Kim Jong Un Channels William Shatner?
This edit by my "Edits Gone Wild" pet rock Seymour has it all.
It started out as a report from sources that revealed North Korea had an apparent failed missile test recently.
Exotic executions to follow, no doubt.
At any rate, what with Seymour and Kim Jong Un being so buddy-buddy, the pet rock couldn't pass up an opportunity to further edit the Great Large One:
North Korean missile launch goes Phfffffft
KGAG – official voice of the North – reported that the failed launch was of a powerful new mid-range missile that could one day be capable of reaching the suburbs of Wonsan...if launched near there. Unnamed sources however, provided few details of what is an embarrassing failure for Pyongyang and a set back for Kim Jong Un's campaign to get him in a Team America World Police sequel.
The abject *FAIL* comes as the two Koreas trade threats amid Pyongyang's anger over just about anything in South Korea, because it's done better in the south. The North has recently fired a slew of missiles and artillery shells into the sea in an apparent protest that only fish take note of.
The surge in belligerent rhetoric from the North may also be linked to leader Kim Jong Un's preparations for a major public relations offensive meant to convince South Park originators Trey Parker and Matt Stone to make that Team America World Police sequel – starring, of course, Kim Jong Un – before Kim's weight surges past 500 pounds.
A senior U.S. defense official, speaking on condition of anonymity because the official wasn't authorized to speak publicly about leaked secrets from Hellary's primate email server while she was increasing the size of her butt thongs from 4 XXL to 5 XXXL, said the U.S. Strategic Command systems detected and yawned as a North Korean test launch of one of their new OneHangDangFukLuk medium range missiles failed, after it traveled from the west side of Wonsan to the east side, blowing up hundreds of yards of kimshi factory outlet shops.
"We strongly laugh our asses off at the continued ineptness on display with North Korea's missile test in violation of UN Security Council Resolutions, even while those resolutions and fifty cents don't mean squat outside of the UN building," the official said.
The North American Aerospace Defense Command said the missile launched from North Korea did not pose a threat to waters 100 yards off Wonsan.
The South's Defense Ministry said it was immediately known that the missile fired from an eastern coastal area Friday morning was an underachieving exceptionally short-range missile. It also was known that the missile landed on the east side of Wonsan, blowing up all those kimshi factory outlet shops.
The North's launch came amid speculation in the South that its rival was preparing to test a medium-range missile they were hoping would have a range of 3,500 kilometers (2,180 miles) — enough to reach U.S. military installments in Guam, where it is believed that North Koreans are eager to help recover the intellectual reputation of US Congressman from Georgia Hank Johnson, after his “Guam capsizing” idiocy that's all over YouBoob. Foreign experts have settled on a nickname for the missile – YuFukUpKim – named after Kim Jong Un.
Friday is the birthday anniversary of the late Kim Il Sung, the current leader's grandfather and the nation's founder. North Korea had planned a huge kimshi fest in Wonsan for the anniversary. Rumors abound that now after all those shops were blown up by the test missile, Kim Jong Un will have to suck up to China for some McDonald's take out deliveries for the anniversary celebration.
In the North Korean capital, Pyongyang, starving citizens in formal clothing lined up to bow deeply before huge statues of Kim Il Sung and Kim Jong Il, his son and the father of Kim Jong Un, and laid all of their McDonald's discount coupons at the statues' feet.
North Korea has unnerved the international community this year with an escalating campaign of demands that the South Park duo make a Team America World Police sequel. Further unnerving the international community is a threat from Pyongyang to publish a music album of Kim Jong Un Sings The Best of William Shatner, which Kim Jong Un is sure will dominate the next Grammy Awards.
There is debate among analysts about the exact state of the next Grammy Awards if this alleged album is released. If it contributes to Kanye 'Whiny' West moving out of the US, most analysts are willing to suffer a night of hearing Kim Jong Un do Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds ala William Shatner. The rest of us just remember the brown note episode from South Park.
Seymour is sure that if nothing else, the dancing cat will get him a Pulitzer nod.
I don't think it'll even rate an invite to DWTS.