Tuesday, August 25, 2015

Flauxpper Is a What?

They say you can't tune a fish...but you can train Flipper to be a spy?

Hamas thinks so.

Then again, Hamas screws small animals, blows up innocents and gets regularly tattooed by Israel.

My pet rock, Seymour, saw where Hamas claims to have captured a dolphin that was allegedly in the service of Israel's Mossad.


Seymour thought the idea so...typical of Hamas, he decided to don his "editing pet rock gone wild" hat and have at it:

Hamas Claims Captured Dolphin Is Israeli 007

Hamas claims the dolphin was disguised to infiltrate and get naval commandos drunk on stirred martinis just for the halibut.

By Seymour PetRock – WTF News Soivice

Hamas has captured a dolphin that it first believed was working for MI-6, but later decided that it was working for Israeli spy agency Mossad; and then later suggested that it was working for the CIA, then the FBI, then the EPA, IRS, New England Patriots (it looked a bit underinflated), Hellary Clinton crimepaign (an oversized wet pant suit was found)...and at last report believed that the dolphin was working for the Donald Trump campaign.

According to reports the dolphin was captured several weeks ago, and was said to have been equipped with "spying equipment" including a Sherlock Holmes hat, magnifying glass, devices that would allow it to walk on land for hours without wetting, a burkah (to mix with the population), cameras, video and voice recorders, a rectal thermometer and a genuine love for the gopher in Caddy Shack.

A Hamas source's claims were publicised by Israel's Army Radio which did a two hour mockumentary about it, acknowledging that while Israel has a fleet of Dolphin class submarines, Hamas has Depends with explosives woven into each crotch that they regularly neuter themselves with when they accidentally prick the detonator prematurely while getting excited looking at the centerfolds of the CamelMate Centerfold of the Jihad.

Hamas said the dolphin was picked up by Hamas' bass boat wing, the Ezzedine al-Roland Martin Brigades. The animal's fate is not yet sending Green Peace and American lefties into sphincter spasms like Cecil the lion did.

The Palestinian newspaper AlGorezzera reported that the commandos became wary when they spotted the dolphin making "suspicious gestures" just outside the port of Gaza.

It claimed that Hamas suspects the dolphin was used to film AlGorezzera's lousy attempt to remake Team America World Police into something that the terrorists win in, and was delivering a rating of a ½ spoiled anchovy when it was critiqued by a bearish audience.

Claims that Israel is using animals for espionage purposes are not new - in 2012 a rented pterodactyl from Dream Works was seen with look-thru burkah imaging equipment flying over Sudan with locals claiming it was looking for date for George Soros.

In 2010 Iran said several Israel-controlled land sharks may have been involved in candy gram attacks on Iranian mullahs in Teheran.

And twice in recent years Turkish media have highlighted the scene in Airplane where Peter Graves asks the young lad visiting the cockpit if “he'd ever seen a growd Turk nekked” while Kareem Abdul Jabbar wanted to punch out the kid for dissing his NBA play, and suspecting that somehow this was coded Mossad espionage from a Get Smart episode. 


It is the not first time that dolphins – usually known as one of the world's most intelligent animals - have been accused of being used by the DNC for fraudulent voting to elect sleazeballs like Obola and Hellary. 

My pet rock still thinks he's on the path to a Pulitzer.  With photos like these, he'll be lucky to manage a PullMyFanger.


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Blogger Sandee said...

I think Seymour did an outstanding rewrite here. I really do. He's a wonderful imagination.

Have a fabulous day Mike. My best to my buddy Seymour. ☺

25 August, 2015 10:20  
Blogger Serena said...

Kudos to Seymour on this one. I mean, really, what else can you do but, uh, do a rewrite?:-)

27 August, 2015 07:30  

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