Skunkfeathers: A Little Bit H'yah, A Little Bit Th'yah

A Helldoh, deceiving at a book store near someone...

Sometimes, email scams become somewhat boring. When that's the case, my replies tend to become boring. When that's the case, the exchanges don't amount to much.

Like for example this one:

We is Yunnan Jiahua Food Co. Ltd. Because of the development needs. we need Cheese powder.if you can cooperate with us on that, please reply my e-mail .Thank you!

I am looking forward to your reply.

E-mail Address: hanguoqiangv@163.com.

Best wishes.

One little tweak to the original email, and the reply went like this:

You need WHAT? What is Chinese powder, please?

Not the sharpest pair of scissors to run through the house with, these fellers:

Dear sir
Thank you for your letter.You can log on to our website to know us.A website;www.jiahua-food.com.
Please send the product details.Packaging, and price.In order to cooperation.
Cooperate happily.
Best regards.
HAN

Happiness powder? We have that on Page 5, next to the toilet snakes.
Bester Regards,
Foot

And with that, so ended the catalogue scam. Next, we has a "general" scam:

hello daer
i am Ms armyGeneral JohnwmicNicholson, I want to know if your account in this site is still valid. If so, please reply I have an important discussion with you please
here is my email: armygeneraljohnwmicnicholson@yahoo.co.uk
thanks armyGeneral JohnwmicNicholson

Yes, it's valid. Why?

Thank you for your response email. As i said in my first message, I am General John Nicholson of the United States army. I am an army general and commander of a battalion in Kabul , Afghanistan . I am 48 years old and divorced. I intend to marry again when i return to America after the war in Afghanistan or when i finish my service here.I am an easy going man.

In the cause of the war here in Afghanistan,my command which i head had a fierce battle with insurgents in Kabul and houses and other properties were destroyed, we find a two trunk boxes containing pure gold and documents certifying that it is 24 carat gold and country of origin of the gold is Dubai ,United Arab emirates in the middle east. I distributed one box of gold to my offices and i have one for myself. In war like this there is no guaranty of anything, there is always room for eventuality. It has occurred to me to send out this gold to a reliable person for safe keep till i an disengaged so that i can sell the gold and have some huge money to fall on in my retirement .From the documents in the box the of the gold is 24 carats and the weight is 240 Kilograms. I have searched the internet about gold so many time.The general price in world market is 1 kg of gold = 39,600 US dollars. I want you to check about it by yourself. So i am going to get 39,600.00 by 240 kg.

You will have 30% of the gold quantity or equivalent in cash when sold.What i want you to do for me is to receive the gold and keep it safe till i will leave here to come and meet you anywhere you are.

I hereby send my picture i took with my military uniform in Afghanistan.I want you to send to me your own picture and your full address including phone number.I can send the box of gold to you through one courier service functioning here.

Awaiting to your quick reply.

My quick reply was a quick edit that went sumpin like this:

Thank you for your response email. As i said in my first message, I am General John Nicholson of the United States army. When I am specific, my rank is lesser of two emus, so I prefer to be General. As such, I am an army general and commander of a battalion in Kabul , Afghanistan. When I am specific, I am a latrine orderly in Somalia. I am 48 years old and divorced after my wife's primate investigator caught me leaving a Motel 6 in Frankfurt with an inflatable Hellary crimepaign cut out.

I intend to marry again when transspecied eunuch three peckered goats can use the rest rooms in ewe convents in Berkeley; I am assured that obola will okay that by October for that surprise, after the tuna-dog surprise he's having in September.

In the cause of the war here on the college campus of Afghanistan Eunuchversity, my command -- which i head -- had a fierce battle with genital camel warts in the cafeteria and lecture hall, with the result that houses and other properties were infested with little beasties that look like Debbie Wasserpuss Insults. Afterwords we find a two trunks belonging to elephants that Tim Conway imitate as Siamese elephants on Carol Burnett Show, now retired and living in a Bailor and Barney Dingaling Circus retirement enclave in Dubai, where a lot of disunited Arab emirates are found in the middle east.

You find this interesting, yes?

Being a general moreso than a specific, in war like this there is no guaranty of anything, there is always room for eventuality. It has occurred to me to send out for some Chinese egg rolls to a reliable person for safe keep till i an disengaged so that i can smell the butt roses of Kabul Kaila, a 3XL belly dancer with a penchant for queefing during performances. Yowsa. That will about cap off my retirement. From the documents in the trunk of the second elephant -- the first one sneezed and blew his documents to Benghazi -- you learn the next secret location of Hellary's email servers where she communicate with aliens and plans to give them a role in her jail term, since Bill will still be sleazing with "Energizer" and other female intern genital humidors at the Clinton Crimedation.

I have searched the internet and I thought I'd found true love...you met another and PHFFFFFFFFFFT you was gone.

You will have 30% of all that I haven't got, and that will leave me with 90% of what you haven't got. I already don't like this Crummy Core math those liberal nippleheads created.

I hereby send my picture i took with my military uniform. I assure you it's me as a general. I'll send you a picture of me as a specific, if you insist.