How many times do you get an email that starts out "From the desk of"?
I've had my share of fun with scammers who start their ploys to me (and my characters) that way.
I recently edited one scammer -- Okadima Esa -- into a rant about the very subject because HIS email didn't start that way. Had him throw a royal snit, what.
In fact, here's the 'snit' he was edited into throwing (which in no way resembles the scam he intended to hose me with):
On Friday, July 31, 2015 1:27 PM, Okadima Esa <firstname.lastname@example.org> wrote because his desk was too stupid to do it:
I am Mr. Okadima Esa, I work for UBA bank Ouagadougou Burkina Faso.
Unlike my more capable colleagues, I had to write this memo myself because
my desk is too STUPID to do it for me. You know...you see all those emails
that are headed "From the desk of". But not mine. I get the STUPID DESK
in this pathetic, suck ass bank. People who do FAR LESS and work HALF
AS MUCH as I do get desks that can write their emails for them...but ME?
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO....I get the twatwaffle desk that
can't "From the desk of Mr. Okadima Esa", so I get to look like a Third
World douchenozzle while the rest of my peers get to sound business-like
Well you know what, UBA bank of Ouagadougou Burkina Fatso? F**k
this. If I don't rate a gawddamned desk that can "From the desk of" when
my gawddamned staff has desks that can "From the desk of", then
I don't f**king need this humiliation!!!!! I fu**ing QUIT. I RESIGN.
I will go back and work out of the fly infested internet café near the outhouse
pits of Ouagadougou, trying to convince dupes to apply for genital loans of
piranha whackadoodles at 3% interest! And no one was better at getting
dumbasses to send money for an ATM card that was worth goat spit than
Oh sure...yeah, now that I've quit your suck ass bank and operation, NOW
you try to offer me a desk that can "From the desk of"...well it's too late. I see
right through your insinf**kingcerity. Take this job and shove it...I ain't scamming
here no more!
Okadima Esa didn't see fit to thank me for perhaps helping him to get a self-emailing desk out of this rant.
But I readily saw fit to use Okadima's rant again...on another scammer that had what Okadima did not, and was flaunting it:
On Friday, July 31, 2015 3:52 PM, "email@example.com" <firstname.lastname@example.org> wrote:
FROM THE DESK OF: MR PAUL GABA
ABSA Bank, South Africa
Tel: +27- 83 736 4032
Fax: +27- 86 549 0852
I seed the opening, and had 'Okadima' jump all over it, replying directly to Paul Gaba:
Mr. Paul Gaba, I am Mr. Okadima Esa of Burkina Faso. And I resent you flaunting the fact that YOU have a desk that writes your email for you, and I don't.
How DARE YOU taunt me with this email starting out "FROM THE DESK OF" in ALL CAPS!!!!! My gawddamned desk is EVERY BIT AS GOOD AS YOURS!!! Just because it can't do email by itself doesn't mean it's any less of a desk! You pompous ass of a twatwaffle douche nozzle scamming son of a boll weevil genital....I challenge you to a DUEL!!!! LET'S GET IT ON, PLUNGER LIPS....YOUR DESK VS MY DESK, NO HOLDS BARRED AND MARQUIS OF QUEENSBURY RULES OUT THE WINDER!!!! I've had it with you striped ass gazebos taunting me because my emails can't legitimately say FROM THE DESK OF...enough is enough and let's get rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreadyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy to rummmmmmmmmmmmmmbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbblllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllle!!!
When my desk is done with yours, you're gonna know what a can of whup ass opened on it is like!!!!! I not only tell you whah'......ah'm gonna show you whah!!!
Tell that candyass desk of yours to git ready to defend itself!!!!
Not takin' no more of this "From The Desk Of" sh**!!!!
Not that I expect to see desk jousting become a new cyber sport anytime soon, but it's occasionally fun to have a 'scammer vs scammer' without either of them participating, let alone figuring out how.
I'm easily entertained that way...