Facepalm Gets Scammed

One of my scambaiting characters -- one that is NOT currently on Failbook -- just got informed by Failbook that he 'won' a Failbook international lottery.

What won't ol' Zuck think of next?

Whatever it is, it won't be giving 50 people world wide $650,000 each.  Cheap bastard.

What I love more about this scam is it begins with another "from the desk of" openings.

I HATE talking furniture.

Anyway, here's the scam:

FACEBOOK ONLINE INTERNATIONAL LOTTERY
FROM: THE DESK OF THE PRESIDENT
CATEGORY: 2ND

Attention: Facebook User,

CONGRATULATIONS FROM FACEBOOK!!!

Facebook is aimed at saying A BIG THANK YOU to all our Online Users for making Facebook their number one means to Connect, Communicate, Relate and Hookup with their Families, Love Ones and Friends over the years.

Congratulations your Facebook Account won The online draw was Conducted by a random selection of email you where picked by an Advanced Automated Random Computer search by the Facebook Group. So We are pleased to inform you of the result of the DRAW held on (7TH JULY 2016) by Facebook Inc in cash Promotion to encourage the usage of Facebook Users world wide, your Facebook Email Account was among the 50 Lucky Winners who won ( Six Hundred Thousand United State Dollars ) each on the Facebook Promotion Award Attached to Ticket Number (5647600545189), Lucky Number:(2551256002/244) and Serial Number (55643451907).

Kindly get back to us for further instructions as you are required to contact our dispatch dept ( f_promo7@aol.com ) by signifying your interest by providing your most confidential your NAME, CELL PHONE NUMBER for quick communication also your HOME ADDRESS and COUNTRY OF ORIGIN.

Acknowledge this mail by replying back immediately.

Yours Faithfully,
John Cole
Promo Coordinator.
© 2016 FACEBOOK  


And it's written so convincingly, too.  Even down to the copyright symbol.

*snort*

Of course, the scam will be 'in' when fools that believe write back and get told they have to pay some kind of a servicing or shipping fee to collect their money.  They'll pay it -- usually by Western Union or Money Gram -- and the scammers win while the fools that believe get no $650,000 but do make the Scam Land Mugu Wall of Shame.

Meantime...my character that was contacted...well, let's just say that he takes a different approach.  He edits the scam email, and sends it back to the Failbook yardbirds and dozens of their pals and colleagues, looking something like this:


FACEPALM ONLINE INTERNATIONAL COCKUPPERY
FROM: THE DESK OF A PERSON SO STUPID THE DESK HAS TO SPEAK FOR HIM
CATEGORY: 3RD WORLD TWATWAFFLE

Attention: Facepalm User,

A piece of talking furniture at FACEPALM says CONGRATULATIONS FROM FACEPALM!!!

BUZZZZZZER...WINNER...WINNER...WINNER...WINNER....WINNER...NOT...NOT...NOT...NOT..NOT

Facepalm is aimed at saying A BIG F**K Y'ALL to all our Online Users for making Facepalm their number two means while sitting on the can, between web surfing Kim Kardashian's butt, MSNBC interviewing marmots about violence in Kookamonga, Hellary Clinton's latest lies and how Earthly AGW is f**king up the climate on Uranus, a planet none to happy with us already for having named it that.

Congratulations your Facepalm Account **won** an online draw that was conducted by a random selection of pillaged Fast Achmed's Cous Cous 'n Camel Outlet Shops in Arab Springville, where you wuz picked along with uncounted noses by a bedouin disguised as an Advanced Automated Random Computer after seeing Cartman fake being a computer to fool Butters in a South Park episode, which was just seed by the Facepalm Group. So we are practically wetting ourselves in puppy-like excitement to inform you of this fallacious result held on (7TH JULY 2016) by Facepalm Inc to encourage gullible recipients to send us money from Facepalm users world wide while thinking that they'll get more. Great work if you can get it!!!

Out of billions of Facepalm users, YOU – yeah, that's YOU this talking desk is pointing an open drawer at – are one of 50 Facepalm Email Accounts (out of probably thousands we've sent this email to) who will now think that they've won ( Six Hundred Thousand United State Dollars ) each on the Facepalm Promotion Online Award!

Hey...a talking desk wouldn't LIE to you like the DNC and MSNBC would. Furniture ain't capable of that! Unless we're trained that way.

Was that a “my bad” moment?

Now comes some pretty useless sh*t that's required to keep up the illusion here...your (and thousands of others) winning numbers are Ticket Number (5647600545189), Lucky Number:(2551256002/244) and Serial Number (55643451907). Absolutely all of which were hacked from Hellary's primate email server and subsequently obtained by Wikileaks from the Russians, Chinese, North Koreans and even the one man Liechtensteinian Secret Service.

Kindly get back to this talking desk (because the people around here are as useless as politicians during a fact finding hearing) for further instructions as you are required to contact a desk in our dispatch dept ( f_promo7@aol.com ) by signifying you bought this sh*t and provide to that desk your most confidential your NAME, CELL PHONE NUMBER for quick communication also your HOME ADDRESS and COUNTRY OF ORIGIN. None of which will remain confidential once it's on Hellary's leaky server.

Acknowledge this mail by replying back immediately and give us cause to change our Depends and go 'happy puppy' all over again.

Insincerely,
The Talking Desk of John Cole
Who Is One Lazy Facepalm Sack of Fecal Hellary Testimony

© 2016 FACEPALM

A Zuckerborg World Wide Conspiracy to control blackberries, blueberries, droids, smart phones, dumb phones, Ernestine snort, ipods, ipads, itampons and whatever other ish*t will be coming out with Star Wars VIII logos on it for Christmas, Harmonica, et al...  

What came as no surprise, I heard nothing back from the originating scammer.  I did hear from one past scammer who occasionally gets aggrieved with my continuing to email him long after he demanded (and then pleaded) that I stop:

why you not leave me alone?  

I told you, I'm not in the business of giving people loans.  Why do you keeping asking me to leave you a loan when you KNOW by now I don't do loans?  What in the seersucker horsehair butt thonged  f**k is the matter with you???  I say again:  I won't LEAVE YOU A LOAN. 

If my pet rock Seymour were home, that'd be good for a pet rock *facepalm*.