A Little More Yakety Yak
Neither did the scammer intend to involve anything akin to a yak in this email, as you'll obviously note:
In accordance to my religious persuasion, I felt expedient to write and inform you on the wicked conspiracy hatched by the duo of
Elizabeth Paul,Diplomat Mathew Paul and Mrs.Jenifer William of the Ministry of Finance and some of the Finance Ministry staffs with numerous fake names to divert your money to their designated account in Europe.
From my position as a lowly clerk in this office, I discovered that
they moved the fund from Africa to London, UK and then moved it last
week to Banco Italiano in ITALY. Today I found out through the Central
computer database that they are about to re-route back your fund to a
security company in USA. With this, I felt that it is important for me
to alert you on this development. They are still using your name and
contract/inheritance identification number as the beneficiary but they
have changed the account co-ordinate and this is the reason they are
frustrating you by asking for endless fees in other to buy time pending
on when they will transfer your funds to their designated account in
I have the reference number of the transaction and also I have the
number of the official who is directly in charge at the SECURITY
COMPANY . Your payment is supposed to go through the UK credit control
financial clearing house before final lodge into the security company
there in USA. All the data about your claim profile are within my
reach. I do not need gratification from you either in cash or kind. I
can never be a part of evil.
Please respect my discretion in this matter, you can send an email to
me so that I can give you the reference number and the name and
contact information of the officials of the security company in USA. I
repeat, please do not expose my person, it is not easy to get jobs
around here and I cannot contend with these powerful individuals
because they can eliminate me just like that. You can reach me through
my private email: email@example.com
God bless you.
What I want to know is, how did that bastard know that I'd just sneezed seconds before he ended the email that way?
Mebbe they ARE surveilling me, which would explain the aluminum hat my pet rock, Seymour, is wearing, to "ward off electronic surveillance".
At any rate, the edit here threw my scammer for a bit of a loop-de-loop:
> In accordance to my religious persuasion, I felt expedient to write
> and inform you on the wicked conspiracy hatched by myself, Mrs
>Jones, Diplomat Mathew Paul and a Siberian yak herder named Gogol
> with International Bovine Molesters, Inc, with cameos by Bill and
> Hellary Clinton, Al Sharpton, Chris Matthews and a card board cut
> out of Sandra Fluke fallating a fire hydrant while helping Bill Clinton
> recruit female intern genital humidors in Europe and Georgetown.
> From my position as the mastermind of this wickedness, I discovered that
> if a yak from Siberia were moved to Minnesota, they wouldn't notice the
> change in dialect, demeanor or the presence/absence of borsht. It was
> further determined that in ITALY, yaks are oblivious to pizza and jokes
> about Mussolini.
> Today I found out through the Central computer database that my
> co-conspirators have collected a large file of pictures of Hellary in a
> 6XXXL butt thong, whipping an inflatable dummy of Barack Obola
> and screaming "wait until I get into that office, you Kenyan BASTARD!"
> With this, I felt that it is important for me to alert you on this development.
> It might get weirder shortly.
> They are still using your name when ordering dildos from Acme Sex Toys
> Company and billing them to some poor bastard named Wiley Coyote.
> For this reason, I am confessing this wicked conspiracy and desolving
> my participation in it. I just want to go back to dressing like a transgendered
> penguin and peeing where they do while doing the macaroni in a gay bar
> in Iraq. I might get a gig in the Cayman Islands.
> Even though I'm the low life Third World plunger lipped goat poking
> suck egg mule that dreamt this whole perverse scheme up -- including the
> "Goats Gone Wild" video at an islamofascist transgender bar in Teheran --
> I can never be a part of evil, unless it pays really good.
> Please totally doubt my discretion in this matter. I didn't say it
> before so I repeat, please do not expose my person, it is not easy to get jobs
> around here as a transgendered yak fallator and I cannot contend with these
> photos of what Hellary looks like in a 6XXXL butt thong. You can reach me through
> my private email: firstname.lastname@example.org
> Whatever's wrong with me, you're worse if you reply.
> Abbas Sadimin
> PS: I included Hellary's butt thong picture so you KNOW....
This apparently flummoxed the scammer:
what is this you mean?
I mean, that's one big ass to jam into a 6XXXL butt thong, but Hellary seems to be getting away with it.
My scammer had nothing further to say about his effort to give me the business. Or yaks. Or Hellary's butt thong.
I'm sure Hellary's stupor volunteers would have something to say about it, if they hadn't already blocked me ;-)