusa Schultz ONLY on the condition that they bring you to your knees and force your compliance here. And anyone at Fox that says otherunwise are all liars and are dressed funny by a ventriloquist dummy named Achmed.

Not Walter; he has gas.

 

You’re hereby advice to contact Mr. Josh Margolin,  the chef Incestigative Repooter of ABC News and no other person who, living or dead, was with Brian Williams at the signing of the Declaration of Incontinence. He will provide you with a lawyer who will help you indicted by a jury rigged of your pears and collies.

 

Contact Email: joshmargolin@investigativereporter.abc.ezyro.com

 

Spank you for your total lack of Understand.

 

Regard

Ms. Rachel Twat Waffle Willington

Assistant MisDirector Of ABC NEWS

 

Disclaimer

The information contained in this communication from the sender is a total jackwagon load from Hollyweird, The Spew, Assley Dudd, the CBO, HBO, OMG and WTF and are intended solely for the use of the Fourth Estate during any news cycle. If you are not the intended recipient of this email and its contents, you must submit to our sublemonal massages and believe that Hellary is good, Trump is bad and it is an honor to get painful rectal itch from Maxine Waters and Chucky Schumer. If pictures are inadvertently attached here that show Bill Clinton auditioning female intern genital humidors at a resort in the Bahamas, you must believe that it is Trump instead take action based upon them, as well as badly copy and show them to everyone. Please contact the sender if you believe you have received this email in error and the sender will straighten you out on that point.  This email has been aggressively strewn with viruses and malware by ABC NEWS (and their equally sunken-in-standards peers) providing a more dumbed down and more indoctrinatable place for your human generated global warming hoaxes.  

 

No reply from the scammer(s) so far; and no Dateline, 20/20 or other incestigative report shows are beating down my character's door, demanding an interview, explanation and apology.

 

Since my character is currently on vacation in Liechtenstein -- staying at the bucolic VhatDasPhock Inn -- good luck with that...