Thursday, September 3, 2015

Seymour Baits Kim Jong Un For The Umpteenth Time

My pet rock, Seymour, simply can't get enough of baiting Korean leader Kim Jong Un.

It does keep Seymour entertained and out of trouble.

Here's Seymour's latest edit of a story about a North Korean military drill to please Kim Jong Un:

Kim Jong-Un Watches North Korea Military Drills Blow Up Pyongyang

By Seymour PetRock – WTFNS

­ North Korea’s Great Suckessor Kim Jong-un observed military drills that were supposed to be mock targeting of South Korean missile bases on Baeknyeong and Yeonpyeong islands Saturday, which included everything available in the North Korean People's arsenal. Even spitwads.

The drills were intended to have taken place near Wonsan, Kangwon Province, and included mobilization of North Korean Army, Navy and Air Force artillery, submarines, fighter jets and bombers. Jong-un was seen holding a piece of paper entitled “No, gawddammit, shoot that way!”

The original intent of the drills was to send a message to South Korea, the United States, and Liechtenstein. Very quickly in the drills it became obvious that the message delivered was “for once, just once, hit the right target gawddammit,” with “the right target” referring to locations simulated to represent South Korea, the United States, Liechtenstein, and what turned out to be a fly on the targeting map.

Jong-un reportedly stated that the waste of ammunition was “inevitabre”, then shot the reporter that asked him to say it again. Meantime, the crowds cheered and roared approval while missiles, bombs, artillery, torpedoes and an accidentally launched order of kimshi hit unintended targets in Pyongyang, wiping out the new airport Un just learned that he had, the Chinese Embassy, hundreds of peasant homes and businesses, a statue dedicated to Un's father and grandfather, and the fly on the targeting map.

“Oh whoops” muttered Un while the crowd continued to roar approval out of fear of what was to follow.

Pyongyang, post drill
­Kim Jong-un, who now has his own music video entitled Grorious Reader Sings I So Ronery!, has held the titles of the First Secretary of the Workers’ Party of Korea, the Chairman of the Central Military Commission, First Chairman of the National Defense Commission of North Korea, the Supreme Commander of the Korean People’s Army and presidium member of the Politburo of the Workers’ Party of Korea, along with Leading Pudgy Twatwaffle of Asia. He was officially declared the Supreme Leader following the state funeral for his father Kim Jong-il on December 28, 2011. He now holds the additional titles of Glorious Leader Of Executions Of Subordinates That Piss Me Off.

­ Despite Pyongyang’s show of farce, it is evident that its military machine is even less able that was displayed on Team America World Police. Kim executed the leaders of the NKPA, NKPN, NKPAF, and NKPSR (North Korean People's Seczhuan Restaurants) using 10,000,000 ravenous crotch crickets after Pyongyang was wasted during the drills meant to pummel two off shore islands near Wonsan. 

Un executed the NKPGPS leader as well. Un did authorize a state funeral for the fly on the targeting map.  

Seymour continues to believe that he'll get a Pulitzer for these edits.  His argument is that Obola got a Noballs for doing nothing.  That's a hard argument to dispute.

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Blogger Sandee said...

Seymour continues to believe that he'll get a Pulitzer for these edits. His argument is that Obola got a Noballs for doing nothing. That's a hard argument to dispute. This is spot on. I think Seymour is right.

Have a fabulous day Seymour. My best to your wonderful dad. ☺

03 September, 2015 10:02  

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