Time Not Shared

I received an email inquiry asking if my 'time share' was still for sale.

My response was as immediate as that of my pet rock, Seymour:  "WTF???"

I haven't been involved in a time share ANYTHING since the 1970s, and I got out of that in the early '80s.

Needless to say, my time share looked nothing like this.

Had I one, it'd probably look more like this:

Be that as it ain't, neither I nor my pet rock knows what the lady -- so she claims to be -- is talking about.

A flip of the coin -- that I lose -- and Seymour gets the honor of playing the latest scammer's game:


On Saturday, March 5, 2016 5:04 PM, Sarah Pullen <yau@yau.com> wrote:

I am interested in purchasing your timeshare week. Is it stil for sale?

Yes it is.  What is your offer?  

Thank you for your reply to my inquiry regarding your timeshare. Please note that although I am a private buyer, I am interested in purchasing your timeshare because I am about to start a vacation rental company so I need a number of timeshare weeks to be able to commence. I am NOT a broker or a listing company. I hope we can come to an agreement on the sale at a reasonable price ASAP.

  Please provide information on your timeshare(s) such as weeks of availability, yearly maintenance fees and if your resort can be exchanged via RCI or interval.

I will wait to hear from you.   Sincerely, Sarah Pullen  

 

Seymour has no idea what any of that mumbo jumbo is, so he wings it:

 

It currently has 20 weeks of availability per year.  Annual maintenance fees are apportioned monthly.

Far as I know, the resort cannot be exchanged via RCI.  I await your offer.  It's a 3 bdrm 3 bathroom 2200 sq ft unit in a building of four like sized units.  

 

What is the name of your resort? Also quote me your asking price so I can make you an offer. 

 

The View At Vail Village.  Asking price is $129,000.  I make it very reasonable because I am interested in disposing of it.  

 

Seymour has no idea of what any property in Vail is called, let alone what a reasonable market value is there...eh...apparently neither does the scammer:

 

Thanks for the details. Having reviewed all the information provided, I have made my offer as clearly as possible below.

1- I will be willing to pay $120,000 for your timeshare, closing will commence within the next few days.

2- I am hearing impaired in both ears and as a result, I will doing all closing formalities through my broker. I will be responsible for the closing cost and title transfer fees along with my broker fees.

3- Closing will be done through First American title transfer (www.firstam.com/title) and funds will be held in Escrow during closing.

 Let me know if this works and I will inform you on the next 

I see no problem with your offer.  

 

Thanks for accepting my offer.

Please provide below information so I can mail in a deposit of $500 to hold the property. As soon as deposit is mailed in, my broker will be in touch to arrange documentation and title transfer and upon satisfaction, balance for your timeshare would be released from escrow.

Full names you want on the check

Mailing address

Phone numbers.

I shall await your feedback.  

 

Now this is where I am violating a scambaiting rule...but I want the trophy:  I give the scammer my actual address to send the check to, in care of....Jack N. Ewehoff.

 

Which pisses Seymour off.

 

"Yeah...you said I could play!  PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!"

 

While I try to appease an offended pet rock scambaiter, the scammer appears to take the bait:

 

Jack,

Many thanks for your patience.

Just to let you know that I had to travel and will be away from home for the  next 8 weeks. I do not know if I have mentioned this before but I have a  disability. I was informed by the hospital which I am registered with that a new  hearing aid which is supposed to be able to restore 30% of my hearing  ability has just been delivered and they would like to test run it with me. This  is impromptu so I had to make speedy arrangements. I tried to reach my  broker yesterday and today but I got an auto response that he is currently  out of the country on business. As a result, I have been unable to determine  how and where to send his fees. I have however sent him numerous email  messages along with your contact information and expect him to be in touch with you as soon as he receives my messages.

 Because I was unable to contact Samuel to send his brokerage fees, title  transfer fees and escrow fees, I visited my bank and got a cashiers check for  $2,900 which I have also mailed out to you. Upon receipt, please deposit the  check, funds should be available immediately, I would need you to deduct  your earnest deposit of $500, this is to affirm my willingness and seriousness  to buy this property and fend off other offers while closing processes are  arranged by my broker. Then, forward the balance $2,400 to Samuel Banet as his fees for your timeshare closing, First American title service  charges and escrow fees whenever he gets in touch with you. This is to  circumvent any delays rather than wait for my return in 8 weeks. It is my  assumption that Samuel will provide additional instructions on how to get the  fees to him.

Samuel Banet is my personal broker and would be responsible for all the  documentation and deed of transfer. Samuel will work with First American  title transfer company who would be handling the closing.  Note that the  balance for your timeshare would be held in escrow. As soon as my broker  gets in touch with you and finalizes the sale, the balance will be released to  you before you transfer the title deed. Please notify me as soon as you  receive contact from Sam.

  Do watch out for any mails to your address and notify me as soon as you  receive my check. Although I am away from home, I would still have access  regularly to my email and would be in touch throughout the process. If you  need to reach me quickly, you can send me a text message on (661) 780-0695

Thanks for your understanding and sorry for the minor inconvenience.  Please respond to this email so I am aware that you have received my  message.

Awaiting your feedback.  

 

So now we await the 'check' (cue up the *Jeopardy Theme*)...which came in a plain white envelope addressed in cursive..purple cursive.  A check drawn on TruWest Credit Union...as bogus as hellary Clinton's selective memory.

I has received your check.  I has received your message.  What I has not is hear-ed from your brokerer.  Wazzup widdat?  


My broker says that he has tried repeated to contact you and that you are not responded.  What is going on?  


Sammy's tried to contact me?  Really?  By what means...bathroom telepathy?  This email account works.  You reach me, right?  What is wrong with your brokerer?  And what's to be done with the check?  

Jack, is something wrong?  You have the check you say.  Have you followed my instructions with it?  

What could POSSIBLY be wrong, Sarah?  I have the check.  We have communication.  Your brokerer has my email address but seems unable to use it.  I have your instructions for the check.  But without your brokerer, your instructions are just so much pullen my leg.  What's to be done with the check? 

 What do you mean?  Please read back what you send me and tell me what you mean?  


Why do I need to read back what I send you to tell you what I mean?  You can read, right?  What I wrote is what I send, and what I send is what I said when I send it.  Your brokerer was apparently run down by a goat herd at Snareckkity Blvd and Smorenapps Way.  Just read his obit.  What's to be done with the check?

Sarah Pullen-my-leg isn't a very persistent scammer....though apparently recognizes now what it is I mean.  'cuz her email address no longer works.

So what's to be done with the check is that it joins others in my 'trophy case'.  And I'm still stuck with a timeshare I don't have.  Next?