"To forgive is divine".
There are times that being offended IS the right and proper reaction, and forgiveness be danged.
Take this scammer -- who is insistent that he ain't -- Paul Harry.
Here's how we begin:
Good day to you as you read from me. I am writing to you after reading about your country on the internet and I want to live and study there for the rest of my life which I believe you will not betray my trust on you. I am Paul Harry a 18years old boy from Ivory Coast in West Africa and as it may interest you to know, I am the only child of late Dr. Pierre Harry the Former foreign investment officer to Ex-President Laurent Gbagbo who was over troll in Abidjan Capital of our country Cote d'Ivoire late April 2011.
After taking over by the current President Alassane Ouattara, my father and mum where kill on the 9th-07-2014 and since then, I flew out of my country with some legal document covering a deposit of $3.5Million dollars with a financial house in Republic of Benin with another certificate covering 150kgs of gold bars with a security company here in Ghana where I am presently staying in a refugee camp for the past 2years for my safety and as well looking for a capable person that will help me claim my inherit funds to your country before I came across your contact today.
I am really seeking your assistance through this median to help me claim the $3.5Million dollars deposited in a financial house in and the 150kgs of the gold bars to your country and invest it for me wisely and to enable me continue my school education and to leave a better life once again as I have suffered alot here in the refugee camp.
I shall give you more details on how you are going to claim those funds without any hindrance once you indicate your readiness to help me out without betraying me I shall send you all the legal documents of claim covering those funds as they are intact with me here in the refuse camp.
Thanks for your understanding as I look forward to your quick reaction to my help before I die here in the camp. my private email: ( firstname.lastname@example.org )
I couldn't imagine him "dying" in that camp before I had a chance to edit his email:
A genuinely suckass day to you as you read from me. I am writing to you after reading about your country on the internet and deciding that my country is about as suckass as it gets. I want to live and mooch off the taxpayers for the rest of my life which I believe you will not betray my trust on you. I am Paul Harry a 18years old boy from Ivory Coast in West Africa and as it may interest you to know, I am the only child of late Dr. Pierre Harry and an alien marmot from Uranus that was featured in a Super Bowl commercial recently. Just a word of warning: marmots bite. Bastards.
There was a story about my country that I was going to tell you -- something about Ex-President Laurent Gbagbo who was over troll in Abidjan Capital of our country Cote d'Ivoire late April 2011 -- but my English sucks and I don't know what overtroll means.
After taking over by the current President Alassane Ouattara, anyone not of Detroit descent were kill on the 9th-07-2014 and since then, I flew out of my country, and I am here to tell you that it's easier to fly in a plane than to try flapping your arms hard and fast enough to generate the 1.21 jiggawatts necessary to displace the fuxcapacitor and make a stainless steel car travel back and forth in time with a guy whose hair is as bad as Bernie Sanders. Presently -- it's as far as my flapping arms would carry me -- I am presently staying in a refugee camp in the basement of the Democrapic National Committee where I have to be a sex toy for Debbie Wasserman Schultz, who looks so much like Medusa that it's hard not to turn hard looking at her.
And that's not 'hard' in a good way.
I am really seeking your assistance through this meridian to help me claim the $3.5Million dollars in illegal alien benefits that Barry Soetero is offering in return for my 25 votes for whoever the Democrap candidate is. Which is a choice that sucks...two white dinosaurs, one with Doc Brown hair and the other 1000 times worse than fingernails on a blackboard. I have suffered alot here in the refugee camp; the DNC chairpoison is almost as bad as Madeline Albright, in and out of barlighting.
I shall give you more details on how you are going to explain all this to msnbc without any hindrance from naral, now, then, later and abominations always (aka, Friends of Moochelle) once you indicate your readiness to help me out without betraying me to ICE, Trey Gowdy or Megyn Kelly.
Thanks for your understanding as I look forward to your quick reaction (most folks reaction to this is "WTF?"). Please write to my primate email: ( email@example.com ) and I'll encourage my primate to write back. Don't expect it to be literate or comprehendible. She's still learning not to smash and throw around the keyboards.
Paul could not believe what I dun to his email, Ma:
I am very much surprise on your reply to me. But may God bless us. I will look unto God and new person shall come for my help.
You shouldn't be surprised at all. Scammers like you get replies like that all the time.
Did you receive my message? Please let me here from you.
I received your message that you're a scammer. What other message did you send?
I don't know why after my explanation, you still not believe, ok let
me go and get these documents from where I kept them and I shall send
it across to you now.
You send me believable documents and we have a deal.
I am very sorry to reply late in this message as I was seriously sick
in the Refugee camp it was today that I get myself and decided to come
and send you these documents as proof of my claim so that you can help
me freely from your heart without further delay.
Attach are my late father death certificate, his picture when he was
alive, deposit certificate for the $3.5Million in the bank in Republic
of Benin, Certificate of the gold bars 150kgs with the security
company here in Accra-Ghana, the cover of the WILL and copy of it
which I have secretly taking from the lawyer for your view. I also
attach you the picture of the gold bars.
Please sir, I want you to come out with your upon mind and help me
because my father late lawyer is also after my life in other to take
over these assets from me. Your quick reaction will be highly
Thanks as I wait your full details so that I can give you the next
step to help me conclude this matter urgent.
My so bad. Because he DID send me documents:
As well as...
Not to mention...
And as an added bonus for being among the first 10 respondents to this email scam, I received -- absolutely FREE (though it isn't intended to stay that way) -- these photos:
That's supposed to be the gold I'm in line to get a piece of...*snerx*:
And this h'yar is supposed to be my indirect benefactor, Paul Harry's "whose his daddy". And now back to the game:
I will closely examine these documents and get back to you.
Dear Mr. Jack Ewehoff,
Okay Sir thanks as I look forward to hear from you soonest.
After letting my pet rock, Seymour, choke on his morning latte geolode when examining the docs, the response was thus:
And soonest you shall...I have seen all these documents before. In prior scams. You haven't improved upon them.
Who's the clown in the sheet?
What are you talking about? stop playing me around if you are not
capable? why saying all this to me after all I have explain to you
before sending these documents to you?
Please stop it and tell me directly that you are not capable and stop
playing with my conditions because you also have alot to benefit
Well...you asked me to believe you. I told you that I had an abundance of healthy skepticism at work. You sent me what you said would be your documentary 'proof'. I promised to examine it. I did. It failed to achieve the super majority of credibility necessary to override an executive veto.
You have failed to provide adequate personal and/or professional references that buttress your claims. The photo of the spook sheeted dickhead you sent cannot be independently authenticated as having worn a purple hat with aliens at a twatwaffle house on Uranus at a frat party in 2013.
To paraphrase a philosopher I once was profoundly influenced by during a film shoot in Yugoslavia, "why don't you knock it off with them negative waves? Why don't you dig how beautiful it is here? Why don't you say something righteous, and HOPEFUL for a change, while I'm drinking wine and eating cheese and catching some rays...y'know".
With all that clearly said in a manure to foster definitive clarity, exactly HOW is what you are offering to prove to be a benefit to me? Explain this please. Something being of unmistakable benefit to me is something with which I am willing to cooperate in a manure that will please those seeking to provide the benefit. Are you able to comply? The answer to that was *crickets chirping*. Reckon I hurt another scammers feewings. If he's a hellary or 'feel the bern' voter, I'm sure I'll hear about it from the thug brigades...